Twelve Years of Christmas

Twelve Years of Christmas 1/2/2013

I wondered if I would ever write this
A poem about that lost chapter
That once was open
And now is closed.

There are days
That are supposed to be happy
Filled with joy
And mirth.

Moments were anything seems possible
And time stands still
Where we can sit back
And watch time unfold
Contented and satisfied.

Those are the golden moments
When you feel wanted and loved
Those glorious moments in the sun
When you are full of hope
And potential.

I have been waiting for this day
When I would finally write
About those twelve Christmases
A long time ago.

It was on Christmas day
When we got engaged
And no one clapped
Leaving me feeling strange, alien,
Rejected and alone.

Was it the circumstances?
Or the just the appearance?
That we were either evil
Or just immoral.

And it was also on Christmas
That they knew
We were splitting up
And I sat there
Like I never lived at all.

Out of sight
And out of mind
A forgotten man
Criminal and rejected.

There was no card
And there was no money
The first like the last
An awkward acquaintance
Invited in from the cold.

The food had no taste
And my future had no hope
Replaced in a heartbeat
Like I never loved at all.

Some people have no heart
And some people have no soul
As cruel as they are empty
Selfish, rude, and conceited.

But no one can remain empty
For something will always fill the void
Slipping inside the back door
Either something good
Or something evil.

I too have made a choice
To accept the spirit
Into my heart
Changing me and growing me
From the inside out.

But they did not know then
And they may never understand
Always hedging their bets
And always watching the door.

They have let doubt
Destroy them
And they have succumbed
To manipulation and lies.

I had to suffer
And I had to endure
Just to understand
What it meant to give
And surrender.

The Christmases in between
Are but a memory
Sandwiched between heartache
And desperation.

But it was those days
Poignant and painful
That made me what I am
The person I am becoming
One day at a time.

Invite good into your heart
And make today the first
Because tomorrow may never come
And yesterday is lost.

I will have what I lost
And I will be better
Tested and completed
Refined and forgiven.

Remember the good
And hold it in your heart
Because no matter what the future brings
Love is forever.