Leftovers

Leftovers  5/8/2014

I am not the only one
Who knows how it feels
To remember more than you want
And suffer every day.

Bitter sweet are the pangs
Of remembrance and loss
As I cling to the easy smiles
Of long ago
And far away.

If I had never tried
Then I would not know
But I tried with all my heart
Extending my hands
And my heart.

I came up
Empty handed
Losing everything I loved
Even the things I didn't know
And took for granted.

Looking back
I can see the difference
But no matter how much I grow
The loss remains
Burned in my heart.

Its hard to speak
And its hard to dream
Once you know
That words are cheap
And promises temporary.

Not everyone's dreams
Will come true
And not everyone
Will live to laugh and love.

For some there is loneliness
And sadness
Emptiness and shame
Staring at pictures of other people
Strange, awkward, and alien.

For me the tears are gone
But the heart ache remains
No matter where I go
Or what I do.

A strange longing persists
And the everyday normalcy makes it worse
As life goes on all around me
Without pause or regret.

Others churn away
Even if it is foolish
All of them clamoring for something
That will only die.

Flinging themselves at the world
And bashing their heads against the wall
All posture and spin
Without substance or meaning.

But is it better to know?
Or is it better to try?
Even if it is foolish,
Pointless, and fake.

Today I try
But it hurts
As I want to run
Or sleep.

I pray
That there will be an answer
Even if I must wait
Because nothing lasts forever
Even this
And even now.  

I carry on
This heavy heart
And I will pour it out
Again and again.

Because these words
Would have never come
If I had never believed
Or trusted.

So, Let us not,
Hang our heads
And let us not,
Worry or doubt.


Because no matter what
We will always have
Each other
Even against all the odds
And incredible distance.

Free of the boundaries
That crush our spirits
At last free
To follow the heart.