Brake Check

Brake Check      8/31/2015

Inward, outward

Over, and done

We attract what we are

And repel everything else.

The discomfort is gone

But reality has set in

That something is wrong

And it’s going to get worse.

If I have been wrong

Then I have been right

Because even a fool

Can guess

And learn from his mistakes.

But what am I to think

When I track the omissions

When every single mistake

Points in the same direction.

Waking up and going to sleep

We all react

Just like we think

Sensitive to appearance

And criticism.

Compensating and over compensating

Trying to please everyone

In order to be accepted

And loved.

But what would

The evil do

Except to do the absolute minimum

Just enough to survive

And continue. 

Unhindered by conscience

And immune to guilt

Methodically taking aim

With every action they take. 

Willing to use every trick

And lying with ease

Stonewalling every effort

Hiding all the evidence

Through coercing and threat.

It took a sharp knife

For me to awaken

But waking up is nothing

When you are already

Bleeding out.  

We are just passengers

Watching the scenery

As the bus driver plots the course

Driving us where he will

And pressing on the gas.

You can switch your driver

But the direction never changes

Regardless of club

Each one is bought

Packaged and sold. 

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Hold on to your seat

Because there is no room for error

As the masters of deception

Make all the arrangements

For you and for me. 

Faster and faster

We watch the scenery change

From good to bad

And from better to worse. 

The arrow of decision

Points where it will

Obviously deliberate 

Off the road

And over the ledge. 

Transmutation

Transmutation      8/21/2015

Wounded but not dead

The white bird flies

Healed from the inside out

Lifting me up

And make me whole. 

The blows have come

Heavy and hard

But yet we survive

An indomitable remnant

Struggling within ourselves.

What has happened

Prepares us

As we learn from the past

To endure the future.

The greatest tests

Often go unnoticed

And even the smallest victories

Can make the greatest difference.

Nothing is over

And neither is the end

Unfolding before our eyes

The burning hatred

Of evil released. 

Lashing out

To do what it will

Inflicting as much damage

As it can

While it can. 

Horror upon horror

Documented and viewed

As even the deepest secrets

Are revealed for all. 

The truth will be twisted

And excuses will be made

Each blaming the other

Until the bitter end.

See the signs

Of bloody attrition

As the hounds are released

And fight among themselves.

Stalking and hunting

The old and the young

Anyone undefended,

Unprepared and unaware. 

Lie upon lie

And guilt upon lies

Unbearable

And unforgivable. 

Grace heals

And peace restores

Sustaining life

And feeding the soul. 

My iron wings have healed

And now I am alive

Unbound, unrestrained,

Fearless and free.    

Unmistakable and immeasurable
The miracle of life
And spiritual transformation
More than what we see
And more than what we are.

Code and Pattern

Code and Pattern                      8/21/2015

Everyone has faith 

Even those who believe in nothing

Their faith firmly in themselves 

And the approval of others.

Swimming like bait fish

In the sunlit waters 

Never having the courage 

To risk 

And to know.  

If we came from nothing

Then everything is nothing

Nothing but an accidental

Combustion of miasma

Accidental, random and meaningless.

My thoughts and spirit

Nothing but a random hallucination

The imaginings of an amoeba

Swimming in soup. 

But in my smallest pieces

Therein lies the name

A code written in letters

In a sequence of meaning

And information stored.

And what prophet

Or prognosticator

Has ever been right every time?

Provable beyond myth

And hidden in plain sight. 

To tell this truth

Is to be the hated

Mocked for the obvious

Unfolding before our eyes.

All of this

Has happened before

Played out on a reel

And stored in history.

All the same

And predictable on cue

The beginning, the middle,

And the end

Cause and effect

Choices and consequence. 

Never once wrong

No not even once

As one step leads to another

Like my hand over flame.

. 

It’s sad that we forget

And it’s sad that we are weak

Arrogantly pleasing others

Out of narcissism and pride.

Poking at the usual targets

The kind we know cannot hurt us

And mercilessly mocking the honest

Every chance we get.

But who has the courage

To speak the truth?

The real truth

Even against the protected

And above reproach?

If you cannot

Then you must know

Deep down the truth

Everyday

And everywhere. 

We jump on the few

And rain down with ridicule

While ignoring far worse

Every day and everywhere.  

Trace the blood trail

And see where it leads

Always to the same place

Now and then 

The truth and the lie.  

Grow up out of guilt

And come up out of fear

To the fresh air of truth

About who, why, and where.

I also have lived

And I also have suffered

Suspended in the night

Dangling between

Wanting to live

And wanting to die. 

Beyond all explanation

I was plucked out of place

And given a treasure

A precursor of truth

Undeserved and beautiful.

But if I had the slightest doubt

I would surely tell you know

But never have I been more certain

Of anything, anywhere. 

If only, we could believe

But without expectation

Even before we saw

And even before we knew.

We always plan

And we always wait

But by the time we see the proof

It’s always too late. 

Now is the moment to ask 

And now is the moment to knock

Unceasingly to try

Even without an answer 

With everything you are.    

Impotent me

Naked Impotence   8/20/2015

Just like sitting in the park

With a hole in your head

Tied up like a loose end 

Useless and expendable. 

But isn’t that all of us

The people inside the skin

Place holders and tools

Sitting in a row. 

Pulled out when necessary

And used until its time

Recycled into worm food

Or stripped for money. 

I live

But I am broken

Dead in the head

And cut off at the knees.

Withdrawn inside myself

Shriveled and impotent

Wasted along the way

By foolishness and pride. 

I thought I was immortal

And I lived for what I wanted

Pushing my luck

On borrowed grace. 

Stretching out my neck

At the worst possible time

Cut off and cut away

Headless, and limp.

I look at myself

And I look at my head

Still shocked I am alive

Without knowing how

Or knowing why. 

How long can I crawl?

And how long can I breathe?

Crawling along a razor

Covered in salt. 

A weight to my companions

And toothless to my wife

Nothing but a mouth

Dripping with blood. 

De clawed, devalued

Neutered, and limp

A donkey with a pack

Useful but Slow,

Boring and tired.   

Doubled over

And doubled down

Gut shot

From both sides

Hemorrhaging and mute. 

Unwilling and unable

Used up and wasted

Crumpled in a puddle

Face down.

Two and Twenty

Two and Twenty    8/20/2015

Black birds circle

In a dark and dusky sky

Smudged through a windshield

Diving and crying.    

Circling me

As I circle down

Spinning faster and faster

Over the drain

And under the spout. 

Thick as soup

And pregnant with anticipation

The weight of time

Full of fuel

And lightning. 

I thought I was free

And I thought I could skate

Coasting through life

Effortless and smooth. 

But thin  ice

Will crack under pressure

Dropping us through

And locking us down. 

And many have died

Back home in the ponds

Venturing out

When they should have stayed home.

The truth is

I never really tried

Paralyzed and impotent

With no one to pull me up

And no one to break me through. 

Staring sideways

Into a monochromatic wasteland

Frozen, white,

Gray and dead. 

Numb to the pain

And bleeding from the head

Dripping on the ice

Shocking and bright. 

Careless when we should be cautious

And timid when we should have fought

We pull against ourselves

And swing at shadows. 

Stomping on bugs

And abandoning our friends

We run from the evil

Exploding all around. 

Prostrating ourselves

Before little gods of clay

Obeying every rule

With empty heads

And frozen feet.

Furtively looking

And plaintively waiting

For someone else to help  

And someone else to act.