Puffing Smoke

Puffing Smoke 7/8/2013

Some nights I cannot sleep
But no longer
Am I anxious
Or desperate.

No longer am I weighed down
With an anvil on my chest
Sweating through my clothes
And struggling against myself.

When I sleep
Sometimes I forget my dreams
But others are as real
As anything I have seen.

Others have spoken
To the dead and the living
And others have dreamed
Of things long forgotten.

There was a time
When I would drink
Just to blunt the pain
Forget the past,
Or anesthetize my brain.

But it never worked for long
And it never changed a thing
Just another rock around my neck
Dragging me backwards
And dragging me down.

Tomorrow comes
Bringing the same drudgery
And the same dread
Just like yesterday
And the day before.

If you take a step,
In the wrong direction
You may notice
That it doesn’t hurt a bit
Until the day comes
That you are far from home
And falling fast.

You can grow accustomed to anything
Either the good or the bad
And unless you resist it every time
It will all
Sneak inside of your head.

We learn to accept the unthinkable
When it should make us cringe
Because evil never rests
And it never gives up.

Waiting for us to tire
And pacing outside our gates
Marking time until we forget
And drop our hands.

I dropped off to sleep
With a prayer and a smile
Finally at peace
Because I learned how to be thankful
And at ease.

My worries and concerns
I have let out the window
Rising up in a puff of smoke
To the one who can save me
And save the world.

I don’t need anyone to blame
And I am just as ready as ever
Come whatever
Today or tomorrow.

I don’t intend to lose
And I don’t intend to surrender
Not when it matters
And not when it counts.

I am not alone
Even in the darkest night
And I am not forgotten
Or rejected.

Be careful
And be awake
But always remember
To be thankful
For what you have
And, all you love.