Threading the Needle

Threading the Needle 6/29/2012

Each and every day
The world gets grayer
As free men lose their options,
Identity, and free will.

Herded like sheep
And separated in pens
Arbitrarily selected for favors
Or for servitude.

Prodded by punishment
And rewarded with food
Taught out to think
And trained what to do.

Weighed judged and rated
Without a mind of our own
And murdered when we are old
With nothing left to give.

The world turns upside down
As the tail wags the dog
And the feet
Outrun the brain.

Told what to do
And told what to feel
Conditioned to weep
And conditioned to eat.

We have given up our power
One paper at a time
Relinquishing our freedom
For the fools we elect.

Sold out for a song
And offered up as a sacrifice
Just to please the masses
That only serve themselves.

I am threading the needle
With words, thoughts and prayers
Sincerely remembered
And relentlessly pursued.

I am coming home
And nothing will stop me
Just like nothing ever did
Because they knew
And so did I.

Fear is a deep black hole
Cold, dead and frozen
Holding us back
Paralyzed and silent.

Keeping us docile
And keeping us in place
But deep down it just a bluff
And nothing but a joke
Lies, and more lies
All covered with smoke.

The battle has been raging
And I have been fighting forever
Waging war inside my head
Between the good and the bad.

But at the end of the day
I have to make a choice
Owning it fully
And swallowing it whole.

I am ten times the man
That I once was
Bigger than life
Fearless and determined.

And no longer does it matter
What anyone might think
Whether I am the loved
Or the hated.

They can call me what they want
And they can think what they will
Because I am more than certain
Of who I am
And what I believe.

For what in the world
Can man ever do
Sure as hell
Nothing worthy of dread
Or fear.

If you can live through the pain
And you can live through loss
What are words or money?
Nothing to fear, avoid or dread.

I have the scars to prove it
But I don’t care at all
Staring them down
With no time for excuses
Or apologies.

They can make speeches
And they can twist the facts
But we know what the truth is
And we know the reason why.

I have seen them before
Small minded, hateful and dumb
Always blaming someone else
And always looking to steal.

They can yell all they want
But their time is almost here
Because inside they are empty
Useless, worthless, dumb and dead.

They power will disappear
And they will be shut out
Hiding in the bushes
Hoping that no one sees.

Their time is coming
And nothing will stop it now
Approaching like a whirlwind
Churning up dirt, dust and man.

Lead Balloon

Lead Balloons 6/28/2012

These are the times
That defy explanation
As we listen to the proud
Speak, bark, and wail.

Their masks have fallen
And their hatred is apparent
Plain as day under the sun
For all the world to see.

They who have hated the good
Take advantage, any way they can
Through manipulation and threats
They have spent away our future.

This they have done
Not out kindness
Or concern for others
But simply to destroy
And to steal.

If you are offended
And if you are angry
Then rest assured
You are not the first
And you are not the last.

For these are the times of confusion
As evil expends all his bile
Spewing lies on top of lies
And threats on top of threats.

I too know what it feels like
To feel disgusted, embittered
Shocked and offended
But now is not the time to be angry
But rather a time to remember.

Evil is called good
And good called evil
But the last word
Is still yet to come
A long time coming
But full of fury.

Many have traded away their souls
And many have been threatened
Soulless, spineless, and defeated
Dumb as a stump
And dead as a door nail.

The good have been compromised
By evil and corruption
Cut off at the knees
And broken by the wheel.

But now is not the time for anger
But for contemplation
Because things must get worse
Before they ever get better.

Evil will be defeated
And the truth will be exposed
But not before many have suffered
And not before its time.

You might ask me
How it is that I know
Because of faith,
Experience, and knowledge
Knowing the end from the beginning
As it was written
And as it was said.

God is alive
And God also knows
The last and final word
Beyond mans
Fearful and stupid.

I am not afraid
And I will not be turned around
Unshakable
And undefeated.

Though others may hate us
And legislate our slavery
They too shall be undone
In nothing more than an hour.

They will be shamed
And they will be destroyed
With no chance of appeal
And no room to argue.

The loud and the ignorant
Will be silenced at last
Gnashing their teeth
And banished from sight.

No more to blame
And no more to hate
Hiding from God
And running away.

His eyes shall burn them through
And they shall disappear
Gone forever
Outside and alone.

Those who have suffered
Will be free
The chains of guilt falling away
To rust at their feet.

The violent thieves
And cruel usurpers
Shall cower and hide
But it will do no good
Convicted for their hatred
And punished for their pride.

Do not despair
That others have spent your future
And do not fear
That others pursue your life.

They are spending their power
With the fury of the times
Looting in the age of lawlessness
In every way they can.

But evil knows the time is short
And this is why he rages
Because even the demons know
That a reckoning is at hand.

God come swiftly
And shorten the days
That darkness and murder
Rule the world.

Come quickly and end the barbarity
As man attacks man
Spilling innocent blood
And laughing at their misery.

Bring down the usurpers
And bring down the proud
Condemning their hatred
And pouring out your wrath.

Yes these are the times of deception
But all good men should rejoice
For even though we suffer
And even some may die
We can know that the worse it gets
That victory is near.

Under Glass

Under Glass 6/27/2012


Nothing but a sheet of glass
Separates the living and the dead
An impermeable barrier
Transparent and cold.

The thinnest of membranes
Of chance and numbers
Separate us
From savage emotions.

Between forgiveness and murder
And love and indifference
There is always a chance
To Step back and think.

We are born into the world
And separated by bodies
Earth, clay, blood and bone
Here or there
By random chance.

We take our place
And play the parts
As either participants
Or bystanders.

Waiting and watching
For something to change
Something or anything
Just to know we are alive.

But most of us
Are quiet and docile
Seldom eager
To rock the boat
Or take a chance.

But in a pack
Men become animals
Devolving into rape
Violence and murder.

How many have looked away
And pretended not to see
As the innocent are drug out
Humiliated, beaten or killed.

What will the future bring
When the dogs multiply
Losing their fear of authority,
Punishment or shame.

A thin line of restraint
Is what keeps us safe
Thinner than we think
And melting in the sun.

It is no secret
When you open your eyes
That something is happening
Dark, dangerous,
And terrifying.

A time bomb is ticking
Underneath our feet
As the fires rage
And the flood waters rise.

Nothing is safe
and no one is immune
Not from the wounding
That comes from truth.

We live in glass houses
But we hide under the covers
Pretending no one can see
And will pass right by.

Breaking the glass
Can cut you
But silence will kill you
If not today
Then one day for sure.

Better it is make a mess
Than it is to hide
And wiser it is to act
Before it is too late.

There will always be time to build
And even the body will heal its wounds
But once the spirit is dead
The body means nothing at all.

Some men live in prisons
But some of us have a choice
To be either the dead
Or the lost.

The first of the dead lives
Fearless and free
So today I break the glass
And laugh at the blood.

Behind the Velvet Curtain

Behind the velvet curtain 6/26/2012

Did you see the news just now?
And did you watch the video?
Played and replayed
Over and over again
The end of the beginning
And the beginning of the end.

Nothing you can say
And nothing you can do
Nothing but stand in shock
And wish it would go away.

But this is not a dream
And nightmares happen in dreams
Because this is the harvest
We reap
From the crop
We have planted.

The rat inside our brains
Races in a wheel
Running against himself
And never moving an inch.

If one man can kill himself
Then so can the many
And if the many run away
Who will stand and fight?

Over and under
Through and around
In every crack
And every hole.

I have taken up a sword
And I shall not go quietly
Not without the truth
And not without a soul.

For I would rather go out standing
Than hiding under a bed
And I would rather be forgotten
Than be remembered a fraud.

We are what we choose
How big a mystery is that?
Nothing more and nothing less
Than the product of our actions.

There is no one to save us
And there is no one to blame
Nothing but a battle
That rages in our heads.

The philosophers can ponder
What it is
That we have lost
But historians will remember
What it was that we did.

Of all the chances in the world
One droplet fell on my head
Blood as water
And water as fire.

A spark has fallen
Turning from blood into glass
A red round glistening reminder
Hidden in my pocket
Everywhere I go.

And I will never be the same
But that’s ok with me
Because then I didn’t know
And then I didn’t care.

I was just sleep walking
Lost in a day dream
Drifting with the current
And sinking in the sand.

Thinking I knew it all
When I didn’t know a thing
Just a ripe and foolish man
Hanging low on the tree.

But I have been plucked
And I have been gutted
Left on the ground to rot
Dead among the leaves.

But in the ground
I have frozen
Through a long and cold winter
But now I have arisen
More alive than ever.

I have survived
And now I speak
Learning to walk
All over again.

But now I am new
And better than before
Living more fully
And loving more and more.



Just a Little Twinge 6/26/2012

I only felt a twinge
A small puncture
And a sting
Slipping in and out
In my back and in my heart.

Too late do we find out
Just how bad is the damage
As we stumble and fall
Bleeding to death.

With no one to help
And nowhere to run
As we stare at the blood
Pooling around our head.

The damage is done
And the mortal wounds bleed
As we look backwards in horror
To see what was done.

It is often a surprise
That the worst killers are close
Close enough to be trusted
And close enough to kill.

Remaining undetected
Until the last horrifying moment
When they decide to act
Taking all we have
By stabbing us in the back.

Not everyone gets the chance
To learn where they went wrong
Because most die in minutes
And never live for long.

But I have connected the dots
And I can see the reasons
As old as man
Jealousy, and pride.

I can see how
And I can see why
But the question remains
Not what we have seen
But what is coming
And what is here.

Who is the enemy
And where does he hide
Is he inside the gates
Or just in our heads?

Have we entrusted evil?
And have we left the door unlocked?
Letting in the wandering predators
Looking for something to steal
Or someone to murder.

No one knows the heart of man
And do we even know our friends?
Close enough to have our ear
And close enough to take our head.

Have we believed the lies
And have we followed the words
Of men without a past
Proof enough of dark motives
Hidden away
And disappearing fast.

Awaken the heart of truth
Because it is the heart that matters
More than what you hear
And more than what
We were told.

If you look
The mask will come off
And if you pull back the curtain
You will see the evil
Helping themselves
And hating others.

Buried Together

Dead and Buried 6/25/2012

Together we live
And together we will die
Joined by a silver cord
One soul to another.

Together we are buried
And together we rest
Sleeping in the dust
And dreaming we are awake.

Together we have struggled
And together we have suffered
Climbing up, falling down,
Just to stand and fight again.

We who know
Just what it feels like
To live and die
And to love and lose.

To be the same
Whether happy or sad
And to smile
With everything
Or with nothing.

But we are not connected
By where we are from
Or even how we look
Not by our name
And not by a place.

We have all made the choice
To fill the hole in our hearts
Accepting the love of God
Through faith and conscience.

It is this that has joined us
And transformed us
From the inside out
Each and everyone
A part of the same.

Now we are brothers
In the oldest family
Living through the footsteps
Of those who come before.

Joined in life
And joined in suffering
Paying the price
Once and for all.

But we who have died
Died with him
Giving it all up
To take it back again.

Together we have lost
And together we remember
Absolved of the past
And pardoned by the blood.

We have wept
For those we miss
But we are one in the same
In death
And in life.

As Christ has risen
So shall we
Forever together
And forever free.

Two for One

Liberty or Death 6/22/2012

Liberty or death is the question
That puts words to a feeling
That a life without freedom
Is not a life at all.

Because no one needs a committee
To tell us what to think
And no one has the right
To control the flow of information
To the innocent or uninformed.

The ability to defend the truth
And speak with passion
To take one’s own life
And express it in bold colors.

The shadow of the scimitar
Hangs over our heads
Not because we cannot stop it
But just because we won’t.

If there is anything I have learned
It is the crucial importance of courage
Because without courage
The truth can be forgotten
And bludgeoned to death.

A lie often repeated
Can take on the appearance of truth
And the defamation of the good
Can suppress all reason.

The writing is on the wall
Just as it always was
But the critical moment has arrived
And its time
To wake up and rise.

The worst beast you can imagine
Is already at our throats
Hidden behind a mask
That no one dares reveal.

Above criticism and protected by law
Evil slithers and coils
Right in front of our eyes
Cold, cruel and calculating
To take our freedoms
And take our life.

He is not interested in coexistence
And he is not interested in justice
But only in hatred
And only in murder.

The chains of servitude
And the entanglements of law
Are seldom broken
By resentment and whispers.

But much can be achieved
By the determined and persistent
Those people ready to sacrifice
Anything and everything.

The greatest good is fair
And pits not one against another
But rather allows him
To succeed or fail.

His ability and his character
The main determinants
Of how high he rises
And what he achieves.

Free will is the greatest gift
But with it comes responsibility
As we live not by instinct
But by the highest form of thought.

Learning from others
And testing the waters
Dreaming dreams
And imagining the future.

We are not alone
And this is not the first time
That darkness has threatened
But this is the turning point
By which we will be remembered
And judged.

The day will come
When the truth is revealed
But far better it is to know now
When all we can do
Is believe.


Blood Thirsty 6/22/2012

There is a good feeling
Of warmth and numbness
When you feel no pain
Doubt, or fear.

But like all things
The feeling fades
And you feel the crushing weight
Of harsh reality
Like a coiling snake
Constricting around your neck.

And all you want is to return
To the happy thoughts
You remember
Even if it is a lie
And even if it hurts.

I could feel my heart beat
Labored and aching
As I spun the wheels in my head
Just trying to make it
Through another oppressive day.

But no one can stay that way forever
Either drunk, wasted or high
Because in the end
We are eaten alive
Even though we never felt it
Or knew it at all.

I smashed everything I could
And I remember the moment
When I had everything in the world
But took it all for granted.

I stood on the patio
In a velvet jacket
With a bottle of gin
Smoking a cigarette
And cursing at the world.

I felt so alive
And I felt immortal
Because nothing ever hurt
No matter what I did
Or what I said.

I could do all
And I could be all
Conquering all
With the sheer force of will.

I threw down the bottle
And smashed it into pieces
Laughing at the crystals
Exploding in all directions.

Everything I said was witty
And everything I did was funny
Shaping my words into bullets
Filled with cynicism and derision.

But such is the folly of man
That we try and medicate ourselves
Instead of making the changes
That allows us inner peace.

But the pain is a beast
And self deception a destroyer
Pulling us backwards
Into a bottomless grave.

There is no easy answer
And there is no escape
Sooner or later
Everyone must deal
With the longing inside.

We are incomplete
And we are unfinished
Born with a hole
That only the spirit can fill.

Only then can we ever know
What it means to know
With a peace that passes all understanding
Even in the storm
And even in loss.

The demons have killed many
And how they would love
To take me there
But now I know
And Now I live.

Sole Survivor

Sole Survivor 6/21/2012

The world can change in just one day
Either for the better
Or for the worse
By just one thought, or action
In one specific crack in time.

At the intersection of time and location
All our lives come down to a point
Turning on circumstance and grace
Leading us far or near
To God or to man.

Words cannot describe
All that has happened
The bonds that I’ve made
And the loves I have lost.

The dizzying heights
And devastating lows
Spreading further and further
To places known and unknown.

It is the one thing you never prepared for
That cuts you in half
Leaving you doubled over
And bleeding on the floor.

Weakness brings us low
In ways we could not predict
As the bottom drops off
And everything is lost.

Some are haunted by addictions
And some ravaged by disease
Or cut off in a split second
By the smallest fraction
Of momentum and speed.

I could not have dreamed
That I would be writing these words
As surprising as a shot to the gut
Piercing through organ and flesh.

Coming to mind
In streams of thought
Or in bolts of electricity
Sudden and shocking.

Even family is a mystery
And some curses were meant to last
Passed down from generation to generation
Splitting us apart
One by one.

A phone call comes
And everything dies
Or an announcement is made
And our dreams are dashed.

I took my life for granted
And then watched it slip away
Leaving me without a friend
Or any hope at all.

I should have been crushed
But I am still standing
Humbled by loss
And straightened by want.

I am neither above
Nor below
But I am better than I was
A world apart
From the one I knew.

I am a survivor
Guarded and careful
But never quite as happy
And never half as safe.

I think there is a reason
But I do not know it yet
That I make this long journey
Up from humiliation and shame.

There is nothing more painful
Than to be passed over
And to be left hanging your head
Skipped for the proud, stupid,
Vain and foolish.

But if a man survives
Then one must wonder
For what and for why?
Does he live
While others more deserving
Roll over and die.

I am a mystery
And I am a riddle
A person ready to happen
And a man waiting to know.

Burned by the fire
And frozen in the snow
Loved enough to understand
And hated enough to know.

Raised in a different world
The one that is disappearing
Founded and seasoned
By individualism
And character.

Much was given
And much has been squandered
Like riches on the unwise
And freedom on the foolish.

It does not take long
To destroy the work of centuries
The fruit of labor wasted
To buy the loyalty of fools.

I may never find the answer
In this fallen world
But wisdom is found in the search
And not in absolutes.

Today we are here
And today we learn
But not just for now
And not just for us.

We live and we learn
But that doesn’t mean
We understand
And nothing will ever last
Without determination and courage.

Now I know
And now I understand
That the critical part
Is not my speed
But how I run
And how I pass the torch.

Thin Ice

Walking on Ice 6/19/2012

On the surface
All is calm
Nothing is spoken
And nothing is done.

Nothing changes
But everything rots
Making life harder and harder
Adding layer after layer
Of cold dead ideas.

Our hearts have thickened
Until we can’t feel a thing
Fumbling around in the dark
As we huddle together
Without feeling and without love.

I have asked
For the right words to come
To pour out and spread
Fueling the passions of chance
Like gasoline to fire.

I have asked
For something better than me
Something loud and clear
Whatever the spirit will give
Without reservation
And without fear.

Summoning the warrior poet
To awaken from the ashes
Where he waits
Slowly smoldering
To awaken and write.

Some people say
That the God is dead
And that the old truths are gone
But they don’t know
And they can’t see
Because they never have
And never will..

I can feel the power flowing
Out of my soul
And out my pores
Surging with my blood
Fluid, strong and certain.

We have been sold
And we have been forgotten
Hated and abandoned
By those sworn to protect us
Who always come and go
Safe and sound.

They have run away
And left us in the battle
Without support
Or ammunition.

Traded away cheaply
For temporary praise
And political victory
To preserve the status quo
At any cost.

Our children sentenced
To the ever shrinking fringes
Harassed and disenfranchised
Every day in every way.

We have rejected the gifts
And forgotten the cost
While we lay down in the pastures
Many have died.

A man should not harbor anger
And no man should burn with hate
But no man should be so cowardly
As to ignore the gathering storm.
And no man should be so foolish
As to die in vain.

Look down and see
The ice has started to crack
Breaking under the weight
Of apathy and greed.

We have broken our promise
And shirked our obligations
Grasping at luxuries
That we could not afford.

Selling our legacy
And selling out cheap
Anything for a few days of leisure
As the winds change
And the city burns.

At the cross roads of decision
And at the point of no return
Where men either rise
Or fall.

Nothing is forever
And these riches
Don’t mean a thing
All destined to disappear
Useless and wasted.

For what is life without meaning?
Nothing but food without flavor
An existence spent spinning in circles
Altogether wasted,
Fruitless, dumb, and dead.

There will always be pain
And there will always be loss
But that is the risk
That comes with breathing
And trying.

No greater thing
Shall I ever do
Than to boldly speak the truth
And there is nothing more heroic
Than sacrificing our reputation
For love and salvation.

I live and I love
And I shall get up again tomorrow
Not for me
But for those who come after.

You can hear the drums beating
And I can feel the battle coming
Grinning like a deaths head
In the sky.

But death no longer smiles
And hell itself
Lives in fear
Because no matter what happens
The good endure.

The Bewitching Hour

The Bewitching Hour 6/18/2012

Closer to me
And closer to you
The end of vanity
Welcome and blind.

Life changes
And still we strive
Confounding the realists
That we adapt,
And somehow survive.

It is times like these
That make you doubt
When everything is possible
But nothing works out.

Escaping our hands
As we grasp at the air
The tiny moments of clarity
Gone forever.

The field has been tilted
Higher and higher
But still we climb upwards
Clawing at the turf.

No system can long survive
The weight of ignorance
And nothing good can ever come
Without truth or God.

The dead cry out
For us to listen
But fools seldom hear
The words of wisdom
In the echoes of the past.

The savage lessons
Of violence and horror
Planted layer after layer
Beneath our feet.

Centuries of knowledge
Of conquest and darkness
As poisons were carried
From one place to the next.

Some spread light
And some spread death
Conquering with a sword
Any who opposed.

But it takes many
To overwhelm the good
And while the few slept
Many more were added.

Some enemies
Will storm the front door
Aiming straight at the heart
But the worst
Always come as friends
With a hand behind their back.

Armed with arguments
And manufactured guilt
The good are confused
And compromised.

Over time even the foolish
Should awaken
And smell the smoke
Listening to the still small voice
In the back of his mind.

Now that we are close
It isn’t hard to see
That the mask has come off
And everything is obvious.

Why is it so hard
To see the awful truth?
To feel the unquenchable hatred
Rising from the street.

Creeping into the institutions
And creeping into our hearts
The self loathing of the foolish
Used, abused and wasted.

We stand on the precipice
And here is where we remain
To either turn around and fight
Or just to wait and fall.

The past is littered
With the bones of the innocent
Slaughtered at the first opportunity
By envy, crime, or law.

Now that we know
It is time to live boldly
Time to rise up
With truth in our hearts.

In the blackness there is a fire
And in the fire burns the spirit
A power burning from within
Poured down from heaven.

The weight of time is heavy
And responsibility is hard
Like a rock around the neck
But either way
We carry on
Out of love
And out of devotion.

Words are easy
If they have no meaning
And promises are shallow
If the motive is evil.

But as for me
I will not go easy
No not easy at all
Because I shall keep my word
And my promise.

I have spoken the words
And I have forgiven the wounds
But there is much to be done
And much to amend.

Guard your heart
And whisper in the doorways
The time we have been waiting for
Is at the gates
And in the window.

The tables will be turned
And what is under
Will be exposed
With a slip of the tongue
All the secrets
Shall fall.

In the darkness
A light will shine
Exposing the ambitions
And bloody fingerprints.

The truth is at hand
If you can open up your eyes
But there is no cause for fear
Because victory is coming
Stronger than death
And overcoming the world.

Cold Mountain

Cold Mountain 6/15/2012

They can look me in the eye
If they have the guts
But I shall not give in
Not here
And not anymore.

I shall make no excuses
And no apologies
Not for who I am
And not for where
I have been.

There is no power greater
And there is no better argument
Than the truth
No matter how we like it
And no matter how we phrase it.

I am in you
And you are in me
Our blood mixed in the bone
And our souls merged
Back to zero.

This is the point
Of no return
The place where dead enders go
And the place where the living die.

They say the moon is dead
Lifeless, gray, and cold
But they have not seen the ghosts
On the inside
Of the darkside.

There is always more
Than what you see
And there is always a way out
Straight though
And in between.

I was born for this
And so also were you
To live through this time
Tortured, tested and tried.

To either rise above
Or sink below
To find the answer
Right before our eyes.

They say that its over
And they think they have won
But even in the darkest hour
The sun shines through.

I am not searching for validation
And there is no sense
In needy expectation
So I don't look, to receive
What I have given.

Many victories have been won
By the persistent and the aggressive
Wearing down the opposition
Until all resistence disappears.

But there is no greater victory
Than the sufferings of the righteous
Who remained loyal until the end
No matter what the cost.

Who were good in spite of the pain
And noble in loss
Never giving an inch
Though covered with shame.

This will hurt
And that is all
Anyone can tell
Until it is over
And we are done.

To be attacked and ridiculed
Is not the worst thing
We can suffer
For far greater it is
To die unto yourself.

Therefore welcome the loss
And embrace the insult
Accepting the labels
For whatever it is worth.

For only the good shall know
What it means to sacrifice
And only the worthy
Can be offered up.

There will always be heartache
And there will always be joy
But even the worst
Feels better with love.

If we fail the test
Then we will surely
Take it again
Until we have learned
To live it through.

There will never come a day
Without a nagging doubt
And there will never be a challenge
Without obstacles or setbacks.

To whom all this belongs
Is the one who makes the choice
To either stand up
Or fall down.

Learning to live
And learning to walk
Giving an accepting love
Every day of the year.

Pass the pipe
And take a swig
Because even this too shall pass
And dissolve into time.

Yes even the evil shall fall
And never be remembered
But the good shall live forever
In our hearts and in our minds.

God gave us life
And God gave us a choice
The easy part is accepting
And the hard part is to remember.

Take it from one
Who has tried it both ways
That it is easier to be good
Than to get what you want.

Because all the glory in the world
Is nothing in the end
Just a whisper in the wind
And just a grain of sand.

Lost in a heartbeat
And left without a trace
Abandoned in the storm
And forgotten by time.

The kind of love that conquers
May not be what you think
And may not be
Just as we want
But he who waits and prays
Shall reap the best of all.

Epicenter

Epicenter 6/14/2012

Sometimes fools start fires
And sometimes they survive
And sometimes they don’t
But I didn’t start this fire
Burning brightly in the sun.

But I am not the only one
Trapped in the blaze
Surrounded by flames
Spreading everywhere
And burning everything.

Engulfing you and engulfing me
As one thing leads to another
All from a tiny spark
Far away from here.

The consequences kill many
As death spreads like disease
Consuming everything
In thick black smoke.

But you can learn a lot from disaster
When the surface of normalcy
Is pierced and broken
When people get desperate
And run with a crowd.

And now is the time to look
Because now the truth is exposed
As everyone scurries around
To save, steal, or kill.

Trapped like animals
And backed up, in a corner
This is the time that matters
Revealing who we are.

Our self image
Now lies in tatters
And naked are we seen
And naked are we judged.

Caught in the act
And caught in the truth
The hidden and the secret
Revealed by the flames.

Ashes and embers
Is all that remains
Of the proud, and the mighty
The selfish, and the vain.

But not all men
Will burn the same
And not all men
Walk alone.

Next to you
And next to me
We are protected from the burn
Stronger than fire
And stronger than death.

Tested by tragedy
And purified by flame
Proved in the crucible
Shining brighter than the sun.

In me and in you
A greater thing
Than any can know
Saving us all
Acceptable forever.

A taste of the dark

An appetite for blood 6/13/2012

What if you could see something
That no one else had seen
And what if you could glimpse a truth
That you could scarcely believe.

What if you got a promise
And what if you got a gift
One of a kind and perfect
Unrequested and undeserved.

But all great things
Come at a price
And all great efforts
Come with great risk.

Derailed and thrown off course
By the smallest of mistakes
Where deceit and deception
Crawled through the cracks.

Exploiting every weakness
And throwing out every distraction
Anything to prevent
And anything to ruin.

Bringing low the good
Just to see if they will quit
And taking everything they love
Just to see if they will give in.

These are the times
When I feel like giving up
When I have reached out
And come home empty.

When I had asked and been denied
And when I have pleaded
And been ignored
Ridiculed, mocked, and forgotten
And cut down from behind.

You might ask yourself
Is this how it ends
As life comes undone
And snowballs out of control.

Growing larger and larger
As the stakes grow higher
And there is no way out
Without loss
Or without pain.

That is when you will know
Who it really is
That is your friend
And that is when you will learn
What it means to die to self.

Then the nights shall lengthen
And the days become a blur
As you struggle to find your feet
And learn to walk again.

Because it’s hard to live
Without anyone to help
And God knows it’s easier to fall
Than it ever is to rise.

At least not for the good
And not for the honest
Because some people get all the help
And others just get the debt.

We are born
With leeches on our neck
Sucking out our blood
Just as fast
As we can make it.

Taking everything
But producing nothing
Robbing our strength
And weakening our defenses.

The leeches are the violent
Who rule by manipulation
And threat
Filled with hatred and deceit
And corrupt to the core.

Without any moral constraints
They moan and complain
Getting anything the want
Through intimidation and threat.

But every man
Has a different fight
And only God can
Pay the price.

The bone is pointing
Directly at the cause
A cold and deadly prediction
Of the next axe to fall.

I have seen this before
And I am aiming dead center
All the way backwards to the beginning
And straight at the cause.

The reason I suffered
And the reason I lost
Separated from family
To suffer the pains of the present
With the ghosts of the past.

There is no need to prove
What you already know
And there is no need to argue.
If they can’t see the truth.

There is no need to fear death
And you can guess the reason why
But fear is something that they will learn
Forever hungry
And forever alone.

I am pointing my finger
At the dead hand of truth
Staring straight at the end
With my eyes burning through.

A Backwards Glance

A Backwards Glance 6/12/2012

Violence, horror,
Tragedy, and death
Are the things that happen
To other people
Distant, foreign
Strangely fascinating
And somehow routine.

We think we are careful
And think we are wise
Too smart to suffer
And too smart to die.

But tragedy comes to the good
As well as the bad
Catching us midstride
Halfway home.

And then we are speechless
Staring at the sky
Wondering what we did
And begging to know why.

Balling up our fists
And breaking down doors
Cursing at the sun
Cruel and cheerful.

Through accident, malice
Or an error of judgment
We are fine one moment
And devastated the next.

Facing the consequences
Of a cruel twist of fate
As we face the end
All alone, and weeping.

Yes there is evil in the world
And yes there is a price
But everyone pays
More than once or twice.

Someone suffers the loss
And someone endures the lash
Bearing down under the blows
Silent and stoic.

But there is no thank you
And there is no parade
No golden watch
And no tearful goodbyes.

No, not all go in glory
And many go unsung
Randomly selected
To drink from the cup
Standing up straight
To take it in the gut.

Another day has passed
And I am no longer surprised
That those I love suffer
And that I can't change a thing.

The world goes on
Just like it always has
But what does it matter
For those who are gone
Cut off and finished
For good or for bad.

I will never be that man again
The one who thought
That he was immune
Impervious to pain
Perfect and immortal.

It could be cancer
Or it could be a wreck
Drugs, divorce
Or a bullet in the neck.

So full of life
And so full of love
Crushed for the sins of others
To crumble into dust.

If you ever prayed in a hospital chapel
Then you know how it feels
Sitting in the waiting room
And grasping for hope.

No man is perfect
But all men have suffered
Praying for strength enough
To surive
And try again.

For another day
And for another chance
To be known
And understood
The best of who we are
Or ever hope to be.

Sandcastles

Sandcastles 6/11/2012

So this is the age
Of being who we are
And getting what we want
Anything, anyway
Just as long
As it never hurts.

Examining our feelings
And killing our conscience
Just to avoid the guilt
Even if others suffer
From here until the end.

We can bully our way in
But can never get away
Sitting in a mighty castle
Tall, strong, thick, and stout.

Built up block by block
Much better than the rest
But if founded on a feeling
Shifting and sinking
Every single day.

You can throw a great party
And double down if you like
Throwing caution to the wind
Just because of how you feel.

The age of reason has long ended
And wisdom was the first to die
Dead at the feet of feelings
When everything is too much trouble
And everyone a bore.

Because who needs respect
And who needs dignity
When the future is just an option
And the past is far away.

We ran away
When it got hard
And we hid in the dark
Where no one could see.

Taking all the treasure
And pretending we couldn't hear
The cries of the wounded
And the agony of the lonely.

How many were left behind?
On our trips to and fro
Littering our past
And frozen forever
Like bodies in the snow.

Because it is easier to step over
Than it is to stop
And nothing gratifies the ego
Like comfort and praise.

That elusive feeling
Free of moral constraints
When we toss off
All our obligations
And run upon the shore.

Loyalty becomes abstract
And love becomes absurd
Because we only love ourselves
And leave all reason behind.

Some search for enlightenment
And some ponder philosophy
But who can ever learn the truth
If he floats on the wind?

Riding on the current
Will never help a soul
As we slam against one thing
And then another.

Who can depend upon the feelings
Of the foolish?
Scattered to the wind
And nowhere to be found.

Riding high for a moment
And then crushed into nothingness
Victim of the vicissitudes
Of nature and man.

If not for the few
Who sink in their feet
Deep enough to weather the storm
Firmly planted and strong.

Though they may be beaten
And though they may be bloody
Have saved us all
Many a time
And many a place.

Some may live
And some may die
But who would you rather love?
When the rains come
And the wind picks up.

Life plays with my emotions
But I am not here to gamble
Cutting cards with the reaper
For a few dollars more.

Go ahead and pretend
And go ahead and fly
Because I have seen enough
And I know the reasons why.

All is said and all is done
And it is nothing but a joke
Nothing but a diversion and a fantasy
Gone in an instant
Like a puff of smoke.

I’ll be here
Just where I belong
With my feet on the rock
Letting my heart remain
Growing larger and stronger
With every single storm.

Though the waves may come
And wash away our plans
My love for you remains
Tumbling over and over
In the tiny grains of sand
Rising and falling
Eternal and true.

When I close my eyes

When I close my eyes 6/8/2012

What’s done is done
And like so many things
There is nothing you can do
Nothing but get up
And bail more water.

Falling down is easy
But climbing up is hard
Digging yourself out
One shovelful at a time.

Sorry is just a word
And it can’t change the past
But even words
Are better than nothing.

I am waiting
And I am bailing
Desperately trying to save myself
And those I love.

Some people ask for help
And some people beg for more
But everyone needs something
Whether you know it, or not.

I picked out some people
Out my past
And out of my life
And I pray for them every day
Even though I cannot tell them
And probably never will.

There is nothing wrong with asking
And that is all that I do
Because all the rest is up to God
All the possible destinies
And all the possible plans.

I ask that the dull skin
Falls off of their eyes
So that they would truly know
And see the truth.

But like all gifts
Truth must be accepted
Taken into the heart
And understood.

The choice is theirs to make
At each and every intersection
Whether to turn right or left
Or just keep on going.

And mine is but to ask
That the picture be clear
The case for Christ
Just as plain as the sun
Before their eyes and ears.

Every day the offer is new
And every day we are absolved
With the beginning and the end
Both a passage
And a sign.

We all make mistakes
And sometimes
Doors close forever
But there is nothing stronger than love
And nothing stronger than God.

I take off the burdens
And the heavy chains of regret
Because killing myself
Will never change a thing.

You can say anything you want
But guilt will always find you
Coming back like a boomerang
To cut you in half.

I am not the only one
Who has wasted his time
But there is no wound
That cannot be healed
By forgiving others
And forgiving ourselves.

I have no reason
For false hope
And there is nothing so foolish
As fishing for praise.

It doesn’t matter what happens
And it doesn’t matter If I know
Because I ask for something better
And much more lasting.

Nothing short of everything
And nothing short of love
To commiserate together
Forever and free.

Cubicle 69

Cubicle 69 6/7/2012

There are eyes in our head
And there are eyes in the sky
Everything recorded
But nothing understood.

Everything has a number
And every number has a place
Measured, labeled, and categorized
On a spreadsheet or on a graph
Geometric and souless.

My name is a number
And my number is my grade
Arbitrarily evaluated
Judged, measured, and weighed.

In a tall steel tube
All covered with glass
Used, wasted and angry
In a dull gray cube.

Here the dead live
And here the dead walk
Mindlessly going through the motions
For a pay check
And a promise.

Clawing at each other
For scraps of rotten flesh
Periodically tossed out
At always the same time.

Many have come
And many have gone
But here I remain
Still trying
And still paying.

The clouds pass over
But the view never changes
As one day fades
And they all run together.

I dream and plan
And I think and write
All in a row
And all in a line
Still holding my own
In cubicle sixty nine.

Living is a state of mind
But many are those
Who live
Dead in the heart
And dead in the head.

They may think I am good
Or they may think I am sick
But I still keep on going
Pouring out the words
And feeling fine.

I work in a building
In suite number thirty six
Here for life
And watching the time
More alive than ever
In cubicle sixty nine.

Maybe you’re on top
Or maybe on the bottom
Flipped over or lopsided
But its not about your place
But rather who you are
And what you do.

Rush Hour

Rush Hour 6/6/2012


The young lions are silent
Toothless and wounded
While we hide under our bed
With the wolf at the door.

Scared to death
And unwilling to change
As we cling to the same mistakes
We have always made before.

Wasting our time
And wasting our breath
With too much to prove
And not enough to do.

Why would anyone want
What was never theirs
And who would ever believe
That even fools could be so foolish.
And the lucky so wasteful.

We stand around
And watch the world
Slowly rotate and sink
Spiraling downward
And flowing out the drain.

Never once questioning
All that we could do
With our hands in our pockets
And our heads in the sand.

As long as we get paid
We don’t ever question
And as long as we survive
We pretend it’s all ok.

Aggrandizing ourselves
And always looking for praise
Self absorbed
Deaf and dumb.

Never once considering
The cost of petty emotions
And the terrible price
Of tyranny and greed.

Humility is the greatest thing
That any man can possess
An indispensable characteristic
Of the good
And the wise.

Because who needs praise
And who needs credit
When you do what is right
And what is fair.

Because the truth is the truth
No matter what we may think
And the truth trumps all
Before, now and after.

Today is another day
And the greatest of honors
Is our presence
And our attention.

The one thing
Upon which everything hinges
The love we give
And the life we share.

A priceless treasure
Easily given
The beautiful moments
That will last forever.

Smoke Signal

Smoke Signals 6/5/2012

We might ask ourselves
In the middle of the night
Is this all there is?
And can it ever be enough?

Just another day
Sinking where we stand
Wasting away the hours
Slowly crawling
Like a snail on a razor.

Blood and water
Flesh and bone
As simple as mud
Without a heart
Or a soul.

I am not the same man
That I used to be
And I will never be the same
The old washed away
And forgotten.

My mistakes replay
Over and over again
Still paying royalties
In loneliness and pain.

But even the hardest lessons
Can work out for our good
When we learn from the past
And take another turn.

Then and only then
Does the distance crumble
And the pain diminish
As we slowly get up
To rise and fight again.

Today is the beginning
Of another long battle
As the first shots echo
And the smoke rises.

Off in the distance
Others gather and watch
Hesitant to decide
And hedging their bets.

But hell is full
Of the weak and indecisive
Always waiting for a perfect moment
The one that never comes.

Fearful for their livelihood
And afraid of ridicule
Keeping their mouths shut
On their way to the end.

But today the mortgage is due
And today we must decide
Either to jump the fence
Or follow the herd.

Count me out
Because I have made my choice
And I will not die easy
Or quiet.

I will not hold back
And I will not be distracted
Heading straight for the problem
Without regret or doubt.

Holding up the banner
And charging through the field
Straight into the enemy
No matter what the cost.

Because even death
Is better than tyranny
And even sweet oblivion
Is better than silence.

Fire until the barrels melt
And remember from where you came
True enough to fill the gap
And full of firery passion.

Because even the famous
Must die alone
And even the powerful
Can’t defeat time.

All dust and bones
And all scattered to the winds
Longer dead than alive
Meaningless and forgotten.

But larger than life
Shall remain the courageous
The loyal
And the true.

Because even if abused
And even if denied
God remembers
And heals.

I’ll see them then
And they shall see me
After all this is past
And wasted away.

In ten thousand years
We will still have forever
Greater than what we were
And far better
Than what we are.

For Patrick

For Patrick 6/1/2012


Sometimes you get what you want
And sometimes you don’t
But man only knows in part
And only God knows it all.

I never dreamed
That life could be so hard
Bad things happened to other people
And I myself
Was immune.

And I never knew
Just how pointless life could be
As I spun my wheels
Running in place
Wasting months, years, and decades.

We always think
That life will get better
But that is only half the truth
As all our work crumbles
With one single mistake
On one single day.

But when you lose everything
And still hold up your head
Then you know
And begin to realize
That life goes on.

But even in the midst of tragedy
There can be unexpected blessings and joy
Opportunities to grow
Laugh and love.

I never planned for Patrick
But some of the best things in life
Are blessings we never expected
Or even knew we needed.

The heart grows with use
And our capacity to love
Will never be reached
Because there is always room for more
And there is always hope.

He has come into my life
Unexpected and unrequested
Like a blazing meteor across the sky
Bright, beautiful, and loving.

His smile melts my heart
And for him
I would give up my life
A pure and perfect opportunity
To leave the world
A better place.

He came to me
In the middle
Of a long dark night of the soul
An incredible gift
Unrequested and undeserved.

A new life
And a new family
A new beginning
At half past midnight.

He has joined the family
And he has joined my life
A new child
That just like the rest,
That I will always love the first
And I will always love the most.