Worthy

Worthy                                                 3/23/2016

I am the odd man out

Trapped by my own inertia

Wounded on the inside

And wasted on the out. 

Nothing is the same

And never will be again

As everything I see

Filters through

A damaged lens.

It’s okay if no one understands

Because how could they ever know

How it feels to have everything

And nothing in such a short

And tumultuous time. 

But if you do not, know it now

I can’t say

If it’s good, or if its bad

Because with distance

There are almost the same. 

It’s hard to remember the one

Without remembering the other

And experiencing that old familiar twinge

In the middle of the heart. 

I am good

But I am also bad

A strange mixture

Of foolish loyalty

And misplaced rebellion.

It’s all because I loved her

And it’s all because I lost

A long time ago

But fresh in my mind. 

If I knew why

I might stop it now

But for a reason I cannot know

I remember

And I die. 

I took a long time

To learn contentment

And it took a long time

To let it go.

I poured all of me out

In the those restless hours

Turning over and over

Inside of my mind. 

Wrestling with my conscience

And picking at the scabs

Until I would bleed

All over again. 

All that it was

And all that I wanted

Still remain

Inside of me. 

Still happening

In a closed loop

Orbiting in some other world

Just outside my perception. 

But God plucked me out

And God saved me for another

Training me to live

And training me to love. 

Even in losing

Love wins

And even in letting go

Love conquers.

I shall have it all

And so also shall you

In a time not of our choosing

All will be given

And all will be said. 

Search not forever

Because it is right here now

Perhaps not how we want it

But even better

With time. 

The wait is hard

God knows
I had to walk it out

But in the end

It will be worth it

For me

And for you.