Remember from 2004

From 2004, it was a good year. I haven't looked at them since I wrote them.

Atlantic Crossing

Ebb and flow of blood and water
Ceaseless turbulence of viscose gray
No other sound except the rushing foam
Far from circumstantial perfection
At the end of the day
At the end of the earth.

My eyes were opened
But just a little at a time
Fumbling forward
And groping in the darkness
Hoping for perfection
But only the lesser
I find.

I walked alongside the sea
Gray, black and blue the night
Divergent thoughts appearing
Of emotions long forgotten.

Washing over my feet
And lapping at my legs
Churning over the polished sand
Unreturnable emotion of gratitude
Cool as the ocean
Carving out the land.

Thrice I recite your name in the dark
From where the figure emerged
To the shore walking
Through the water I didn’t need to greet or know.

Emerging from nothingness
Out of the boiling gray
Silent without warning
But for hope
I would never have seen.

Such a long journey to travel
I wanted to lie down in the waters
Washing over to carry me away
Back in the arms of churning foam
To the place of my quite longing
That we all know as home.

Mark of beauty, state of grace,
Crying out “forever”
Across the waves
Barely heard
And rarely seen.

So great the thirst
For what I crave
The blood of sacrificial grace
For heavy agony.

That was the moment
Alone and silent
That night on the beach
Something changed
And something different was born.

Walking down the same streets
Everything alien and remote
That familiar vague discomfort
Always present
Above my head.

I am free
Just as before
I am alive
But not in the same way.

No need for apologies
And no need for vindication
No sense in wondering
Either why or when,

I don’t have to know
If I’ll live or die
Either way is fine
Against the gray clouds of history
The age comes to an end.


Across the muffled words of memory
The meaning shines through
Brilliant radiation
Exposing the colors,
Just out of the visual range.

Like a back lit halo
Encircling a moment in time
Everlasting on the eyelids
Pulsing outward in shapes and lines.

So far from peace intended
The shattered surface of truth
Kneeling down
To stare at the pieces
Fumbling knowledge
Only a part
Of what we know.

Tomorrow may not come
Only a guess
That the day breaks
Through
Nothing lasts forever
Half as much as likely
To all fall apart.

I was the one
Who let her know
What else was I supposed to do?
Did she believe?
That I could not tell.

In the end It was up to her
I had no one else to thank
The last step
Easier than the first
Out of the doubt
And into the waters.

Maybe I said too much
Or maybe I left something out
Maybe because I wasn’t sure
Torn to pieces
And riddled with doubt.

I always needed your assurance
But I guess that’s why you’re near
Meeting me more than halfway
Than where I should have been.

Do angels walk the earth?
And could we know them by name?
A little different than man
With no free will left to choose
As a man there is so much to gain
Yet so awful lot to lose.


Two Reasons

I know what I left behind
And I know the damage is done
Unrepressed memory I cannot refuse
I can feel the eyes
Burning me through.

Reasons of man gray and thick
So far from intended harm
But what do we know?
About the soul
So dark and hidden

I am not fit to judge
But then, no mortal can
Do they think?
Their sins are hidden?

Safe in the dark
As long as the surface is smooth
Coming back to haunt them
When the truth this soul will prove.

Ever upon me
All knowing eyes
No moment hidden
All just a fraction
Both the beginning and the end

You knew me before
Before this flesh was formed
You put eternity
As a hole in my heart
For the world
To fill with longing.

You found me a time
You found me a place
My shame you have taken
Almost human
And almost dead.

Living in the present
Of the once and future time
To search out the hidden
And type it out in lines.

All so different
Yet all together the same
Penetrating to the marrow
I can hear you at the door
About to call out my name.

The hour is near
I was made for knowing that
Time has bent and narrowed
Anger is poured out
Upon a tortured land.

A deep cut
That will never heal
Unwelcome reminder
Of what I missed before

Out from under
The last hope we had
Unable to remember
The last time I felt
As Peaceful
Now that the guilt
Is left behind.

All thoughts of earthly justice
Or what we think is fair
Inconsequential measurement
Of pride and revenge
All of it will wither
Burn away
And disappear.

All these ruins
Are left behind
Swollen with water
And rotted with time.

Swiveling our heads
To stare at the sky
Swirling in the heavens
In colors gray and black.

Trying to catch the smoke
Rising from bitter regret
Flowing through our fingers
And never to come back.

Underground
The fires are burning
In the voids of memory
The thoughts keep turning
Knowing more than what we see
But forgetting the reasons.

Counting backwards
Until the end
To close my mouth
Of hungry desperation

A hidden chamber
Concealed for so long
Right beneath our feet
Buried by centuries
Yet still perfectly intact
Traces of blood,
That cannot die.

Glancing off the edge of meaning
And searching the edge of the earth
Strange fascination with the horror
Questioning everything
Except ourselves.

In the end
Words can’t suffice
All arguments silenced
So we do not look back
To see what is dying.

And we cannot yearn
For what is lost
But stretch to the future
To lay hold
Of true glory.

Muted colors of dying light
Blurring lines between wrong and right
Lost but for a time
By deception the difference
And no longer.

A view from above
That reveals the purpose
Outside of concrete dimensions
More than we can see
All is put together
Joined at last
To set us free.

All is well
All is known
All is forgiven
And all things new.


Remember

On the road spits the gravel
Gray, brown, in shades of lead
Only the engine to pierce the calm
Heavy stillness blankets the hills
Past the fields
Where the branches are gathered
Naked remnants of former glory.

The chimney still stands
Just past Blacks Mill Road
All that’s left visible and haunting
Blackened by long dead fires.

A cool October mist
Hangs in the trees
In the Churchyard
Where the old headstones are leaning
Unreadable letters
Worn down by time
Silent and namelessly
Waiting.

Blurring past the squared window
Melting into the road behind
Outside the doors
Shiny and black
To an uncertain future
Of swirling gray.

I can almost remember
That part I threw away
In the back of my mind
In the elusive shadows
Of doubt
There it is.

Strange race of untamed spirits
Searching for the scattered remains
Separated for so long we forgot
Like the knowledge of infants
Lost and unremembered
But deep down inside the heart
We know.

So long ago created
But only now
In the weight of being
So long ago promised
But only now
Hearing and seeing.

What we can see
Only a small portion
What we can prove
Filtered through
Man made distortions.

Not far from the sandpit
Where the dead soldiers are buried
Never far from ashen wood
Rolling countryside of forgotten time
Even the valley’s cry out your name
Distant houses of hushed memory
Knee deep in rot and blood.

Do others remember?
Do they also feel the gap?
Evident in sleepless dreams
Or during the early watches.

It is there
At the painful tug
That unsatisfied longing
For something else
We cannot find.

That treasured secret
Beyond sight or sound
Of what we
Were meant to feel

Remember the peace
Of contented rest
Remember the joy
Of true love
Remember
And remember again.

The memories of before
Unlocked at last
But still more questions
Than answers.

Free falling
Through the ages
To where the secrets
Are gathered
I can almost feel
The stone and wood.

Age of Iron
Age of steel
Pieces of rock
That cannot be broken.

I could barely hold on
Heavy white building
Marbled columns
And grey streaked blocks
Carved faces frozen and cold
Modeled, burnished and covered in gold.

Solid yet wearing thin
The kind of luster
You cannot capture
Both brilliant and brief
Better in your memory
Than what we saw or tasted.

Ancient war of rebellion
And the ancient rule of law
Ratified in blood
Foretold in the beginning
And falling swift in the end.

When the race is run
And the sky melts away
When we’ve stood the test
We will know
And we will remember.