Artifact

Artifact 12/4/2012

I want to go home
And walk in the door
To see the warm yellow lights
And drink red wine.

To roll in the leaves
And play football in the yard
Back like we used to do
A long time ago.

To smell the air
And look at the trees
Huge gnarled and ageless
Towering over the house.

I want to crawl in the attic tunnel
All around the eaves
To rediscover the treasure
Buried in memory.

The place where I dreamed
And the place where I read
Under the falling plaster
And the dust of ages.

I can feel the wood
Even now with my hands
And I can hear the creaks
Of the basement stairs.

It has a stillness
And it had a feel
Heavy with the past
And magic.

But now I am far away
And there is no going back
Not to what was
Or might have been.

Regret is a lump in your throat
A jagged piece of glass
That you can never swallow
Or spit out.

I have tried enough to know
That loss and longing
Will kill the soul
And cripple the spirit.

Dragging you down
Into a hole
And covering you with dirt
Forever.

I live in a faceless world
Alone in a sea of people
Devoid of all spirit and character
Passionless and cruel.

Many are dead
And many have left
But most have given up
And run away instead.

And am on the brink
Holding on to what I can
Tied to diminishing returns
And drowning in the drink.

There is no one to blame
And there is no one to ask
Along again
As I always was
Living in my dreams.

My words are not enough
And life will always hurt
Until I break through
And open my eyes.