Attrition

Attrition 10/24/2012

There is a war in our heads
And there is a war in our hearts
Killing you and killing me
Slowly but surely.

The same war of a attrition
Exploding in our synapses
Fought inch by bloody inch
Sapping all our strength
And sucking all our blood.

Living in the grip of our emotions
We lash out
At all the wrong times
Always dissatisfied
And horrified.

Some project their mistakes
To protect their pride
Instead of ever growing
Or learning.

Others retreat into themselves
And try to anesthetize the pain
Anyway they can
Whenever they can.

I tried them all
And carried them off a cliff
Falling for what seemed like forever
Until there was almost nothing
Left to lose.

And now I crawl upwards
Hand over hand
Up from the black
And it feels like forever
Since I last knew
Or dreamed.

Always searching for handholds
That never do exist
And wearing down my fingers
Until I can
Barely use my hands.

I tried to do it all
But the end is not up to me
Bigger than what I have
And bigger than what I want.

No matter how hard we fight
And no matter how hard we try
It’s not about me
And it’s not about you.

The fight goes on
And the truth shall stand
Even if we die
And even if we lose.

I can try and do
What is right
But no one man can fix
What so many have broken.

The end shall come
Both for me and for you
But there is no legacy
For the cowards in the drain.

It is never too late
Until it is
And even now
We can see eternity.

Finding the freedom to choose
Between life and death
And giving it our all
Heart, soul, and brain.