Ransom

Dead Ransom 7/31/2014

The only women I ever kept

Are the ones I never touched

And the only friends who remain

Are the ones

For which I prayed. 

There is a river in my heart

Running cold, clear, and, fast

Separating the outer from the inner

And infatuation from love.

If I had only known

When I was young

Just how painful it could be

To cross the river unwittingly,

Dumb, and naive.

It is easy to turn back

And it is easy to be afraid

But once the lines are crossed

Only heartache will result.

I built bridges

And I tried with all my heart

But in the end

We are all destined to fail

And lose. 

Without risk

We remain a child

Pretending with puppets

In endless day dreams. 

But once we cross over

There is no turning back

As our eyes are opened

And no secrets remain.

I loved the idea of love

Without any idea

Of the cost

Or consequence.

Flirting with the margins

Just out of view

Always thinking

But never doing.

We forget over time

And the sharpest of pains

Become dull and distant

Until we venture too far

And are afraid.

We dry our tears

And move on

Slowly and carefully

Tiptoeing through

Another minefield.

I don’t know what is worse

If it is losing

Or not knowing

Or maybe it is knowing

And believing. 

I am loved

But I am also guarded

Holding my deepest self

Like a hostage in a tower

Remote and alone.

Everyone else, can see me

But they are on the other side

Where the grass is always greener

And the memories more painful.    

They do things

That I once did

And they laugh at absurdities

That I once knew. 

But this is not about me

And it’s not about them

As I work upwards

One day at a time. 

Stoically going to work
And then coming back home

Training myself

All about what matters

And is lasting. 

The victories are small

But the thrill is the same

As I contemplate the grace

Of faith and trust.

There will never be a more perfect day

And there will never be a perfect person

But we can still emerge

Wealthier in wisdom

And richer in love.