Up and Over

Up and Over 12/31/2012

The truth rears its head
Huge, grotesque and grinning
Unavoidable
And inevitable.

And there is nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Because there is no one to blame
Except maybe ourselves.

We should have seen it coming
But we just ignored all the symptoms
Letting them all metastasize
Beneath the surface.

Chipping away at liberty
And tearing off pieces of flesh
We live and die
By a thousand cuts.

But that is life
And that is death
Always coming
And nipping at our heels.

We were born to die
And we are destined to fail
No matter what we say
Or how hard we try.

We plug up the holes
And keep on chugging
Until it’s too late
And the water pours in.

We all have something we love
And we all have something to protect
A false sense of security
And middle class careers.

But how precious
Will our treasures prove
When they are seized and wasted
And how important
Will our reputations be
When we are silenced and persecuted.

Yes this is it
The future that we made
Every time we said ok
And looked the other way.

The very earth beneath our feet
The hallowed ground of our fathers
Eroded away
Until nothing remains
Sucking us all down
And inwards.

Like a herd of buffalo
Heading off a cliff
Loaded down with parasites
And full of arrows.

Up and over
Dead and done
So much for the memories
Rotting away in the sun.

Residue

The Residue 12/28/2012

I know more now
Than I ever knew then
But still I wonder what happened
And why you are not here.

The seasons come and go
And I still want to tell you
The first thing on my mind
But then I stop myself
And it hurts once more.

Life is not a movie
And love is not a TV show
But the more we live
We imitate art
And suffer even more.

We always think
A perfect life
Is just around the corner
And lay all of the blame
At the closest
And the dearest.

But my question
Remains unanswered
As I go through the motions
Of living day to day.

I have learned many things
And I now I finally know
What it means to wait, endure,
Grow and suffer.

I learned to be the same
Whether I am happy
Or if I am sad
Smiling through the day
With my guts falling out.

I have learned patience
And I have found contentment
Even without treasure
Or anything at all.

But what good is all this
When all it achieves is survival
What can I ever offer
Other than a depressing dirge.

I will survive
And I will struggle
But without you
It is dull
And dead.

I tread the roads
But my steps lack the same conviction
Less purposeful
But heavy.

For now I live in spite
Like a ghost without his head
Always searching
But never finding.

I will have rest
When I understand
And I will laugh
When I hold you again.

Remember This

Remember This 12/27/2012

The great white storm
Has dropped its gray drizzle
Coming down in frozen silver sheets
All over the house
And all over the streets.

I sleep under the covers
As long as I can
Hiding in the dark
To forget who I am.

The fever kept coming back
For three and a half days
Chilling my bones
And burning my head.

The words came to me
In rapid fire succession
Perfectly phrased
And flowing.

And I tried to remember them
As I drifted off to sleep
But I still lost them
In the dark
And in my sleep.

The fever broke
And I am better
But all I thought about
Is forgotten
And lost.

Other men have lived
And other men have died
But how much more
Could they tell us
If only we knew.

They too had dreams
And they also loved
Even if tragic
And even if doomed.

They aspired
And I am sure they tried
Not any worse than you
Or me.

There is much unsaid
And much unrecorded
Unsung and unheralded
Forgotten and lost.

But they left us something
Priceless and enduring
The experiences of a lifetime
And the world they knew.

In philosophy, literature, and history
In culture, values, and deeds
A treasure worth remembering
All laid at our feet.

The gift of knowing
The good and the bad
Because there is nothing
New under this dead sun.

A gift of knowledge
About the horror of control
And the creeping hands of the few
To manipulate the many.

About the violence of dictators
Worshipped as Gods
Murdering millions
Rendered defenseless
And dumb.

We could stay asleep
And pretend everything’s okay
Sucking up all the messages
Predictable and sanitized.

Like good little lambs
And we keep our heads down
Always belittled
And always berated.

But for me
It’s time to kick off the covers
And it’s time to dust off the dirt
Shaking off the sleep
Of weeks, months, and years.

Because it isn’t about me
But rather those I love
Brought into this world
For me to leave behind.

Others can say what they want
And they can do what they will
But in the end
The truth remains
The same as before.

So I shall rise
And do the best I can
Fighting long after
All is hopeless
And lost.

Leaving the best thing
I could ever give
The gift of inspiration
And remembrance.

Doomsday Cowboy

Doomsday Dark 12/21/2012

A cold wind blasts my face
And you can see my breath
Hanging in the air
As I walk down the gray streets
Like so many days before.

Another day of the same
And another day
Slogging it out
In a mindless bureaucracy
More dead than alive.

The world grinds on
Even as the machines rust
Slowly lurching forward
And groaning
Under the strain.

We get tired
And we get impatient
Just waiting for something to give
Or something to change.

I have not given up
And I am still here
More defiant than ever
And twice as determined.

Maybe things will get better
Or maybe they will get worse
But either way
The fight goes on.

For every end
There is also a beginning
And for every loss
There is renewal
And growth.

Even the unthinkable
Can never stop love
For love survives
Even horror and death.

The spirit is strong
And I can feel it now
Surging in my veins
And discharging
Out my fingers.

The words come out
Like machine gun fire
Rapidly flowing
From heart to hand.

There were days
I did not think I would make it
When I thought I would die
In misery and rejection.

There are things
I will never understand
But then again
What is reason
In a world gone insane.

The end comes
Not when we watch
But on all the days
When we forget
And fall asleep.

It comes upon us
Like a friend with a knife
Slipping it in our backs
And twisting it slowly.

God looks down
And sees our lives
Spread out on a ruler
Knowing our decisions
And our prayers.

He who has made us
Also sees our end
Even as we speak
And even as we think.

Everything that was
Or ever will be
Strung out over a flat surface
In a single field of vision.

We will never be perfect
And we will never be finished
But the new world will never come
Until this one is over
Fully ripe and rotten.

I have not given up
And I am still here
More defiant than ever
And twice as determined.

There is nothing to stop us
And there is nothing left to fear
Nothing but endless opporutnity
To succeed or fail.

These are trying times
And it is easy to become complacent
Distracted
And shallow.

It is easy to give in
And surrender to the tides
Letting the prevailing winds
Drive us into oblivion.

God only knows
What more we must suffer
But as for me
I pray for the strength
To never give an inch
And always seek the truth.

So here is to the survivors
Who are still standing
The last battallion
Of warrior poets.

Not all victory is in the flesh
And not even the ghosts
Know the day and the hour
When at last we understand.

But blessed are the men
Who believe without seeing
In a world greater than this
And brighter than the sun.

Splinters

Splinters 12/20/2012

Some shall go gently
Into that long night
But others shall fall hard
Head over heels
And onto their swords.

One chapter ends
And another begins
A natural break
In the story of man.

It could be slow
Or it could be quick
The change in the air
By rule, thought, or disaster.

How long will it be?
Before our thoughts are searched
And our DNA scanned
Knowing every move
And every idea.

Who will decide
Who shall live or die
And who shall judge the powers
Of oligarchs’
And dictators.

Such is the folly of man
Giving away all his choices
For nothing
But propaganda
And lies.

One thing leads to another
And everything we see
Is twisted beyond recognition
Force fitted into a narrative
That no one will question.

The world may not be ending
But man has run his course
Ruining everything he touches
And everything that works.

Taking everything and giving nothing
We throw over the rope
And string it tight
Killing ourselves and killing the future
Just to get what we want.

What fools are the short sighted
Who only see how it looks
Condemning their children to mediocrity
Just to feel good about themselves.

Blind to the wisdom of the ages
That a man is at his best
When he does what is right
Striving for what is higher
No matter if he suffers
Or hurts.

False pride is the feeling
Of a new and deadly sun
Feeding the flames of hatred
And envy.

Tomorrow may not be the end
As things do not always happen on cue
But rather when we lay down to sleep
Sigh, and close our eyes.

A Great tree
Contains many splinters
But only one matchstick
Can burn a forest.

The many can swarm the good
And they can kill a few
But the fire they start
Can quickly turn
Burning themselves
Roasted and dead.

Smoke Rings

Smoke Rings 12/18/2012

Like birds fighting over a fishbone
So is the saga of man
Pulling and tugging at nothing
And falling all over ourselves.

We work and strive for a better life
But all of it disappears in a second
As we huddle together
And wait for the end.

Evil has a mind
And evil has a face
Cold, gaunt, skeletal
Cold and demonic.

The young go to heaven
While we live in hell
Spoon fed by television
How to act, think, and feel.

Today may not be the end
And maybe not tomorrow
But nothing lasts forever
And neither will we.

But for every puppet
There is a hand
And for every message
There is a story.

We are played like fools
Until we are too old to fight
And then we walk like sheep
Into that good night.

If life is such a waste
Then why not be a rebel
Sticking out our heads
Just enough to be noticed.

What is the worst
That any man can do
Nothing but push us
Back down
Or call us names.

Some may suffer
But all men suffer
And some may die
But all men die.

Better it is to die a free man
Surviving by his wits
And tenacity
Then it is to die
In the safety of slavery
And lies.

For what is life
But a thin wisp of smoke
Better to be used wholly
Than wasted on the way.

Ebb and Flow

12/17/2012 Ebb and flow

Time wears down the senses
And makes us numb to the gore
Desensitizing the good
And emboldening the worst.

Rising up inside
In fevered desires
An evil inspiration
Hatched by the times.

Powerful men
Care only for themselves
As they do their best to lie
And force out
Crocodile tears.

Welcome to the end
And welcome to the beginning
A future and the past
Bathed in blood
And running away.

The doors are broken down
And they have come off their hinges
Letting in the monsters
To eat their own.

The innocent cry out for protection
Just like they knew
They would
Ready for any false savior
To enslave us all.

Behold the horror of man
And beware the false promises
Because barbarity is coming
For you and for me.

Many have died in silence
Because they were too afraid to speak
And many have been persecuted
Because they dared not interfere.

The poetry goes on
And we are blind to the truth
That some are unreachable
Soulless and dead.

There is no mercy
In a world gone insane
And there is no escape
Without courage and loss.

Evil is real
Now more than ever
Rearing its hoary head
In vacant minds.

You can blame anybody
If you have a megaphone
Drowning out the opposition
In a one-sided lie.

God lives
And he will claim the good
Spending his wrath upon the worm
Writhing in our brains.

Though they hide in caves
He will find them
And though they exalt themselves
He shall humble them.

Dangerous Girls

Dangerous Girls 12/14/2012

I should have seen it coming
And I should have never tried
Because what man can love a ghost
And ever live at all.

I should have run away
Instead of asking for more
But what can man ever do
When he thinks
He is in love.

I didn’t know then
What I know now
But I thought I knew it all
The first time
We met.

I could see forever
In her eyes
Serene but spirited
And full of eternity.

But her mouth was full of razors
That cut both ways
Full of wit and candor
That cut me in half.

I should have known
Not to play with fire
But like a child
The flame always fascinates
And draws me in.

I did not look back
And I did not question
Pursuing her with a passion
That has never faded.

I got what I wanted
But I got a lot more than that
More than I ever could appreciate
And more than I deserved.

I was burned by the sun
And brought down with lies
Dragged around by my feet
For everyone to see
Naked in the street.

I had to pay a price
And for me that was enough
But nobody gets away free
And it’s always more than you think.

She said that I was poison
And then she left me alone
Trying to wrap my arms
Around a memory.

Life happens to everyone
And it also happened to me
Because comfort is more important
Than love
And escape more important
Than obligation.

Every drop is precious
But that is all it takes
As the poison enters the bloodstream
And paralyzes our brain.

I would have done anything
To keep what I had
But losing it all
Was the best thing
For my soul.

I am in her
And she is in me
And nothing can erase
What is true
And what is right.

I will have all I want
And then it will be enough
Far away from here and now
In a new place and time.

Zig Zag

Zig Zag 12/13/2012

Looking back
We remember the ups and downs
The euphoric highs
And the devastating lows.

We forget the in between days
The decades of neutral gray
When nothing changes
Except imperceptible time.

We remember the insults
And when we were wronged
No matter how small
Or accidental.

And we cherish the heady days
Of first loves
And butterfly kisses
No matter how infrequent
Or underserved.

We feel a familiar twinge
When we remember the
Long last looks
And tearful goodbyes.

We live and we learn
But backslide again and again
Always forgetting what matters
And what does not.

The money comes
And the money goes
While we strive
And jostle
Over nothing at all.

I get better
And then I get worse
Rising above one day
And sinking down the next.

Wasting my time
And wasting our lives
Measuring our value
Against imaginary standards
And subjective lies.

But all of this and more
Is what makes us who we are
The getting up and going to work
Every single day.

The moments when we resisted the urge
To strike out in anger
Or when we did what was right
Even if it hurt.

It can take a lifetime
To master our emotions
And the fight never ends
Against egoism and pride.

But the fight goes on
Whether we know it or not
The war within
And the war without.

But every time we stand
And every time we smile
Even in bitter loss
We become worthy
And more than a conquerer.

The Safe Room

The Safe Room 12/12/12

Sometimes I laugh
And sometimes I smile
But no matter how hard I try
I still feel the loss.

I am no longer safe
And I am no longer foolish
Sold out and forgotten
By those who swore to protect
And defend.

My home is gone
And my world unrecognizable
A paradise lost
And ravaged by time.

Some have awakened
And some still sleep
But others sleep forever
In the dirt
And in the dust.

They have hidden themselves
And protected their treasure
Hiding behind privilege
And authority.

Wise in their own eyes
They have betrayed the fallen
And condemned their children
To a life of servitude
And derision.

Sitting in safety
In glass and steel towers
They skew the truth
Any which way they like.

Never held accountable
And never telling the truth
They hide behind the same old stories
We have all heart before.

Look around
And you will see the reality
That horrible sinking feeling
That the best days
Are gone.

Our minds are poisoned
And our future is a sham
Unsustainable and untenable
And saturated with blood.

They look the other way
And ridicule the good
While a cruel and barbarous
Men steal everything they can.

But no matter how much they try
They will never succeed
Because some of us are awake
And some of us
Will survive.

The payment will come due
For all the pain they have wrought
And it will paid in full
Forever.

Be not intimidated
And be not afraid
Because sometimes things get worse
Before the tide turns.

Star Fall

Star Fall 12/11/2012

The world is full of poets
But the world has no heart
Nothing but an endless stream of childishness
That we have all heard before.

There is no one to blame
And there is no one to punish
Not for what we are
And not for where
We are going.

Getting angry doesn’t help
But giving in is worse
Because even an animal
Grows bolder
Whenever he senses fear.

There is no need to run
And there is no need to complain
Because the answer is as obvious
As the sun.

Look today and notice
What it is
That roams the street
And who it is
That murders.

Nothing can change
The truth outright
And mere words
Are nothing but a joke.

The silence says it all
Everything we should have known
A tacit form of approval
In accordance with their view.

At star fall
Everything will change
But it will be too late
For apologies
Or excuses.

The heavens shall shake
And fall upside down
As men run
And try to hide.

But the good have nothing to lose
And they have nothing to fear
Because without loss
There is no growth
And without an end
There is no beginning.

Dead Dawn

Critical Mass 12/10/2012

They say that time
Heals all wounds
But that is not always true
Because it’s the old wound
That cut me the deepest
And heals from the inside out.

She took out my heart
But never closed up
The hole
A gaping, sucking, ditch
Full of blood and pus.

Bleeding forever
And never closing
A deep, black crevasse
Always empty
And aching.

I will never be as beautiful
As I was then
And I will never be as self assured
Or as safe.

The easy smile are gone
And nothing will bring them back
Because everything that was good
Is desolate,
And abandoned.

The man that I was
Might as well be dead
Buried facing downwards
With a knife in his back.

But who should be surprised
And who should be shocked
Because that is the way of men
Who put themselves
Ahead of God.

They have made their world
And this is what they will own
Taking everything they can
And tipping everything over the side.

The critical moment has come
As the locusts consume the harvest
Carrying away every last shred
Until nothing remains.

But nothing lasts forever
And even the plagues
Shall spend themselves
Dying in heaps
At the side of the road.

Even the good die
And even the noble
Often lose
But in the end
Just like the beginning
Vengeance is Gods.

Solitaire

Solitaire 12/6/2012

Man is strong
But we also need each other
And there is nothing worse
Than loneliness
And rejection.

Not every child is loved
And not every child is taught
Becoming man made monsters
By abuse and neglect.

These are the things
That trouble the heart
And haunt our dreams
Burning images into our brains
That never die.

I have no answers
For the cruelty of man
Beyond my comprehension
Dark and alien.

And I have no explanation
For the selfishness of fools
Operating without a conscience
And corrupting everything they love
And everything they touch.

They shall get their reward
And fall upon their words
Reaping the harvest
That they have sown.

I was loved enough to know
How much it can hurt
And now that I have lived,
And lost
I know what it’s worth.

A gaping hole
Is in my heart
And it bleeds
Into my chest.

Sapping away my strength
And aching every day
Always searching for what is missing
And will never return.

The journey upward
Is hard
And the road home
Is full of suffering.

But without pain
How would we ever know
The value of new beginnings
And redemption.

Now my eyes are opened
And now my heart understands
Growing closer to God
Inch by inch.

Stagger

Dead Man's Stagger

Today is like any other day
Another day at the office
And another day at the trough
Sitting in our chairs
And taking what we get.

No one asks questions
And no one rocks the boat
Because it doesn’t matter what we think
If all that matters
Is how it looks.

We pretend we don’t notice
What happens outside
And we pretend that everything’s okay
As the world implodes.

I work my day
And collect my check
Motivated by fear
And never by hope.

Too burdened by debt
And too exhausted to care
Our minds numb
And our hearts heavy.

Watched every minute
We are told what to believe
Because the truth is forbidden
And freedom is betrayed.

The day will come
When no one remembers
What it was
That we had
And what it was
We lost.

I am a number
And so also are you
Nothing but a nuisance
And an obligation.

You can never solve a problem
If you can’t say what it is
And you can never make a difference
If the truth is demonized.

It is all around us
And grows in the dark
A creeping infection of the spirit
Killing us every day.

Killing our nerves
And deadening our senses
Making the living full of regret
And walking like the dead.

A heaviness fills the air
And a hopelessness drags me back
Pulling me downwards
And into the ground.

Soon the dead shall live
And the living shall cry
Because all the time in the world
Has never been enough
Neglected, wasted,
Murdered and abused.

Artifact

Artifact 12/4/2012

I want to go home
And walk in the door
To see the warm yellow lights
And drink red wine.

To roll in the leaves
And play football in the yard
Back like we used to do
A long time ago.

To smell the air
And look at the trees
Huge gnarled and ageless
Towering over the house.

I want to crawl in the attic tunnel
All around the eaves
To rediscover the treasure
Buried in memory.

The place where I dreamed
And the place where I read
Under the falling plaster
And the dust of ages.

I can feel the wood
Even now with my hands
And I can hear the creaks
Of the basement stairs.

It has a stillness
And it had a feel
Heavy with the past
And magic.

But now I am far away
And there is no going back
Not to what was
Or might have been.

Regret is a lump in your throat
A jagged piece of glass
That you can never swallow
Or spit out.

I have tried enough to know
That loss and longing
Will kill the soul
And cripple the spirit.

Dragging you down
Into a hole
And covering you with dirt
Forever.

I live in a faceless world
Alone in a sea of people
Devoid of all spirit and character
Passionless and cruel.

Many are dead
And many have left
But most have given up
And run away instead.

And am on the brink
Holding on to what I can
Tied to diminishing returns
And drowning in the drink.

There is no one to blame
And there is no one to ask
Along again
As I always was
Living in my dreams.

My words are not enough
And life will always hurt
Until I break through
And open my eyes.

Bloody Water

Blood in the Water 12/3/2012

Some days are longer than others
But still they pass bye
And die in the night
Gone forever
And impossible to retrieve.

The good and the evil die
And in the morning
Everything is the same
The birds chirp
And the sun rises.

Gradually the frost gives way
Coffee warms the blood
And we log in
For another try
And another day.

The news is the same as yesterday
As murder, suicide and horror
Unravels across the world
Incrementally growing
Every single day.

A whole world is dying
And a whole experience is gone
Passing by almost unnoticed
Invisible and gray.

We mourn the loss in the different ways
And many men have felt the pain
Of quiet longing for simple pleasures
Freedom and tranquility.

But the loss is not ours
And the killers are exposed
Loudly boasting
And rolling in the dirt.

They bar their teeth
And they frolic in the water
As tiny rivulets of blood
Run off their backs
And cloud the sea.

Pray for the ghosts
And pray for the spirits
Because their time is at hand
Thundering across the sky.

A great clash shall come
And it has already happened
The future overlapping the past
And the past predicting the end.