Stumble Foot

Stumble Foot 5/6/2014 

It still hurts

But it still feels real

Because everything we see

We will always want.

The biggest things

Are what we never had

As we fall all over ourselves

For nothing at all. 

We never seem to know

What it is

That we have

Until it’s all over

And blown away. 

I didn’t want to go home

And I didn’t want to let go

Because I was afraid

Of trying

And losing. 

I gave in to my anger

And I gave in to my whims

Chasing after shadows

And swinging at smoke. 

As if my feelings mattered

And as if I could stop

The rising tide of death

Drowning my lungs.    

Everything had an urgency

That far exceeded its worth

Because I did not know

And could not understand. 

I clung tightly

To all that I knew

But in all the wrong ways

At all the wrong times. 

I did not know who I was

And I did not know to ask

For what I really needed

But could not have known.

The darkness has fled

And now I can see

Both the blessings

And the horror. 

I could not change it

Even if I tried

So all of us are left

Empty handed

And lonely. 

There is no going home

And there is no going back

But only down and out

Deep and dead. 

Regret makes a mockery

Of all that we tried

Halfhearted and wasted

Foolish and dumb. 

But home is still coming

Many miles away

With each and every step

Stumble and fall.