Deep Sleep

Deep Sleep 2/25/2013

As an addict searches for relief
In whatever he can find
So we all look for something
That can never be found.

Searching for veins
Where no one can see
Just to get through the moment
And help find some more.

It could be day
Or it could be night
But there is no difference
When you cannot see at all.

Shrinking inside yourself
And unable to think
When you need something else
To help you, sleep at all.

The days blur together
Because all of them are the same
When everything hurts
And it’s never enough.

It’s not that I wanted to die
It’s just that I wanted to sleep
To skip over all the bad
And wake up
In another world.

I no longer cared
If I lived or died
Either one was okay
As long as it didn’t hurt.

Sometimes the dying curl up
Like a baby in the womb
But I stretched out
Naked on the couch
Unable to sleep or rise.

They have no dreams at all
And what they long for is death
A dark and deep sleep
That lasts forever.

But peace does not come
To men who cheat life
But rather an endless haunting
Is all that remains.

Unable to rest
And unable to leave
Opening and closing doors
Always searching for something
Long dead and gone.

Creaking up the stairs
And pacing the attic
Forever looking for the answer
That life never found.

But you must awaken
In order to understand
Just how bad it is
And how far you sunk.

I too have awoken
And it is a different world
One that
I do not know
A giant rotten fruit
Filled with worms.

I was looking for a soul mate
My other lost half
To finish and complete
This half written dream.

But not everyone thinks the same
And some do not want to know
Preferring a smooth surface
Without inconvenience or sacrifice.

They also search for something
But they just grasping at smoke
With their nose to the ground
And stumbling off a cliff.

They scream out
Look at me, look at me
But they have missed the point
Because no one can ever force
What is dead
On the living.

My eyes have opened
And I cannot close them again
Because what good is make believe
When you know from where it comes
And you know, where it goes.

Its not about me
And how I feel in this moment
Will never matter
The greatest gift
That I ever learned.

Its not how I feel
Or what anyone thinks
Its what I make
And where it goes.