Now and Then

Now and Then 12/13/2011

Turning over inside of myself
The thoughts form and dissipate
Coming as if from memory
Already lived
But forgotten.

Ideas are like projectiles
That pierce reality
Like a diamond bullet
Exploding in all directions.

Shattered glass glistens in the street
And forms a bloody mosaic
Reflecting the flames in different directions
Another sign of things to come.

Time is a mystery
That is already solved
But that is another secret
That we can only guess.

We are like the fattened calves
Or a happy pig
Burying our snouts
In search of more.

But the choice is ours
To remain or to grow
But growth cannot come without pain
And loss.

Our dreams make us different
And love makes us sacrifice
Loving others more than ourselves
And dying every day.

The sense of self dies hard
And comes back to life
All the time
Rising up in resentment
And self pity.

I have loved enough to suffer
As most men will
Hanging myself out to dry
Overcoming the loss
To give up and die.

If others also love
Then they too must sacrifice
Giving up perfection
For just another day.

I had to give up
And I had to hold back
Giving myself away
To suffer and lose.

Others give as well
Some for love
And some for money
But it is the heart that matters
And the reason matters the most.

There is no secret hidden
That God does not know
And there is no false reasoning
That he will not expose.

Tough days are ahead
When all we revered
Will be destroyed
Torn down and mocked.

In a thousand million pieces
The work of many is wasted
Strewn across a landscape
That only hell could imagine.

But if that should happen
Then what are we to do
But the answer is as simple
To remain standing
And just keep going.

Love is all around us
So there is no need to search
Just as my son makes me smile
As I hold him in my arms
His smile melting my heart
After another thankless day.

I have prayed and prayed
And still I keep on going
Because I have made my choice
Choosing to live
And choosing to love.