Yesterday and tomorrow

The journeyman 2005

Brokenness and how it heals
Bitter the humble fruit
Desolate the ravaged body leans
Shamed and bloodied
With wounding words
Yet strangely proud
Of these humiliations
Brutal yet welcome
Strange the secret
And brutal the pleasure.

I didn’t tell you
Exactly who I am
Not that I knew it
That part I didn’t understand
Nocturnal and restless
Internally combusting burning red
Running wild while standing still
Wandering spirit in a land of dreams
More than it looks
And more than it seems.

You are perfect
A doe eyed deer
Darting from side to side
Sure footed and trembling
Soft and sweet the delicate grace
I can tell by your heartbeat
And the frightened look in you eyes
That you’ve been broken
And cast away
But still searching
Just like me.

I hitched a ride on a long black car
And rode the back of a brown eyed mare
Down the flint hills ever faster
Leaning forward into the dust
Fixing my eyes on a fading sky
Sinking downward live or die.




I wish I had the answers
Or that I knew what was best
But I am lost myself
And smashing all I built
This indecision
This hesitancy of heart
Doubt and cynicism
Conflicted and wordless
I wander and fall.

A high plains journey
16 year odyssey
Inward across land and mind
To fall in this desert
Bloody at your feet
Exhausted from thinking
And beaten by the sun
Too much life so wasted
Stranded in the middle
Of metaphor verse and riddle.

The wasteland rugged and remote
A long day’s journey into the secret soul
The inner portion of heart unseen
Desolate and empty the passages twist
Like the mystery burned on my wrist

Deep red symbol I can’t decipher
A key hole to what I cannot know
Deeply felt but not understood
A dim blurry picture of who I should be
Flickering images in black and white
Silvered remnants dissolving into night.

I wish I could feel what its like
I wish I could feel anything at all
Indifference and all it costs
Undeserving
And unworthy
This gift I’ve won
Only because I lost.





Red rider on a black horse
Galloping across the flatland fire
Never seeing the end
Disaffected heart
Overused and dying
Calloused and ashen
And no tears left for crying

A handful of glass
Clenched too tightly
And a lung full of ash
Rasping breath in and out
Drowning inside
On a throatfull of doubt.

High plains diary in ink and blood
Flat land brushfire of rye and whiskey
Dusty town of ghostly streets
Hollow houses and broken dreams

Old brick rough and beaten
Caving inward the buildings heave
Staring inward the reflection smears
Circling birds of prey devour
Ready for reaping any day or hour.

Split down the middle the yawning tree leans
Gray as the sky of furrowed lines
Colliding with the gravel pitting
Grinding down color and feeling

Driving past the ruins of culture
Slowly retracing their steps
Boarded up the memories are fading
Pitted and bloody the frosted glass
Murky the shadows block and sway
Dizzily the particles dance in view
Up and over the black spots fly
Dusty horizon of dust and sky.








High plains journeyman
Full blooded ghost
Stripped back to one
Broken in the middle
How the mortal wounds cry
Easily missed
And quickly forgotten
For a reason
I don’t know why.

I am the lowly son
But I shall have my crown
I was judged and found wanting
Standing in a field of gold
By letter and rule they ranked me
And stamped a number for my name
A journeyman with no where to go
An ordinary man
In a ordinary life
Selected and broken inside and out
For a greater reason
Or a purpose found
Of blue sky and cloudless wind
Reverberating in my ears
Tired bones
And worn out blood
Numb to the blowing cold
Rushing and sheering edges and whole.

A moment more and I’ll be upon you
Pleased yet with uncertain heart
The rush of echoes calling us home
Chasing behind but catching up fast
You never knew just what was inside me
And just where you knew I’d be
That welcome frightened look you gave me
Unpredictable your love falls like hail
Beautiful and crystal falling all about
Cold and painful I raise my face and shout.

Unhinge the doors
And let the words tumble
Unlock the heart
And search the rebel soul
Inward and deep
To bring out the light.

What if this is it
What if tomorrow never comes
Would we feel cheated?
With what we never tasted
What would we miss?
Life or love unlived and wasted.

I want to see the edge falling off
And ride the whirlwinds curl
Diving into the beating foams
And drink the wild grapes harvest.

Breaking free of gravity and death
Weightless the spirit can soar
At last to know the answers I craved
Running over more than I gave.

No more time to lose
Fumbling in the darkness
No more endless questions
About where to go
Much less who to ask
Hunched down and turning
Shouldering the wind
Striving for what doesn’t matter
Crushing inward the heart
Wasted pride uselessly falls
Falsely protected
By self assured walls.


This life and all its loss
How great the guilt and burden
I shall take it off
And lay it at your feet
Offered up my will and heart
For was yours I cannot keep
And nothing but my spirit own
For what was ours is only smoke
And for mine I will no more weep.

Use me for what you plan
I trust my soul in your tower
Fill me with your wisdom
And bless me with your peace
To accept this humble heart uplifted
Contented and complete

The best way around is always through
Because we can never grow
Without losing something first
And no one tastes eternity
Without serving something more

No one wins the keep up game
Unreachable the perfection we crave
But instead we offer up these lives as nothing
To seize eternity from an empty grave.

A journey you take
An unsearchable inner frontier
But you don’t make it alone
Nor in the darkness will you wander
Not without giving in
Not without reaching up.

There will be no perfect plan
Not in this world we know
No reversible moments
To remake or live
But sacrifice and trial
Obligated reality of love
Easier worked through
Than avoidance or denial.

Soo much for an escape
None the wiser if we fail
Better to work it out
Than run away

My eyes were opened
And I can see you clearly
It will be alright
Time will pass
And you will know
It may feel like time has stopped
But unseen the forces shift
You will understand once
You’ve offered up your life
Perhaps not now
But you will.

For these years are not ours alone
Not just for what we want
But much larger than what we see
And much fuller than what we know.

400 years of silence
The days and hours melt together
Forever immortal love and purpose
Let us not forget to see

Our course is to serve
Bonded to an ancient promise
I know that you’ll make it
For I’ve heard the whispers
In a sea shell of waters falling
The faithful words I know are true
But only if we heed their calling.


Wanderings 2004

Looking outside a window casement
I consider the cost of wasted years
Black rivulets stream down the pavement
Laughter, friendships and dried up tears

What is it about this flesh and blood
My mind is ready but it’s unwilling
Coursing silver strings crashing in the flood
Curbside gutters rapidly filling

Is it my heart that won’t let me rest
Is it the ashes of my old life still burning?
Looking for an answers in another
Wandering forever, without learning

Hypnotic is the sound of the rain
Your vision distorted in gray and silver
Remembering an old and familiar pain
Silver drops that cause me to shiver

I imagine the waters rising
Over flowing the banks and docks
Creeks and rivers swelling and rushing
People buttoning up their frocks

I remember other storms and rains
Other faces come to my mind
Forgotten laughter and other pains
Wandering again in a sad rewind

Outside it pours and pours
Beating against earth, pavement and man
People run about outside in twos and fours
I wonder if I should stay
Or if I even can

Outside silver, gray and black is the night
I can hear the thunder
And feel its power
But I can’t hear voices
All washed away in the shower

Basements flood and engines stop
My heart beats on inside me
Too much rain can kill the crops
On my heart is falls cold and heavy

Other days and nights
Other faces pink and white
Too many years spent in spite
Love lost in my blinded sight

Wandering from place to place
Looking for somewhere to call my home
Trying to forget remembered faces
Hoping for anything
That I can save.

Are we all the same I wonder
Wandering from one place to another
Our voices blotted out by the deluge’s thunder
Haunted by memories of friends and brothers

The lake back home is probably swelling
Outside the power lines are freezing
The street is empty accept for icy an sheeting
My head is hurting and my heart is bleeding

Why am I afraid to speak
Why do I wait until its too late
The roof above pops and creaks
My silence alone
Has decided my fate

Back in the distance and across the miles
I think of the places I’ve wandered and lived
My mind opened to retrieve the files
Words and love
Unsaid and undone.

The morning will find this world dead and frozen
Trapped and sealed in a crystal cocoon
I will wake to this life I’ve chosen
Alone and restless in this room

Quietly this city is freezing
Silently it hardens around me
My breath is short and squeezing
Sleepless again.

Tomorrow a new day comes
Another city and another room
Things I need to say to some
Another day closer
And another day dead.

I could move
To another city
Or maybe find another job
But in the end
No one escapes.

I wonder why I can’t talk or share
Locked inside this glass tower
Why am I afraid to take the risk
When nothing every changes.

No matter where I go or stay
It is with myself
I must live and die
And no one ever finds their way
Just by dreaming.

It will never be easy
Because I get up every day the same
Somehow sticking it out
With no one but myself to blame

I shall try to sleep once more
I will start tomorrow a new
Because love has to start somewhere
If not then its all my fault
And the water and ice can take me.