Choose

Choose                    10/2/2015

Of all the things to hear

And of all the things to say

Strange, alien,

Painful and sharp.

But some things

Don’t need an answer

So let me bleed in silence

And let it all sink in. 

There are some questions

That I wish I could ask

Even if, there is no answer

And even if,
I never know.

Where were you

When I was suffering?

And where were you

When I was alone? 

Abandoned, rejected

Forgotten, and ignored

Discarded like a tissue

Without a thought

Or feeling.   

Where were you

When I prayed?

And where were you

And when I cried out?

Did you ever even consider

How unnecessary it was?

Cutting, cruel,

Shallow, and low.

Whatever you want

And whatever you say

Because we all 

Must live with it

Forever.

And eternity is a long time

To marinate in hell

The kind we make for ourselves

Over nothing at all.  

Where were you

When I was haunted?

And where were you

When I was drowning?

Sinking ever deeper 

Until I no longer cared?

Naked on the couch

Unable to go on

And shaking with chills.

I could not forget

Even though I tried

Cut in half by small talk

Like I never existed at all.

It will not make a difference

But I will write it anyway

That it was worse than you can imagine

And I will never be the same.

I had to swallow it down

And I had to learn how to cope

Deliberately crawling back up

Inch by inch

And hand over hand. 

It has taken forever

And there is still far to climb

On my way back 

To some kind of normal

Mediocre and mild. 

But it isn't any different
Than what I said before
That the end cannot come
Until all of us choose.

I chose
And now I choose
For everything that was
And all that I ask.