A Dark Secret

Dark Secrets 7/18/2012

I have never been perfect
And I know where the bodies are buried
Because deep inside locked closets
Every man has bones.

I am not the man
That I could have been
But I am better
Than who I was.

Looking backwards
Time lengthens
And grows heavy
As I replay the tape
For the millionth time.

But the memories
Always end the same
And I always fall apart
Drowning in despair
Naked on the couch.

There are many things
That I do not know
And there are many mysteries
That remain
Hidden in the dark.

While we search through the possibilities
The truth disappears
Hiding in the shadows
Or buried in the sand.

I have tried to understand
But I guess I never will
About how I ended up here
Silent, wounded and dead.

There are times
When nothing is enough
And you are left hungry
Empty and angry.

When you have done your best
And stuck out your neck
Only to be cut off
And left bleeding on the ground.

When you have done the right thing
With an outstretched heart
Only to come home empty
Without love
And without a friend.

How does one make it
And how does one go on
When everyone you loved
And everything you depended on
Is torn away.

Leaving you to sit and watch
As they are dangled before you
Taunted every day
And harassed every night.

To see what you loved
Get smaller and smaller
And to watch the children grow
At a distance
Marginalized at every turn
And mocked every day.

To view them from a distance
Foreign and estranged
And remember all the lost time
That no man can retrieve.

Yes, I tried with all my heart
And I gave all I could give
But no matter how hard I tried
The damage was done
And I woke up too late

My life came unraveled
But not all in a day
Slowly fading from view
Until nothing remained.

It was hard to smile
And it was hard to stand
Standing there powerless
As the blood poured out
Between my fingers.

Somehow I have survived
In spite of the wounds
Living on the edge of survival
Without support
And without dreams.

In this world
Good does not always win
And sometimes even the worst
Obtain wealth and titles.

But even in those moments
God is at work
In the places we cannot see
Transforming our hearts
Into something greater
And something better.

And almost imperceptibly
Circumstances begin to change
Turning around into our favor
As we learn
And as we grow.

And although
It does not happen often
Everything falls into place
At just the right intersection
Of history and fate.

Preparing us for a future
That only God can see
As we pass through history
At just the right location
To either save the day
Or kill us all.

What can you say
And what can you do
Without giving in
And without giving up.

I couldn’t do what I wanted
And I couldn’t satisfy my anger
Not without losing
All that I had left.

Others do for themselves
Even when they promise
And even when they give
For no opportunity is ever wasted
To advance their cause
Or increase their wealth.

I have suffered
But others have suffered more
And what can I tell them
And what can I say.

Nothing but the truths
That only time to teach
And nothing but the promise
That only God can give.