Starflake

Star flake 5/30/2014

Today I am impatient

Because nothing ever changes

As I remain surrounded

By the predictable

And the simple. 

It is amazing how they posture

And ridiculous how they fight

Throwing out everything they got

For a chance at a title

Or a few dollars more.

Is that what, this is all about?

Empty victories

And false statuses

As we make up titles

That are not needed at all. 

Nothing real has changed

And what is of value remains

Whether its recognized or not

But that is how it works

And that is how it feels.

God it hurt

And I cried out in pain

Moaning at the loss

Cutting me in half.

Doubling me over

And cutting off my air

As my throat tightened

And swelled shut. 

If words could have healed me

Then I would have said them

And if a sacrifice had been enough

I would have cut off my arm. 

But nothing I could have done

Could have changed what happened

At least not with what I knew then

Versus what I know now.  

Perhaps I should feel like a loser

Worthless and lowly

As others constantly remind me

That they have won

And I have lost. 

But still I wonder

What kind of man

Would do that?

But we already have the answer

Even if

We dare not speak.

Well if they wanted to hurt

Then I can agree

Because I am wounded

And I am lowly. 

Wounds can heal

And humility is good

Far better than arrogance

And false pride. 

I wish I had an answer

And I wish that I could help

But some things are just too great

For anyone to change.

There is a defect

And there is a problem

Something wrong in the soul

Damaged and incomplete.

They can think, I am trash

And they can think, I am worthless

Just another nuisance

To be dismissed

And chased away. 

But that is the lesson

And that is the journey

As I learn to grow accustomed

With adversity and sacrifice.

There is no way out

But only through

As we either learn

Or suffer forever.

It’s not easy

And there are still days  

That I hang my head

And wish

No one could see me.

But even those moments

Have a purpose

If you flip them over

And see the other side.

Yes I am different

And so also are you

But always remember

That the pain is a sign

And the longing a clue.

Then and only then

We can understand

That we are all like star flakes

Floating through space.

Each one a unique design

Created on purpose

For bouncing off each other

And falling into place.