Black is the color

Black Sheep

Black is the feeling
And black is the color
When we look backwards at the past
Or inwards to the pain.

We set ourselves apart
And ruminate in the night
Thinking of the darkness
Apart from the light.

I am a black sheep
Because I have run away
Hiding under the covers
Of darkness
Thick and final.

I have sought out a deep dark hole
And I have covered myself in death
Absorbing all the pain
In black lesions.

I wear the scars proudly
But I have yet to know the joy
Of giving up the numbing remembrance
To truly live and breathe.

An unending the sequence of day and night
Living the same day over again and again
Like a pebble rolling along with the tide
Numberless in the sands of time.

This reservoir of disappointed dreams
This ocean of the everyday
Unsearchable as the secrets of the deep
Unknowable as the thoughts we keep.

Staring down into the eyes of the soul
Breaking these thoughts down in my heart
Essential moments few and far between
All else wasted and meaningless it seems.

Looking through a curtain of blindness
Through velvety folds of wishful thinking
Searching for answers both true and clear
Through a prism of smoke and mirrors.

This cold pale whiteness that I can hear and see
Background noise just beneath recognition
Listless and bored by the sum of my days
Piled up like deadwood and primed for ignition.

Moving in the shadows
With the vampires of yesterdays pride
Slowly approaching to steal my heart
As my dreams and reality collide.

We feel it in the sunny days
In the moments of joy and laughter
The hope of safety and riches
And immortality.

Far away from us in the day of darkness
Weighted and crushed into the ground
Alone and afraid of the days ahead
And the load of stones we carry.

Somewhere in a forest
The trees are burning
Somewhere in a cave the terrorists are plotting
Somewhere in a boardroom someone is stealing
And before a judge someone is lying.

The days stretch out in front and behind
Each one seeming the same
History repeated in the same old lessons
That we never know
And never learn.

Are our lives unique some may wonder?
Still others never even bother to ask
Arguing and chasing unimportant things
Filling our days with meaningless tasks.

No one seems to wonder at the meaning
Is this what life is all about?
Does it have any meaning besides what I feel?
Regretting the past and dreading the future.

Is there really a beginning or an end?
And what does eternity really mean?
All our answers are just a guess
As no one knows
The number of our days.

I have bones and I have blood
I can feel my heart beating below
Inside there is a spirit and a soul
More than I can measure
And more than I know.

Inside our skin and every man’s house
There are the secret skeletons
Like the monster trying to get out
Of mind and memory.

Everything we ever wanted
And everything we think we need
Doesn’t mean anything at all
And it won’t stop the tears
Or the blood.

All that we work for
Will not buy a minute more
All that we strive for
Lasts but a moment
And then no more.

I thought about this life and what it means
And I thought about the strangeness I feel
Because I am but a visitor
And a alien
Misunderstood and alone.

My enemies may surround me
And it comes as no surprise
Because lies and deception run rampant
But still I will not fear.

This world is full of mockers
And they laugh
As the blood of the good
Runs and pools
Unaware of the future
Black and sticky.

But the good who remain
Must rise and risk
Because without us
There is no future
Or hope.

We must break the shell
And struggle to be free
Standing apart without regret
Unafraid of ridicule or loss

The fear has left me
The regrets and worries as well
Because I have opened up my heart
And poured it on the page
At peace with the past
And ready to live.