Puddle Jump

Puddle Jump 5/21/2014

It’s not that I am sad

And it’s not that I don’t care

It’s just that I see

And I know. 

Something has happened

And something has changed

Leaving me altered

And estranged.

The world has lost its luster

And gold has no allure

As I am buffeted between

Losses and humiliation. 

I fell into a dark place

Full of self-loathing

Where I drank until I was full

And then I drank some more. 

But no chemical can erase

The scars that I bear

Invisible

And deep.

There when I wake up

And there when I sleep

Like an elephant walking behind me

That I must drag along. 

It is not altogether bad

But that doesn’t always help

When you are alone

Friendless

And drowning in despair. 

My head hurts

And everything’s a bore

Because the end of it

Is always the same

Useless, wasted

And crumpled on the floor. 

I am empty

And I am rootless

Cut off and turned over

Thrown away before

I could ever grow.  

The black hole calls

But I can no longer bear it

As I make myself walk

And I make myself try.

There is no giving up

And there is no going back

Nothing but a slow and steady movement

One foot in front of the other. 

I am going somewhere

And it remains

Far from where I have been

As I long for something better

Than everything that I can see.

Home is where you belong

And home is where 

You are loved

So I keep on going

And so should you.