Countdown

Countdown 11/21/2014

 

I didn’t expect much

But I got even less

As another day sinks down

Dead and gone.

I was forgotten

And I was overlooked

Even though I really tried

With all my heart. 

Perhaps I am deficient

And perhaps I don’t understand

Maybe what I thought was love

Was really nothing at all. 

Words cannot describe

What it feels like

And even the passage of time

Has not lessened

The stinging pain. 

What kind of person

Could ever do that

And go one smiling

Like nothing had happened at all. 

And where is good

When evil wins

Gloating and taunting

At every chance. 

I knew my faults

And I really did try

But like a spurting artery

The bleeding was impossible to stop.

Months, days, and hours pass

And still I wait

For the obvious acknowledgement

That I should know

Will never come. 

Many go on

Oblivious to the truth

Pretending and playing house

Dumb, fake, and stupid. 

Could they really be that wrong

And do they really not think at all

As they skim the surface

Never knowing at all. 

A skin has grown over the wound

But now it bleeds on the inside

Hurting more than ever

With a dull throbbing pain. 

I am alone in a crowded room

As I listen to bits and pieces of conversation

Filtering through the air

All about nothing

And predictably dumb.

I am marked by my mistakes

And I am straightened by rejection

Left with nothing

And found wanting

In the worst possible way. 

The world goes on around me

And everyone pretends
That all is well

While I sit and wait for nothing

Just as sad as yesterday.

The weak will never admit fault

Because they do not have a soul

Unable to survive without lies

And appearance.

Taking pictures and exchanging gifts

They do it all

And make sure I know

As if I could not guess

And had not suffered enough. 

I am tired

And the thoughts wear me down

So I pray to carry on

Through another journey

Around the sun. 

God will heal me

Because this frozen world

Will never be enough

Freezing us all

Heavy, dark, and cold. 

As long as we remain

We will always feel the bite

The kind of longing that hurts

Even when we smile.

Strangers we remain

Even next to each other

More afraid of loss and rejection

Than we are of lies. 

Damn the world

And all of its indifference

Cruel beyond redemption

Callous, soulless, and dead. 

They will yet account

For every deed

And omission

Just like me

And you. 

Live like you are ready

From this moment on

Taking what is left

And making it yours.