Tongues

Tongues 1/30/2013

It is hard to be patient
But some things take time
To grow and mature
Beneath the surface
Long before
We notice a thing.

Brewing for the longest time
And changing with chemical reactions
Transformed into something
That it never was
Either for the better
Or the worse.

Half a lifetime
Has passed me by
If I am lucky
And beat the odds.

But much has changed
Under my skin
And in my heart
Marking me forever
Separated and alone.

No longer does it hurt
And no longer am I surprised
When truth is stranger than fiction
And the world is full of lies.

We make our plans
But nothing turns out
Like we think it will
Up against a reality
Cold, dead, and certain.

Bodies lay out
Frozen in time
Their mouths open in horror
And dripping with blood.

Tell them
That they don’t matter
And tell them
That you don’t care.

Sitting in a bubble
Where the truth has no value
When all that matters is winning
And using.

Lying to protect the guilty
And lying to escape any scrutiny
Knowing that no one will be held accountable
And no one
Will pay the price.

Mixing up their names
Like they are worthless
And stamping out form letters
For each and every one.

Only a man of hatred
Hidden in his heart
Could ever be so callous
And so cold.

The rage barely concealed
And begging to come out
But not as long
As there is resistance
And not as long
As there is truth.

Carefully defending the guilty
And never missing a chance
To punish the honest
His hands in every pie
And his ears in every head.

Without truth
Man dies
And without a future
We might as well burn.

Rampaging in the streets
Fearless of the consequence
Because hell no longer waits
And God is at the door.

This world isn’t pretty
And this world has no grace
Nothing but vulgarity and hubris
Rotting in the streets.

The defenseless are attacked
And the good are mocked
Relentlessly ridiculed
By the safe
And the smug.

This tongue is mine
Until they cut it out
And this life is mine
For me to spend.

Nothing has ever been free
And nothing great can ever come
Not without loss
And not without pain.

I have turned my face
And set it as a stone
Determined
And defiant.

I have lit the flame
And it shall not go out
Burning brighter every day
Hot as the sun.

Partaking of the blood
That cannot be altered
The proof in my heart
Adopted and forgiven.

The Hive

The Hive 1/29/2013

Man is bigger than a bug
And God is bigger than man
Watching and waiting
As we tunnel and fight.

We scramble over each other
In pursuit of nothing
Struggling in a puddle of water
Until we drown.

We sting and we bite
Reflexively attacking
And dying
Unconscious and unaware.

Becoming what we always were
A part of the earth
A cog in the lifecycle
Useful and parasitic.

Divided by tribe
And divided by appearance
Invading each other
To subjugate and murder.

Insects worship their queens
And some men worship their kings
Looking for a savior
In flesh and blood.

In that we are just as soulless
Spiritless and dead
Just dirt and dust
Flying through the air.

The greatest gift was giving
But we have eaten it all up
More of a plague
Than a blessing.

Who could blame God
For dousing us with gas
And lighting up a match
To burn us all away.

To start us all over
Once more without the baggage
Young, pure, and innocent
Sinless and sanctified.

Who am I to judge
What is in the heart of God
Unworthy of his notice
But thankful
For his grace.

Blind Man's Bluff

Blind Man’s Bluff 1/28/2013

If you want to know the problem
Then look at the clock
Because time is running out
And that is, what they want.

When you are winning
What is it, that you do?
But stall for time
Until the clock runs out.

Creating distractions
Until the tipping point has passed
And then throwing up their hands
Because by then, it’s too late to question
And no one gives a damn.

The future makes no difference
Once the damage is done
Even if you were right
And even if you are dead.

Some will die
And some are born
But millions have come
And there are,
Millions more.

Eventually complacency comes
And we forget the shock
And what was a horror
Becomes the routine.

Time changes
But only a fool
Would make things worse
Unless that is what they want
And that is what they love.

Even doing nothing
Is a fateful choice
As the future collapses
In and on itself.

Some will wring their hands
And say “what went wrong?”
When you could see it all along
And no one did a thing.

Cowed into a corner
And afraid to tell the truth
We sit and watch it unravel
Bleeding out and lost.

Nothing is inevitable
But that is what you hear
Because they want you to give up
And live with the fear.

We are sold out
And we are betrayed
All for a little bit of power
And a few dollars more.

The frog is boiled
And we are done
Unless we wake up
And cut off the power.

It makes no sense
To pace in your cage
But rather to think
And do what you can.

The first man shall be a criminal
And there are always those
Who pay the price
But if not us, then who
And if not now, then when.

Unplug the power
And stop feeding the beast
Making the most of what you have
And treasuring the truth.

A bluff is a bluff
And a lie is a lie
No matter how many times
You say it
Nothing happens
And nothings done.

The ship is sinking
And all the rats will escape
Just as dumb as they are lucky
Parasitic and cold.

Double Vision

Double Vision 1/25/2013

Like a crystal ball
Filled with water
The future is filtered
Though a perilous present.

Others have looked
And seen it happen
The steep descent
And consuming fire.

The chaos of men
Running in the street
Bloodied, screaming
And burning with rage.

But who needs to see
When you can feel it in the air
That the tipping point is come
And everything is lost.

Smoky swirls
Curl in the water
Inky, dark,
Mysterious and foreboding.

I am a child
With everything before me
Young innocent
Kind and caring.

And I am a young man
Full of angst and worry
Never knowing what to say
Or who I was.

Older but no wiser
I am angered by the world
Hurling myself everywhere
As invincible
As I was foolish.

Then I am broken
And staggering home
Wasted, bloody
And destroying myself.

Now I am older and wiser
But many have been the losses
Learning too late
To save what I had.

Somewhere they can see it
The hidden and the lies
Those whose eyes have opened
To the truth and the light.

Seeing all the heartbreak
And seeing all the mockery
The horror of deception
And the terror of betrayal.

They can see
What really happened
And they can see
Who were the good.

As they fought alone
And abandoned
For hour after hour
On the roof tops
And in the houses
Surrounded and dead.

They can see
The liar
And all that he has done
Knowing every intention
And perceiving every motive.

No sleight of hand is missed
Above or beneath the table
Watching every movement
And every blow.

I did not know
Until it was too late
Watching my life flow out
And spread across the floor.

We are mortal men
And no longer can we pretend
That we can live forever
But God knows
And God remembers.

Looking downwards
As we look upwards
With tears of blood
Streaming down our faces.

With an aching heart
Watching us stumble
And watching us fall
Urging us to get back up again
All in one field of vision.

He sees me ask
And he sees me struggle
Knowing my steps
And every thought.

Listening and thinking
As I knock at his door
Praying for others
Broken and poor.

Stopgap

Stopgap 1/24/2013

Welcome dear stranger
To the land of the strange
Where the living wish for death
And the dead can never let go.

You can ask questions
But you will never hear the truth
Because what does the truth mean
When everyone believes a lie.

I was born for this
Because I was born for something
Invisible to the naked eye
All the information in the world.

There is something in me
That cannot rest
A tidal force of nature
Burning out of control.

Flowing in and flowing out
In a way, I can’t understand
Inspiring me to express
The words of man.

I have stood the test
But I don’t know why
Still standing
And still breathing.

It doesn’t do any good
To be angry
But it pays to be careful
Holding the biggest stick
At my side.

Others wish me harm
And others wish me death
Living to hate
And loving to kill.

Limited by their brains
And limited in imagination
They thrive on jealousy
And insecure pride.

But they cannot see
Because their eyes are closed
Closed by deception
And blind by design.

Time goes by
And nothing ever changes
As we go on
More concerned with appearance
Than the future.

Passing off the problems
And hoping they will go away
Looking down at their feet
And pretending it’s okay.

The day to day
Has a horror
Of unspeakable waste
As we casually waste the gift
Of every risen sun.

Yes I was born for something
At the beginning of the end
Just when everything fell apart
And spun out of control.

The murderers run the prison
And the animals rule the streets
Very much at home
At the end of the world.

We can either live in false safety
And buy everything they sell
Or we can choose to search
And find out the truth.

You can choose what you want
As long as you don’t say a word
Carefully avoiding the truth
That’s destroys everything you love.

Yes welcome to the gates
Of long awaited tipping point
Where everyone gets what they want
And the world goes to hell.

For everyone and everything
Someone had to pay a price
But when they are gone
Who will know how
And who will know what.

Almost

Almost 1/23/2013

Do not let
Your head hang low
And be not troubled
Though your enemies gloat.

Those who have learned
Know that this must come
When many fall away
And a few stand strong.

For many are those
Born in ignorance
Subsisting on mere food
And drink.

But we live by more
And we shall not perish
Even if we lose
And even if we die.

A fool acts in shallow emotion
Without ever contemplating
Meaning or restraint
Never questioning himself
Or reaching higher.

But the good are different
And God has touched our souls
Filling us up
With wisdom
And fire.

I shall have what I need
And the spirit is strong
Stronger than flesh
And stronger than the world.

The world is heavy
And rotten to the core
As it gushes over evil men
And punishes the good.

Their bodies are dragged
In the street
Naked and bloody
Desecrated and defiled.

Like animals
They howl with laughter
Mocking the good
And stomping on the injured.

Wear their hatred with honor
And walk in the truth
Never giving in
And never giving up.

They shall spend their fury
But only for a little while
Until all of them fall dead
Unworthy and forgotten.

Downward

Downward 1/18/2013

I am a checklist
And I am a tool
Used as long as its cost effective
And then thrown out
When I am done.

Others control my life
And a committee determines
How much I am worth
And how much I’ll make.

They will look at the checklist
And they will look at my name
Determining what I bring home.
Just enough for the minimums
To cover what I’m loaned.

They never knew me
And they never will
Just a cog in a machine
Rusted and stuck.

Expendable as an allen wrench
But ready when I am called
Just to nod my head
And do what I am told.

Dumb enough to ask for more
But smart enough to understand
That integrity has no value
And truth is risky, worthless, and dumb.

They know I’ll spend the money
And then come back again
None the wiser and wasted
Just like I always was.

We circle the drain
For weeks, months, and years
Unable or unwilling
To stop or question.

We spin our wheels
And dream of a perfect life
One that never happens
And one that never will.

You can hope all you want
And you can dream
In the middle of the day
But no man can erase
What he has never done.

I am free to drink and eat
Until they tell me I can’t
And I am free to think what I will
Until they know what it is.

I could quit today
But they know that I won’t
Spending my days
In day dreams
Of a world that never was.

But no one gets it all
And no one gets out alive
Everyone and everything
Sucked down the drain.

On the other side of the sewer
I pray there is paradise
Because I’ve seen enough to know
That all of this is wasted
And almost out of breath.

Riding the Hook

Riding the Hook 1/17/2013

We are all fish in the sea
Following each other
In one huddled mass
Even with all the room in the world
Afraid to break free.

Turning in unison
For a great shining lie
We forget the truth
And die like we live
Unconscious and dumb.

Some of us are like
Fish in fishbowl
Swimming from one side to another
Forgetting every few seconds
Who they are
And what they see.

And some of us
Just swim in a bucket
Staying fresh
And just waiting to die.

And some of us
Are free in the sea
Protected by fate
Or just dumb luck.

Free to swim
And dive deeply
Or beach ourselves
In despair.

Some of us have been hooked
And thrown back again
Too small to eat
Or just the wrong kind.

If you have a fish hook
Lodged in your mouth
Blood will trickle out
And mix with the water.

Spreading out behind
In a bloody cloud
Alerting the predators
That food can be found.

The more you struggle
The more you lose
As the fisherman lets you swim
And tire yourself out.

Soon you shall be thrashing
And laying on the deck
Weighed, measured,
And gasping for breath.

They will laugh
And tell stories
About how you fought
And take lots of pictures
Before they cut off your head.

It’s better to live free
Than it is to bite the bait
Swallowing it down
Before they rip it out.

The bait is before us
And plays on our emotions
Letting out the slack
And jerking it tight.

We can follow along
Or we can learn to survive
Mastering our emotions
And questioning our lies.

They say that fish
Rot from the head on down
And ike so many other things
That I have seen and found
Wise men live
And old men, are right.

Vacuous

Vacuous 1/15/2013

Some people have a black hole
In the middle of their heart
Sucking everything in,
And letting nothing out.

Endlessly searching for a soul
Or just something they see
Something to solve who they are
And tell them what to be.

Deriving value only from appearance
They have a void to fill
So they try to fill it with anything
Or anyone.

They will give you what you want
But only for a little while
Just enough to draw you in
And suck away your life.

Always looking for something
And not caring, if its fake, or maybe real
Something to possess, and control
Or maybe just to steal.

They have stolen from many
And they have stolen from me
But their time is almost over
So I’ll just wait
And let them be.

And I shall watch them disappear
Gone in an instant
Never to be remembered
Or reappear.

Sucked into the vacuum
Back to where they’re from
A deep, dark abyss
Inside of nothing
Black, empty, and dumb.

Bleeding Out

Bleeding Out 1/14/2013

She cut me good
And she cut me deep
From top to bottom
And from back to front.

And then she let me bleed out
Until there was nothing left
Staring at my heart under glass
As my eyes turned white.

Yes, this ship was built to sink
She was right about that
Jumping off at the just the right moment
And leaving me behind.

I went down with the ship
And saw the waters rise
Cold, unforgiving
Deep, dark, and dead.

Below deck there is no escape
Trapped in the between the bulkheads
Entombed forever
With no way out.

A man goes down
Wordless and straight
Because no one will hear
A call for help
And tears are no help at all.

You can drown in water
Or you can drown in blood
Filling up your lungs
And choking out your life.

Others escape
Because that it was they do
Stampeding for the exits
And trampling each other.

They do not remember
And they do not care
Rising and falling with the tide
Dumb luck and all.

Some will land on their feet
And some will die along the way
But in the end
Life goes on
Until it ends.

They can keep their life tidy
And sweep it all under the rug
Ignoring the unpleasant
And the inconvenient.

Getting away clean
Without debt or burdens
Escaping at the last minute
Guiltless and free.

The weight takes us down
No matter how hard we fight
Inevitable like gravity
Or water between our fingers.

Succumbing at last
To infection or wounds
Our bodies grow tired
And fall in the dust.

But there is always more
Than what we have seen
And blessed is he
Who believes,
But has never seen.

For we shall follow
Where others have tread
To the ground
And back up again.

They hated him first
So where is the surprise?
For better it is to be hated
Than it is to run away.

The world may fall apart
And all our hard work crumble
But here we are
And here I write.

The ghost has risen
And the spirit is strong
Pulling me up
And driving me on.

Pearls

Pearls 1/11/2013

If you have never suffered
Then just give it time
Because everything happens to everyone
If you live long enough.

I thought I knew
What everything felt like
But I had a lot to learn
So now I know to be thankful
And keep it to myself.

In time
Everything comes around
Because even the mighty fall
And are eaten by ants.

The end began
Before I was born
But something’s take time
And that’s why
I’m still here.

Unthinkable things happen
And we become blind to the truth
Desensitized into extinction
Because everything is a lie.

When everything is fake
It makes the truth seems crazy
And reality has become a movie
Edited after the fact.

The truth could be out there
And more horrifying than we guess
But would we even believe it
If we heard it?

I didn’t happen overnight
Much like the person
That I am
Broken, healed,
And broken again
All the way to the end.

For what purpose
Are we here?
And for what reason
Do we confide?

The odds are more
Than a million to one
That I could ever write this
And someone else read it.

But here we are
Against everything
We ever knew
Facing each other
And facing eternity
Without a purpose or a clue.

My name doesn’t matter
I learned that a long time ago
As dumb and naked
As I was born
But a lot less innocent
Than I was before.

But even the most humble man
Can hit upon a truth
A golden nugget in the dirt
Or a diamond in the dust.

For me the truth is my treasure
And eternity my goal
To find the peace of knowing
That I did the best I could.

There are others who will act
And there are others who will speak
But it is I alone
Who has set the sails
That determine where I go.

Take this and take them all
And do with it
What you want
Finding the pearl of wisdom
And discarding the rest.

Original Intent

Original Intent 1/10/2013

I wonder what they expected
That I would just curl up and die
Or that I would just fade into memory
And quietly disappear.

Gone without a trace
Like a long lost missing person
Identified and preserved
On a single piece of paper.

But most people don’t think at all
Too self absorbed to question
Blissfully unaware
And wildly over confident.

They go one from one thing to another
Without ever perceiving the truth
Just following the prevailing opinion
And buying it all for sale.

Automatically assuming that they know best
With a whole lot of artificial pride
Spoon fed from birth
To feel entitled
And deserving.

People become options
And individuality becomes a scourge
Something to be aggressively discouraged,
And actively denied.

But life doesn’t always work out
The way we think it will
And sometimes even the forgotten
Can come back
To haunt your dreams.

In the sky
The ghost ships are circling
And in the depths
The rocks are shifting.

The world has turned over
But it’s not over yet
Because in the end
Everything pops back up
Just like it always was.

I am still here
And I am still trying
Holding my place
With thoughts of my own.

Life will beat you up
And circumstance
Can knock you around
From one day to the next
Bouncing against the walls.

But it’s up to me
Where I go from here
Another day and another decision
To stay or to go.

To go down
And sleep in the dust
Or rise up
And open my mouth.

To remember or forget
And to accept or reject
But it’s the choice that matters
To each his own.

There are many who think
That they know better
About who I am
And what I should do.

But I prefer freedom
And all that it entails
The right to pursue whatever passion
And aspire to whatever I will.

Nothing in this world is certain
And nothing is guaranteed
No matter what we try to do
Or who we try to control.

God will confound man
And in the end
He will make the choice
Tearing down all false pretense
And the socially engineered.

Photocopy

Photocopy 1/9/2013

We are all waiting for something
And I have been waiting forever
Waiting for something to happen
And waiting for something to change.

Life knocks you around
But you can either stay down
Or get back up
Either crying out for help
Or doing it yourself.

I get up and I keep going
Steadily losing ground
Farther and farther behind
But never giving up.

Becoming like a photo copy
Of people trapped behind glass
Unable to escape
And captured forever.

Fuzzy and indistinct
Like muffled echoes
Across time
As we fall further and further
And disappear.

No one told me
To do what I have done
And no one forced me
To throw it all away.

Looking back
The memories merge
Into black and white images
Of who I was
And I what I did.

Making the same mistakes
Over and over again
Suffering but never growing
And drowning in regret.

Back when I didn’t know
I laughed and I blustered
Unaware of time
And deadly jealousy.

It makes me shudder to think
Of all the wasted time
Rearranging the pictures
In a house
Engulfed in flames.

And here I am
Sifting through the ashes
Gutted, blackened
Charred, and ruined.

Finding nothing but old pictures
And blurred photocopies
Capturing an instant
Lost in time.

What is worse
False hope
Or cynical indifference
Staring back at me
And desperately trying to get out.

Headlong

Headlong 1/8/2013

If there was one thing I could ask
For myself or for others
What would it be?
Because nothing seems to last
Or ever matter.

I wasted a lot of years
Searching for answers
Answers that never came
Except when the damage was done
And it was too late.

It is the truth
No matter how hidden
Because without it
Life is purposeless.

We are raised to believe
That there is no truth
But nothing is more calamitous
Than relative subjectivity.

It eats away the heart
Like a cancer
Leaving us empty and cruel
Mocking everything
And producing nothing.

Heaping scorn on others
As we manipulate messages
Fudging the numbers
And hiding the facts.

We are taught to avoid pain
And back away from fire
But I say to keep on going
Diving right in
Fearless and free.

For what the world desires
Is to stop you in your tracks
By intimidation and ostracism
To silence opposition
And kill debate.

To marginalize their enemies
With a single baseless accusation
Allowing them to continue
Leading lambs off a cliff.

But words or bullets
Can never kill the soul
And my spirit keeps going
Burning up the street.

May the truth well up
And come like a tidal wave
Sweeping everything away
Wiping everything clean
And new.

Take Your Pick

Take Your Pick 1/7/2013

My heart is bleeding
But it is not broken
And my future is bleak
But I am not defeated.

I awake
And I arise
Still going through the motions
Deliberate and sure.

Automatically knowing
Where to go and when to turn
I make my way to work
The same as before.

Yes I am chained
Chained to a desk
And paid to be quiet
Like a lamb.

But all is not lost
And this world will never own
My heart
Or my soul.

We are just sojourners
On our way
To somewhere else
And far better.

The lion sleeps
But stirs in my stomach
Burning in my heart
Like a thousand secret suns.

I am alive
And this is my story
Go and tell yours
So that we may rejoice
And live forever.

Limbo

Limbo 1/4/2013

Today the building is full of people
But I am alone in the dark
Because how can a fish live out of water
Or a man walk after death.

No one was ever meant
To live like this
Nothing but a an impediment to progress
Mucking up all the gears.

Like a ghost
Unaware he is dead
Still going through the motions
And unwilling to let go.

Still holding on to an old house
Even though others own it now
Opening and shutting the doors
And dragging chains up the stairs.

I am the ghost
And I have died
The old life over
And stuck in limbo.

Unable to make the transition
Between this world and the next
With too much unfinished business,
Regret, and anger.

Time is the hardest thing
A one way street of inevitable destruction
Wearing us down
Until we die.

There is no going back
And wisdom is such a precious thing
Arriving too late to change
The mistakes we already made.

So what are we to do?
Nothing but pause and remember
Never again forgetting
To embrace or act.

Breakaway

The Breakaway 1/3/2012

The truth stares at us
Every single day
In the dead eyes of a clerk
Or the carnage on the news.

Thankless, rude, and vain
We have used up our excuses
As we fall down a mountain
Of debt and delusion.

Centuries of history
Are erased in a generation
As we conveniently forget
All the good
And all the work.

Force fed the opiates
Of guilt and surrender
We are cowed into submission
One inch at a time.

Told that resistance is futile
And punished for the truth
We learn to be quiet
And we learn to be meek.

But the truth is worse
Than anything we imagined
Because they want more
Than just our money
Or acquiescence.

Servitude and slavery
Punishment and death
These are the goals of the ignorant
To satisfy their hate.

But nothing is inevitable
And yes even they shall fail
Sooner or later
To take their place
In the trash heap of man.

A few rebels have changed the world
Many times over
And a few can turn the tide
If they know who to ask
And who to serve.

Twelve Years of Christmas

Twelve Years of Christmas 1/2/2013

I wondered if I would ever write this
A poem about that lost chapter
That once was open
And now is closed.

There are days
That are supposed to be happy
Filled with joy
And mirth.

Moments were anything seems possible
And time stands still
Where we can sit back
And watch time unfold
Contented and satisfied.

Those are the golden moments
When you feel wanted and loved
Those glorious moments in the sun
When you are full of hope
And potential.

I have been waiting for this day
When I would finally write
About those twelve Christmases
A long time ago.

It was on Christmas day
When we got engaged
And no one clapped
Leaving me feeling strange, alien,
Rejected and alone.

Was it the circumstances?
Or the just the appearance?
That we were either evil
Or just immoral.

And it was also on Christmas
That they knew
We were splitting up
And I sat there
Like I never lived at all.

Out of sight
And out of mind
A forgotten man
Criminal and rejected.

There was no card
And there was no money
The first like the last
An awkward acquaintance
Invited in from the cold.

The food had no taste
And my future had no hope
Replaced in a heartbeat
Like I never loved at all.

Some people have no heart
And some people have no soul
As cruel as they are empty
Selfish, rude, and conceited.

But no one can remain empty
For something will always fill the void
Slipping inside the back door
Either something good
Or something evil.

I too have made a choice
To accept the spirit
Into my heart
Changing me and growing me
From the inside out.

But they did not know then
And they may never understand
Always hedging their bets
And always watching the door.

They have let doubt
Destroy them
And they have succumbed
To manipulation and lies.

I had to suffer
And I had to endure
Just to understand
What it meant to give
And surrender.

The Christmases in between
Are but a memory
Sandwiched between heartache
And desperation.

But it was those days
Poignant and painful
That made me what I am
The person I am becoming
One day at a time.

Invite good into your heart
And make today the first
Because tomorrow may never come
And yesterday is lost.

I will have what I lost
And I will be better
Tested and completed
Refined and forgiven.

Remember the good
And hold it in your heart
Because no matter what the future brings
Love is forever.