The Crushing Machine and The Doldrums

The Crushing Machine 12/14/2011

Scream it out loud
And never hold it back
Because nothing is ever enough
And I am sick of trying.

Fueled by alcohol
And without restraint
I’ll let out the beast
That doesn’t care how it looks
Or what anyone might think.

Words are not enough
Because I feel like destroying
Smashing out all the windows
And breaking down the walls.

To grab what can be used
And break it to pieces
Tearing down all we made
And burning what is left.

The world is built up
But it needs to be made over
So we might as well
Start from scratch
And wash away the ashes.

Nothing is ever perfect
And nothing is ever pure
Everything and everyone
Contaminated and dead.

Everything compromised
And everything qualified
Limited by rules
And hamstrung by regulations.

People become numbers
That we stuff into categories
Rated, ranked and labeled
Their worth doled out
In shallow benefits and quotas.

Less free and more controlled
And afraid to speak the truth
Dumbed down to the point of extinction
While everyone looks the other way.

We are born in the world
Imperfectly perfect
In an accidental lottery of DNA
Against all odds.

But nothing is more beautiful
As imperfect art
The imprecise shading
And subtle blending of colors.

The mark of God is in the details
In our immeasurable capacity for love
An uncontainable spirit
Both pure and perfect.

We are here for a reason
And naturally we hate the fake
The pretended meanings
And heavy handed lies.

It is time to create boldly
And it’s time to tell the truth
Living fearless
Authentic and true.

To be ourselves
Without apology
Suffering not the judgment of others
Unabashedly one of a kind.


The Doldrums 12/14/2011

Listen love
And open up your heart
Lifting it up
Without regret or doubt.

Remember the days
We once had
But not the ugly
And not the end.

Remember me
The best part of me
The part that still burns
And cannot die.

The star crossed lovers of destiny
Brought together across time
Connected at the soul
And filled with the spirit.

I loved you
More than my own life
Thinking that I was so lucky
With dreams for the future
And a spark in my eye.

But I was living in my emotions
And carelessly selfish
Spoiled by good fortune
And ripe for a fall.

Ever bored and disappointed
I never held back my feelings
Never listening for the subtle
Still voice of love.

I wanted to make everything perfect
And I let the smallest of nusciances
Ruin our times
By the judgments I made
And the look on my face.

I could not appreciate
The treasure I had
And I did not know
For what I had asked.

Something happened
A horrible creeping grief
And I’ll never be the same
And never feel as safe.

Losing you brought me low
Lower than you can imagine
Free falling out into nothingness
Without anywhere to turn.

That I held back
And that I held on
Is but, by the grace of God
Given as a gift
And not earned.

I am tossed out
And so far fallen
A unwelcome reminder
Of the past
Haunting the present.

Still I love you
Even though I should forget
Still loyal
Though I die.

It is you
Who let me know
And it is you
Who caused the inspiration.

Together we made something greater
But we lost before it was completed
A work unfinished
Unexplored and unknown.

There is no victory without loss
And no honor without suffering
And I was offered up
Blemishes and all.

I go on
But for me the colors are muted
As my focus has changed
And my dreams withered.

I live and I love
But not as freely
And not as pure
Never again to see in this world
The same youthful hope
Or the same false safety.

Never again to feel
The peace I didn’t appreciate
Or rest self assured
But instead to wander forever
All alone
In crowded rooms.

Somehow I know
That you will know me
The part that had only started to grow
The fullest manifestation
Of who I was meant to be.

Long after the inevitable end
When every injury is healed
And all forgiven
Just as it was written
And like we always knew.