Tight 3/10/2016
In my dreams
I remember
But when I awaken
It all fades away.
The best words come
In the gray twilight
In the meditative deep
Half aware and half asleep.
I am not the same,
And I never will be again
Not because of who I am
But because
Of what I have seen.
Of what I have seen.
I was blessed
And had all I wanted
And had all I wanted
But it was never enough
A slave to my emotions
One way or another.
The world is both beautiful,
And also ugly
Separated by the smallest of fractions
The one and the other.
I look at my self
And know I don't belong
A stranger experiencing life
From a great distance.
The women walk by
Dressed in their tightest clothes
But now I just feel sad
And full of regret.
I was cut
And I was straightened
Humbled
And hurt.
Never knowing
How I would make it
Through the morning
Or through the night.
Rudderless I drifted
And loveless I bled
Drowning in my sorrows
Without anyone
To hold.
The weight pressed down
Squeezing my ribs
Until I could barely breathe
Tightly confined
With no way out.
Others escape
And some kill themselves
All in an instant
Or the long way around.
But I just notched the time
And tried to forget
Anesthetizing my heart
With anything I could get.
I barely made it
And here I write
Still different
And incomplete.
I listen to the world
And I smile at the thought
That even in heartbreak
Children still laugh
And play.
Knowing is a weight
And fear is a vise
Stealing our peace
And attacking our subconscious.
And attacking our subconscious.
But I finally learned
How to swallow it down
Transforming the pain
And turning it around.
Now the wounds
Can be weapons
And now the loss
Is a priceless treasure.
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