Loveless

Loveless 8/15/2011

I am sorry for bringing you down
Because that is not what I wanted
But some ships were built to sink
And some dreams doomed to die.

I loved you
More than I thought possible
And I was the luckiest man in the world
Because I had more than I deserved
A beautiful and loving family.

I met the right person
But at the wrong time
Always pushing myself ahead of reason
And always in a hurry.

God had a plan
But I would never listen
And instead of patience
I took what could be had.

Like a dog at his bowl
I didn’t think of tomorrow
But instead I tried to build a life
That was impossible to keep.

By the time I knew
The damage was done
And happiness couldn’t come
Without pain and loss.

But anything that is built on sand
Will eventually sink
And rot
Reclaimed by the earth and the sea.

Every action and reaction
Leads to a thousand more
Each and every thought
Escalating our emotions
Either for better or for worse.

A ripple spread outwards
And poisoned all I had
With children treated as hostages
For a ransom of blood and money.

I wanted something greater
Something unadulterated by man
Something for the soul
And mutual inspiration.

Those are hard to find
But I had them anyway
Inconvenient and imperfect
But still just as wonderful
And full of promise.

She was the one
The one who let me know
Who prayed with me in the night
And brought me closer than ever
To God and to man.

It wasn’t easy for me
Trusting a God
That I had never seen
But it was with her that I dreamed
And it was with her that I knew.

I made a decision
And I opened up my heart
Leaving the past behind
To be used for a purpose
Greater than myself.

But God is a mystery
And his plans are beyond
Our understanding
Because we must be proved in the fire
Before the real test can begin.

I was cut off
Just before the harvest
And cut down
Just before the reward.

All for a reason
Just as predictable
As it was awful
And just as mysterious
As it was evil.

But God knows
And God also watches
Knowing my every move
And knowing my every sin.

What was it?
That I was supposed to learn
And for what great purpose?
Someday I hope to know.

My life was an average life
And my mistakes just as common
But there is no forgiveness
Without sacrifice
And no glory
Without heartbreak.

The years stretch out
But there must be something
That I have left to learn
Patience one of the hardest
And humility the most bitter.

Asking isn’t easy
When there is no one to help
And loneliness hurts
More than you can imagine
Day after day
And night after night.

We all have gifts
But some never know
But God gave me words
On the wings
Of a giant white bird.

It wasn’t earned
And it wasn’t deserved
But still I am thankful
And still I write.

The spirit brought me something
To see what cannot be seen
And to know what cannot be known
Impossible to define
And impossible to understand.

A strong spirit
Is greater than its body
Stronger than temporal limitations
And greater than any lie.

Inside the eyes of the spirit
I shall fly with wings of iron
And they shall know it is me
And there is nothing
That they can do.

I will never stop
Until it is finished
And I shall have everything
I ever lost
Plus ten times more.

Piece by piece
And blood for blood
All the money and all the treasure
The kind that never fades.

I shall have my treasure
And I shall have the glory
The kind only God can give
And only a servant can deserve.