Silent Victory

Silent Victory    5/29/2015

I turned on Martins Farm

Near Suwanee Dam road

Hung a left Kings Street

Tracing my way 

To see where it went.   

I memorized the directions

Straight passed the gatehouse

Making only one more left

And I was there.

When I was happy

I could not hurt a fly

And when I was content

Anything could be forgiven.

But some men have demons

And some men

Have no soul

Long ago consumed by hatred

No matter how much they stole.

Jealous and insecure

They must win every time

Desperately seeking 

Another way to prove it

Every chance they get. 

Tonight my house is full of life

But I know, what it’s like

To be all alone

In a house of countless memories

Silent and deafening. 

Tonight there will be ghosts

In the mansion

Cursing in his ears

And crying out names

No one has ever heard.

Evil grows in darkness

And rot metastases with betrayal

Spreading through the blood stream

Like poisonous venom.  

Driving away

It didn’t hurt at all

A smile creeping across my face

A silent and beautiful victory

Unknown and unseen. 

No one may ever know

And no one may ever see

But the greatest struggles

Have often been fought

And won in silence.

Others can tilt at windmills

And others can poke at the wind

Punching at a wisp of smoke

Curling between their fingers.

I am free

Even with less

And I became, more than a victor

The day I learned

To master my emotions. 

Open your eyes
Because tomorrow the fight goes on
Each and every day
From the inside out. 

Duration

Duration            5/27/2015

I bled for 418 days

Before I even knew 

What I had lost

Agonizing through, ten thousand hours

Neither, dead or alive.

The blessing comes undeserved

But it remains

Through character

And integrity. 

But anything can happen

And anything can change

As we all watch dumbfounded

A slow rolling disaster.

A sacrifice

Split our world in half

Cutting us off

Neither halfway up

Or halfway down.

A televised kill zone

Triangulated on cue

As we all crawl forward

One inch at a time.

It is a strange thing

To view the past backwards

Lost down a rabbit hole

And far away from home.

Up is down

And down is up

Where reality is fake

And the truth a riddle.

Desensitized to death

The murders become a ritual

Focused by a camera

And socially engineered.

Even what is random

Can make sense from afar

But the future remains a mystery 

That no one can predict. 

Time elapses,

And folds over upon itself

Only because we do not believe 

And doubt the truth.   

It has been 3,460 days

Since I last, was sleeping

Awakened in the night

Snake bitten and dead.

Keep going 

And keep watching 

Always awake 

And always alert.

 

 

Stalked

 Stalked      5/26/2015

People don’t know

And they don’t ask

Even though they fear it

And feel it

In their heart.

Maybe it’s because

They would rather pretend

As we are all trained to ignore

The elephant in the room  

And the bones under the floor.

Some days, all can seem well

But the strange heaviness

Always remains 

The extra sensory perception

Of intensifying pressure.

Growing stronger every day

And straining under our feet 

Until the rocks give way

And the pressure is released

In a bloody spasm.

Sometimes we keep going 

Because we forget 

But in the end we survive 

Because we remember.  

 

Everything was good

And I felt such pleasant contentment

Thinking that I was lucky

And that I was immune.

Safe enough to be indulged

Without rivals or care

Easing back on the beach

With my hands behind my head. 

Drifting in a day dream

As I rested on the beach

Feeling the sun on my face

And the surf in my ear.

But pride is our ruin

And jealousy like a dagger

Puncturing the heart

And severing the spine.

Unaware, we are vulnerable 

And, as our eyes become heavy 

We tempt the tiger

As an easy kill 

Fresh and dumb.

Never sleeping,

And ever alert

Always watchful,

And stalking

I thought I had, all I needed

And I dreamed that I was safe

But no one ever is

And no one ever was. 

Evil was crouching 

And waiting in the bush

Tensing the sinews

And drooling from the mouth. 

Pouncing, at just the right moment

And sinking teeth, into flesh

Ripping and tearing

To kill and eat.

Some wounds, you can see

But others, you cannot

But all, are just as real,

And just as deadly. 

My body survived,

But my spirit was crushed

Broken, splintered

And shattered on the sand. 

Deflated and limp

I was drug in the bush

Offered up to the scavengers

To devour

And defile. 

 

Now, I fight to stay awake

And sit upright in my chair

Remembering how it felt

To relax and rest my head.

Watching others 

And watching the world

Drifting off again and again

And wishing we were awake.   

 

The Shadow Box

Two thoughts  5/22/2015

One

Maybe you didn’t know

And maybe you haven’t heard

That another person was murdered

And nobody said a word. 

The day you cannot criticize

Is the day. the deed is done

As the untouchable swim in a circle

To eat us, 

One by one.

An army of locusts

Eats across the sand

Sucking up all the blood

In a plague upon man. 

While we argue over nothing

They continue down the path

Burning, beating and killing

Everything they can.

I was left with nothing

So I had to pay the price

Learning how to walk

And learning how to swim.

They broke my knees

But I still, stood up to stand

Knowing why

And knowing how. 

It is not enough to steal

Because they know it hurts

If you know

So they make sure you see, 

And they can show.

This is the day

And this is the dark

Where we find ourselves

Awake in a nightmare.  

Less than nothing

A double negative

Beneath three zeros

And there you have it

None of the above or neither.

This is a time of nothingness

As the dumb dogs snarl

Eating each other

In a kill chain

And fighting over the bones. 

Two 

But a good man

Should do what he can

Even here

And even now.   

I swallowed it down

And turned to what I had

Finding everything I treasured

And loving them anyway.

I glued my memories

In a shadow box

Sea shells and toys

Magnets and pins.

The little sentimental reminders

From a time before

Bits and pieces of time

Of varied meaning.

I cut my finger

While cleaning the glass

So I hid two droplets

Inside a hidden corner. 

A perfect seal

From imperfect hands

Carefully placed

In a box of dreams.

The best things in life

Are what we give away

The lesson my father taught me

In a full and rich season

Many years ago.

The Needy Bleeds

 The Needy Bleeds                 5/21/2015

In just one day

Or in a single hour

So much can change

As we all wait for something

Or anything at all.

We sit in chairs

And stand in lines

All of us waiting

For money or for food.

Beneath the all the details

There is the dichotomy

We live

And we die

Unwilling captives

On our way to the end. 

We chase the rabbit

Or lunge at the carrot

For the most part

Without question

Or thought. 

Reality hits hard 

But at different times

And in different ways

As either, we wake up

Or just roll over. 

I can stare at the ceiling

Or I can stare at the wall

Inanimate as a box

Dead or alive. 

We pull the lever

And get, what we want

But none of it, will feed the soul

And none of it

Will last. 

We don’t speak

And we don’t listen

So we never learn

And never grow. 

Wasting our time

Dancing in a circle

Hedging our bets

Manipulated and dumb.

Next to us

Is the killer

Unable to escape

A splintered psyche

And violent urges.

Joking one minute

And slashing the next

No more an man

Than a beast.

We eat, and we drink

We work, and we earn

Buying, and selling

Mere inches from hell.

Unaware

And unprepared

Victims of desires

We do not understand. 

We survive 

But never understand 

That all we had to do 

Was swallow our pride

And try something new.