Shipwrecked

Shipwrecked 12/30/2011

I want to sail around the island
In big lazy circles
Watching the sun sink
In a beautiful orange glow.

Closing my eyes
As I doze on the deck
Feeling the ebb and flow
And listening to the surf.

A rum in my hand
And you by my side
Just smiling
With fire in your eyes.

I want to remember our first kiss
Full of anticipation
When everything was ahead of us
And nothing but happiness behind.

If I could make the world over again
What would I do
Perhaps look for love a lot less
And give a lot more.

Not looking backwards
Through the clear, but impenetrable glass
And worrying about the future less
As foggy as the blue ridge.

It is hard to forget
And easy to remember
All the missed simple chances
For a happy peaceful ending.

It is not mine to know
Where this dream shall end
Or what I am supposed to think
But more simply
It is just to live
And appreciate each golden nuance.

Something’s are so perfect
That they defy description
Mere words falling short
Of the beautiful and sublime.

The more that we taste
The more that we want
And living makes me want to live
And suffering makes
Me want to die.

Some dreams have a way of coming true
But so do also the nightmares
And we never seem to wake up
Or ever recover.

The anticipation is gone
And there are few surprises
When it feels like you have lived
A thousand separate lives.

They say you can never go back
And they are right about that
But here’s to the future
As murky as the depths.

May we see more sunsets
And drown in each other’s eyes
Once more where we belong
With the world right side up.

Another year will end
And we have circled once again
All the way around the sun
Cycling into another age
Another time
And another chance.

Nothing is forever
In this world
And that is a good thing
Because even all this heartache shall end
And leave us remembering only the good
And the beautiful.

The good shall live
And evil shall die
Sinking to the bottom
And lost forever.

Hand and Chisel

Hand and Chisel 12/29/2011

A block of marble cannot breathe
And cannot make mistakes
Soulless and dead
Smooth and cold.

The sculptor can chisel
What his mind can imagine
Gouging out a man
From a lifeless lump of rock.

God has made us better
And God has watched us grow
Speaking in our ears
And walking in our midst.

We are born without clothes
And we are knitted in the dark
Each cell and DNA with its own purpose
And its own instructions
Written in sequence
And written in code.

At that moment
All things are possible
As perfect as we will ever be
Innocent and sweet.

Damaged by others
Before we ever knew
Abusing themselves
And debilitating the defenseless.

We emerge as clay
In a world that is dying
Cursed and infected
From the inside out.

Our minds are attacked
By thoughts and doubts
Lulled to sleep
And distracted by greed.

Pulled by a manufactured gravity
Into the ceaseless pursuits
Far from our purpose
And far from the truth.

With no time to question
And little power to change
Controlled by committees
We never see or know.

An inhuman dream
Wastes and diminishes the good
Holding them back
Unheard and unseen.

Brainwashed by lies
Told over and over again
We doubt what we see
And question what we know.

All eyes kept on the surface
We are told we are safe
While the young are indoctrinated
That we never lived at all.

Chipped away by the chisel
And reduced to who we are
Either hardened for truth
Or ripe for the fall.

Let the rotten fruit rot
And let them fall to the ground
Unfit for food
Dead and dying.

He has made us strong
And he has given us the truth
But never does he force
What we should receive.

The greatest of artists
Has fashioned us his own
Holding out his hands
For us to take and hold.

We are here
The greatest of creation
Either for glory
Or for shame.

Ours is the choice
To accept or deny
To shake the world
Or die in silence.

We have the heart
And we have the soul
To create and inspire
But greatest of treasures
Comes from the spark
That only God can bestow.

The Searchlight

The Searchlight 12/27/2011

Time can twist you into knots
Over and under
And backwards again
Bringing us back together
Even when we thought
That all was lost.

But this time
It is different
And I can finally breathe
Unafraid to be myself
And without expectation.

Seldom do we give
Without wanting something back
Always looking for a reward
Or praise.

These feelings die hard
But they are no more than that
Just the death pangs of the self
That keeps wanting more.

Killing it off wasn’t easy
And still I feel it rising up
Always looking to recreate
Whatever good I had.

I wanted to receive
So I gave with secret conditions
Always looking for a response
Just to make myself
Feel loved.

But blessings are just that
Blessings that fall from heaven
Just when you need them the most
Unexpected and miraculous.

They come like a message
Unexplained but true
Piercing the fog
To stare us in the face.

A unexpected bolt of lightening
Illuminating the truth
Unmistakable
And undeniable.

What are we to do
With such knowledge?
That is the question
Because to hide it
Is to deny it.

The day I stopped wanting
Was the day I finally lived
At peace and at rest
With everything I need.

The harvest is here
And it comes for everyone
To each as he has sown
In our ignorance
And in our knowledge.

The shocking realization
That no one can hide
The unexpected horror
On the holiest of days.

Another picture takes its place
And another life, frozen in time
Portraits in a gruesome gallery
Because they tried to run away.

The truth is there
For those with eyes
Even though they try to hide it
And explain it all away.

Across the world
There is fear and terror
Just like they always wanted
And while we burn
The emperor plays.

Face the truth
And face the good
Giving without expectation
And speaking without fear.

Nothing is forever
Not here and not now
Dissolving away to the simplest parts
Into mud, dust and dirt.

On the other side
Rests the spirit
Unseen and unacknowledged
But nonetheless real.

And there is nothing as beautiful
And nothing as wonderful
Than to know
And understand.

If one thing leads to another
Then let it lead to this
That no matter what shall happen
We will always come home.

Undeserved

Undeserved 12/23/2011

Some gifts are given
Underserved and unrequested
And we hold them in our hands
Like a treasure
Too perfect to open.

Beautifully wrapped
In gleaming gold and silver
The unexpected glory
We never wanted
Or knew we needed.

I never dreamed
That I could write
Because whenever I tried
I had to force out the phrases
Awkward and painful.

Nothing seemed to express the feelings
That were stored up in memory
Or inspire any thought
Painfully coughed up
Sharp and jagged.

But something’s just happen
And there is nothing we can do
Either for the better or for the worse
Unexpected blessings
or random horror.

The best gifts
Have a way of expanding outwards
And becoming greater with use
Getting better with time
And more treasured than ever.

Best if used
And spoiled if kept
Useless locked away
And withered with age.

Today we are here
And that’s more than enough
Because love multiplies
And the more that we give
The more we have.

There is a peace in knowing
That we are accepted and known
Even with our faults
And even with our flaws.

We are here for a reason
And it is a miracle to know
So I shall ask for words
And let them go.

I don’t know where they will lead
Until I have typed them
And I don’t pretend to be a great poet
But rather I pray
And ask for more.

Today I let them go again
Like a prayer
Written on a balloon
As I walk outside
And let it rise.

If you should find this
Then just smile
Because even though
Life is hard
Others understand.

We live and we lose
And we long for something more
Something we already have
But don’t always see.

We all have hearts
And we all have a soul
The gifts ready for the asking
If we would only receive.

Here is mine
As humble as it is
To whoever may have it
And that’s enough for me.

Dark Matter

Dark Matter 12/22/2011

The sky is full of stars
And the beach is full of sand
Each one different
And each one the same.

From the stuff of impossibility
We are made whole
And from invisible parts
We shall defeat death.

Sometimes even the good
Wish with all their heart
And come up empty
Staring at the sky.

I cried out in agony
And prayed with all my might
Trying to hold together
What could never be saved.

But it’s hard to say
If it’s for the worst or the best
Because you can’t see the future
When you are stuck in the past.

The world has a weight
That gets heavier at times
And you want to give up
And crawl into a hole.

To pull up a cover of darkness
And hide inside of ourselves
Never emerging to see
And never bothering to know.

But to truly live
Increases the chance of pain
And devastating loss
And to try again
Risks the same.

I asked for something
And opened up my heart
But even the greatest blessings
Comes with great responsibility
And sacrifice.

To go where our decisions take us
And pay the price
If need be dying
In the name
And in the blood.

It is easy to say
And it is whimsy to think
But it takes honor to live
And courage to love.

But either way
To be here at all
Is something to remember
And contemplate.

That against every conceivable chance
And insurmountable odds
We have met
And know for sure.

The Suicide Box

The Suicide Box 12/21/2012

Every day is Russian roulette
A suicidal gun watch
And a game of desperation and death
Just for someone else’s pleasure
Equally dumb and dead.

Some try and show their courage
And others palm the last bullet
But the truth is in the chamber
And the end is death.

So much for the wisdom
And the values of the damned
Ending in a symphony
Of cries and explosions.

What would we do
If we arrived at the end
A dead ender without hope
And hunted everywhere.

With nothing to cling to
And nowhere to run
Like a fish with a hook in its mouth
Reeled in and filleted.

So much for the good times
When all options are exhausted
And someone has to pay the price
And spread out on the floor.

The dreamers cannot answer
If you are the one
Except to look the other way
While you gasp for air.

We start out beautiful
But the world beats us down
The way of the things we know
And the result of what we do.

Everything measured and weighed
Merciless and cold
Pigeon holed by circumstances
And crushed by random events.

We run away at full tilt
But always come back for more
Because there is no escape
Without living or dying.

Join me on the watch
Or join me at the end
The same lesson we should have learned
A thousand years before.


Strangers 12/21/2011

It is a strange feeling
To see and to live
To remember the good
And to suppress the bad.

Marking time and passages
From one birthday or another
Neglecting to see
The march of time.

Inevitably we encounter
The extremes of man
The incredible kindness of strangers
And the callousness of the loved.

The strange and random courage
And the all too familiar
Silent complicity
All intermingled
In the tangled mess of life.

We live through our days
And seldom check our emotions
Reacting instead of choosing
And sidestepping into disaster.

If only we knew
And if only we could decide
Seeing the soul of men
All around us.

Today I received kindness
But only God knows tomorrow
But it is not mine to know
But just to love.

Buried

Buried 12/20/2011


When I had everything
I always wanted more
And now that I have lost
I don’t care at all.

In an iron coffin
We shall rest
Chilled to the bone
And stiff as a board
Twice as useless
Empty and dead.

But so are the foolish
Who crowd together in a herd
Running faster and faster
Straight off a cliff.

They woke up early
Filled with ambition
But no matter what they do
Or even where they go
Now they are gone
And nobody cares.

It does not mean
That I give up
Because I have seen this before
And still I write.

But it does offer a choice
The biggest one of all
Because the heart is a muscle
That gets stronger with use.

When broken it fuses back together
And when torn
You slowly sew it back
Growing stronger at seam
Than it ever was before.

A choice greater than comfort
And a dream larger than greed
Different than the false pride
Or the vanity of the weak.

To choose a life
And to choose a love
Not just to escape
But the kind that embraces life.

That is what I want
To embrace this life
To live it fully
Even if it hurts.

Many are those
Who have known the truth
But have slunk away
And covered their heads.

Just to avoid inconvenience
Or numb the pain
The kind that comes
When we stretch our soul.

Like a rush of water
That feels cold at first
But as we acclimate
Feels cleansing and warm.

We fear inconvenience
And we fear disappointment
So we avoid obligations
That might tie us down.

If I am buried
Then I don’t care
But here and now
I have to choose.

You can hear the heart
But you can’t know my thoughts
Arcing and flowing
Inside of my soul.

That I choose to love
Even though I have lost
And that I choose to live
When I feel like giving up.

The end comes either way
And we leave as we came
Delivered naked
And handwashed clean.

A new world
And a new chance
Learning all over again
But this time for real.

The beat of the heart
Goes on
But the choices we made
Determine the prize.

The Dove and the Raven

The Dove and the Raven 12/19/2011

Run, run as fast as you can
Because something is coming
And catching up fast
Lashing at our heels
And breathing down our necks.

The lid is coming off
And where the hell are you?
Time to make a choice
Or run until you’re through.

A long time coming
And bigger than we dreamed
Because all hands are about to show
And the truth
Makes all the difference.

There has been much hidden
Underneath the table
Where no one can see
But it is about to be tipped over
And everyone will run.

They will hide
And make excuses
Because they have lied before
And got away free.

But something has been changing
Imperceptible but real
Beneath the surface
In the mind’s eye
Of the spirit
The truth known, and recognized.

Yes, the stakes are higher
And yes, our eyes can see
The used and betrayed awakened
Roused by the pain
Of unanswered blows.

The giant is angry
And soon he shall strike
Swiping them all away
And tearing them to pieces.

The whole rotten joke
Is about to fall apart
And come down around our heads
Because we let the tail wag the dog
And worshiped at the worm.

The legs will no longer stand
And the platform has burned away
Because ashes cannot bear weight
Of the many
On the few.

If trees grew from liberty
It is blood that fed them
And blood they shall have
Because we have run
And hidden in the caves.

We stand and watch
Burning men of straw
As the snake slithers
In and out of sight.

The saboteurs have arrived
And do whatever they want
Without fear of reprisal
And much less of truth.

Hear the lamentations
And see all the ruin
Everywhere and everything
Burning brightly in the sun.

Run, run as fast as you can
Because you know the end is coming
A bigger change than we have seen
Bringing all our houses down.

The dove brings down the fire
And the raven speaks of doom
Leaving their trails across the sky
In seach of men.

They have picked and spoken
And the words are in my ears
As I run to my hiding place
And wait for things to come.

Run, run as fast as you can
Because the bill is due
Time to try and make an escape
Before the killing is through.

Its three minutes past midnight
If anyone can understand the clue
Just enough time to run away
And hide among the tombs.

The Inner Frontier

The Last frontier 12/15/2011

Like an Indian trading land
For a few glass beads
The good have been sold out
And wasted along the way.

The good have turned off their brains
And live on cruise control
Gliding down the road
That someone else has mapped.

They have put on masks
And pretend they are someone else
Taking on their opinions
And their habits.

Sleepwalking through life
Bought and sold cheaply
Dropping their heads into the trough
That someone else has fed them.

Mindlessly they parrot
The tired ideas of others
Safe as toast and cereal
And twice as dead.

Spiritless and soulless
And as bland as they come
A beige on beige world
Without beauty or passion.

Clinging to the edges of safety
They seek acceptance
Taking the safest route
That leads unto death.

I hate to see it
But it is the truth
That they have listened to man
And ignored the voice of God.

Never venturing out
Into the deep waters
And never questioning themselves
Giving in to petty jealousies
And foolish pride.

It is all for show
And it is all fake
A cheap plastic coating
And an otherwise wasted life.

Inside they are empty
Because they have ran away
Running from reality
To avoid all the pain.

Seeking false safety in others
And socially acceptable pursuits
Taking their cues from the bankrupt
And all their planned rebellions.

They love to make fun of others
But only the safest of targets
Far from the sacred cows
Eating all the food.

Others have spoken
But not many have heard
Preferring to avoid all pain
No matter the cost.

I have poured out my heart
And let it spill across space
Bleeding out in all directions
For unknown consequences.

It is here in the words
But the words are not my own
Nothing but messages
Transmitted by a receiver.

The true path is difficult
And it requires a conscious choice
A hard road to walk
But headed in the right direction.

Other have blazed the path
And cut through the thorns
Bleeding themselves dry
And sacrificing their lives.

It is but a small loss
To give up childish retreat
And head into glory
In a risk of faith.

To live this life fully
The make it to the end
Having run the race with honor
If not just for comfort.

The doubters and the mockers
Shall thrash in the shallows
Leading the idle into nothingness
And buried underground.

But for those who seek a treasure
That shall last forever
Let him hear
And let him walk.

The Crushing Machine and The Doldrums

The Crushing Machine 12/14/2011

Scream it out loud
And never hold it back
Because nothing is ever enough
And I am sick of trying.

Fueled by alcohol
And without restraint
I’ll let out the beast
That doesn’t care how it looks
Or what anyone might think.

Words are not enough
Because I feel like destroying
Smashing out all the windows
And breaking down the walls.

To grab what can be used
And break it to pieces
Tearing down all we made
And burning what is left.

The world is built up
But it needs to be made over
So we might as well
Start from scratch
And wash away the ashes.

Nothing is ever perfect
And nothing is ever pure
Everything and everyone
Contaminated and dead.

Everything compromised
And everything qualified
Limited by rules
And hamstrung by regulations.

People become numbers
That we stuff into categories
Rated, ranked and labeled
Their worth doled out
In shallow benefits and quotas.

Less free and more controlled
And afraid to speak the truth
Dumbed down to the point of extinction
While everyone looks the other way.

We are born in the world
Imperfectly perfect
In an accidental lottery of DNA
Against all odds.

But nothing is more beautiful
As imperfect art
The imprecise shading
And subtle blending of colors.

The mark of God is in the details
In our immeasurable capacity for love
An uncontainable spirit
Both pure and perfect.

We are here for a reason
And naturally we hate the fake
The pretended meanings
And heavy handed lies.

It is time to create boldly
And it’s time to tell the truth
Living fearless
Authentic and true.

To be ourselves
Without apology
Suffering not the judgment of others
Unabashedly one of a kind.


The Doldrums 12/14/2011

Listen love
And open up your heart
Lifting it up
Without regret or doubt.

Remember the days
We once had
But not the ugly
And not the end.

Remember me
The best part of me
The part that still burns
And cannot die.

The star crossed lovers of destiny
Brought together across time
Connected at the soul
And filled with the spirit.

I loved you
More than my own life
Thinking that I was so lucky
With dreams for the future
And a spark in my eye.

But I was living in my emotions
And carelessly selfish
Spoiled by good fortune
And ripe for a fall.

Ever bored and disappointed
I never held back my feelings
Never listening for the subtle
Still voice of love.

I wanted to make everything perfect
And I let the smallest of nusciances
Ruin our times
By the judgments I made
And the look on my face.

I could not appreciate
The treasure I had
And I did not know
For what I had asked.

Something happened
A horrible creeping grief
And I’ll never be the same
And never feel as safe.

Losing you brought me low
Lower than you can imagine
Free falling out into nothingness
Without anywhere to turn.

That I held back
And that I held on
Is but, by the grace of God
Given as a gift
And not earned.

I am tossed out
And so far fallen
A unwelcome reminder
Of the past
Haunting the present.

Still I love you
Even though I should forget
Still loyal
Though I die.

It is you
Who let me know
And it is you
Who caused the inspiration.

Together we made something greater
But we lost before it was completed
A work unfinished
Unexplored and unknown.

There is no victory without loss
And no honor without suffering
And I was offered up
Blemishes and all.

I go on
But for me the colors are muted
As my focus has changed
And my dreams withered.

I live and I love
But not as freely
And not as pure
Never again to see in this world
The same youthful hope
Or the same false safety.

Never again to feel
The peace I didn’t appreciate
Or rest self assured
But instead to wander forever
All alone
In crowded rooms.

Somehow I know
That you will know me
The part that had only started to grow
The fullest manifestation
Of who I was meant to be.

Long after the inevitable end
When every injury is healed
And all forgiven
Just as it was written
And like we always knew.

Now and Then

Now and Then 12/13/2011

Turning over inside of myself
The thoughts form and dissipate
Coming as if from memory
Already lived
But forgotten.

Ideas are like projectiles
That pierce reality
Like a diamond bullet
Exploding in all directions.

Shattered glass glistens in the street
And forms a bloody mosaic
Reflecting the flames in different directions
Another sign of things to come.

Time is a mystery
That is already solved
But that is another secret
That we can only guess.

We are like the fattened calves
Or a happy pig
Burying our snouts
In search of more.

But the choice is ours
To remain or to grow
But growth cannot come without pain
And loss.

Our dreams make us different
And love makes us sacrifice
Loving others more than ourselves
And dying every day.

The sense of self dies hard
And comes back to life
All the time
Rising up in resentment
And self pity.

I have loved enough to suffer
As most men will
Hanging myself out to dry
Overcoming the loss
To give up and die.

If others also love
Then they too must sacrifice
Giving up perfection
For just another day.

I had to give up
And I had to hold back
Giving myself away
To suffer and lose.

Others give as well
Some for love
And some for money
But it is the heart that matters
And the reason matters the most.

There is no secret hidden
That God does not know
And there is no false reasoning
That he will not expose.

Tough days are ahead
When all we revered
Will be destroyed
Torn down and mocked.

In a thousand million pieces
The work of many is wasted
Strewn across a landscape
That only hell could imagine.

But if that should happen
Then what are we to do
But the answer is as simple
To remain standing
And just keep going.

Love is all around us
So there is no need to search
Just as my son makes me smile
As I hold him in my arms
His smile melting my heart
After another thankless day.

I have prayed and prayed
And still I keep on going
Because I have made my choice
Choosing to live
And choosing to love.

Deep Freeze

Deep Freeze 12/12/11

Deep winter is upon us
And soon another year shall pass
Silently passing over our heads
In swirling clouds
And falling ice.

Like a bear I grow tired
And let my hair grow
A large white arctic animal
With words instead of claws.

The days are short
And the nights are long
As the ice thickens
Across the pond.

Some things we ask for
And some we don’t
But I walk around inside this skin
And I think thoughts inside this brain.

I didn’t ask to know
And I didn’t know to ask
Because some things are just given
Without any reason or justification.

The light is given
And it shines even in darkness
Illuminating all my doubts
And revealing my path
But only one step at a time.

I read about the world
And it is a long sad story
But it always ends the same
But we never learn
And never understand.

All men make mistakes
But not all men make it right
But I have laid my life
At the feet of God
And wait for him
To pay them back.

How much more does it take
And how much more must happen
Before man wakes up
And see what is here.

It will never be enough
If we are afraid to know
And hide in our thoughts
In safe and familiar conceptions.

Just because I am quiet
Does not mean that I give up
But rather it is the opposite
As I make up my mind
How I must fight.

We have brought in the greens
But slept through the times
Burying our treasure in the cave
And sleeping with our eyes closed.

Outside the dead have fallen
And the hungry killers circle
Eating all that remains
And waiting for us.

Protected by the thinnest of defenses
We rest on the strength of others
But even animals grow bolder
With immunity and acquiescence.

Silence is complicity
And a man has no hope
If he cannot name his enemy
The unspoken ever greater
Than what we read or hear.

Wake up
And shake of the snow
Rise up to full height
And see the truth
Clear as hell.

If you love
Then make sure you live it
Protect them
And the future to come.

Because we are all cutouts
Here one day
And gone tomorrow
Expendable aside from money
Useless and dead.

Love your family
And plan for tomorrow
Winter shall pass
But death shall wait.

The Invisible Hand

The Invisible Hand 12/9/2011

I was born
In a place
Beneath the biggest sky
In a city of ghosts
Far away from here.

It was lonely
And it was cold
Stranded in the middle
Of endless fields of grain.

We would drive to the lake
And build a fire at the sand pit
Burying the dead soldiers
And shooting our guns in the night
The sounds and our voices echoing
Into eternity.

Staring upwards into the black
You can see ten thousand stars
Mesmerizing in their beauty
Distant, sparkling and cold.

There is a peace in their remoteness
And a presence in their design
And you know that you are loved
And watched.

There is a sense
Deep down in the soul
That we are guided
By an invisible hand.

Ushered along life
From one place to the next
Incapable of vision
Until we see
The backwards past.

We make choices
But then we live them through
A combination of exposure
And free will.

God was watching me
And God was guiding me
Loving me in spite of myself
Even then
And so far from here.

If we had known
How things would change
I wonder what we would have done
But youth is seldom appreciated
Before it ages away.

I was anxious
And I was impatient
Searching for some sort of perfection
That I never found.

I wanted to
Trying to capture the impossible
And form something unique
In my hands.

To do something
That had never been done
And make the world over
By the force of my spirit.

But rather we are the changed
And are transformed by events
Molded, fired and tempered
And tested by trials
Over and over again.

A work in progress
Never quite finished
Heated, hammered and frozen
Until we are ready.

The real life is yet to come
The one we are training for
A new beginning
Of a beautiful forever.

Here we guess
Then we will know
Now we lose
And then we will live.

Our dreams a reality
And our suffering a blessing
Everything and everyone
Together at last.

Napalm

Napalm 12/8/2011

A crack has opened up
And a fire ignited
Fuel for a rebellion
Burning across the countryside
In a black trail of death.

I’ve got my Irish whiskey
And I’ve got my gasoline
With death in my eyes
And blood in my mouth.

We are marked
And we are judged
But we no longer fear
Because what can man ever do
That is worse than what we see.

The tail wags the dog
And the bottom feeders
Eat all the food
Stealing everything they can
And running away to hide.

But no one can hide forever
And keep their secrets hidden
Because we are here to search
And we are here to destroy.

It shouldn’t be a surprise
Because you have known it all along
That nothing lasts forever
And this farce has run its course.

Animals can’t rule the streets forever
And the ignorant can’t always win
So they have gamed all the systems
To steal what others earned.

No one tells the truth
And the good are mercilessly ridiculed
Skewing all reality just to fit their opinion
And leading us all into ruin.

Mere words are just not enough
Cheaply bought and turned around
Useless against the selfish
And the spiritually condemned.

They chant and they grasp
Because they have no mind of their own
Willingly led, robbed and programmed
Into narcissism and pride.

They crush those who tell the truth
And any who dare to challenge
Digging through their trash
And laying snares in their path.

A media culture complex run amok
And dragging us all downhill
But now it’s time to burn the curtains
And see who waits behind.

They will pardon killers
And call them heroes
Because of the hate
They hold in their hearts.

But they shall all fade away
Because you can’t make something
Out of nothing
And you can’t breed a soul.

The nights are full of terror
But soon they shall be reclaimed
In a one sided blow of justice
As they scatter in all directions.

The death bombs shall explode
And rain acid and fire
Reducing to dust all that stand
And blowing them away.

A voice in the distance
Is speaking from the past
A prophecy and a warning
Shining a light upon the lies.

When the sun is blotted out
The good time friends cower
And run for safety
But he who stands against it now
Shall forever be honored.

Demonolgy

Demonology 12/7/2011

Words are pretty useless
And they seldom finish the job
Falling useless on the ground
Like tears in the rain.

Life is muddy
And life is a mystery
An unsolvable riddle
That isn’t always funny.

You can try to do what is right
But no one gets out of this alive
And no matter how hard you try
Everything falls apart.

We do what we are told
But still we fail
Because by the time we learn
It is already too late.

The things that happen
Either for the good or bad
Are like singular pin points of time
That we can never connect
Until after we have suffered
And look backwards in disgust.

It is hard to know
What it is all worth
When our viewpoints
Change with emotions
And emotions with the wind.

All men have weaknesses
And circumstantial fortune
Funneling us into situations
With conflicting desires
And decisions.

Even though we promise ourselves
Evil paces back and forth
Always searching
And prodding our defenses.

It comes in unexpected ways
And slips through the tiniest of cracks
Slithering silently past
Even the sharpest eye.

Working its way
Into our minds
In a million small ways
Undetected and deadly.

We think thoughts
That seem harmless
But our words and thoughts
Are but conduits for action.

One thing leads to another
And nothing seems to happen
Leading us into doubt
And all kinds of self deception.

But everything we do
Ripples outwards in all directions
Causing unpredictable reactions
And uncontrolled consequences.

For the smallest of transgressions
Many have suffered and died
As the rot spreads like cancer
Wasting the future away.

The fatherless cry
And seek out affection
Poor, angry
Damaged and marked.

It has laid waste to riches
And stolen the peace of the innocent
Reducing to poverty
The good and the honest.

Murder, theft and deception
Lay at the feet of pride
That old worm of vanity
Eating a hole in our hearts.

Love isn’t easy
And a good man makes a choice
To endure all of loves burdens
No matter what.

To face again and again
The uphill fight
Trudging on, even when tired
And forgiving even when angry.

All men sin
But not all men learn
And all men lie
But not all grow.

I’ll wait
And keep on going
Regardless of the past
Because no man is perfect
Lest vanity infect in heart.

Because there is more than what we see
And this world is but a manifestation
Of the other
Yet to come.

A false pleasure can numb the senses
And I had the demons
Running in my veins
Setting me on fire
To where I could feel no pain.

I tried to do all
And be all
But no one is immune
Not from the life
And not from the world.

The good days outnumbered the bad
So I did not see the end coming
Because I was still heading up
When I started to fall.

How quickly things can change
As desperation leads to horror
As we spin tighter and tighter
Without any way out.

Unable to live
Without familiar comfort
The kind we loved
But wanted us dead.

Losing track of time
As the days become a blur
Until we cry out for death
To take us home.

But not for the smallest of chances
I would have slept in darkness
Lost forever in a deep black hole
Far away from peace.

If a man has eyes
Then now is the time
Time to look and time to see
The killers in the street
And the imposters at the wheel.

No secret shall be hidden
So there is nothing left to fear
Because if one can face the end
And live
Then others can breathe.

Now that I know
I live as new
No longer a stranger
And no longer a fool.

You and I are here
So these words are not wasted
More valuable that my emotions
The truth
That we must choose.

Seven Years Ghost

Seven Years Ghost 12/5/2011

I had to give away the past
Even though it hurt
Seven years of waiting
For a seven years ghost
Walking in circles backwards
To try and turn back the clock.

I finally donated the clothes
And I finally sold the bed
Even though I wanted to keep it
Just like she saw it last.

I was so happy
And I thought we had forever
But some things are just too perfect to last
And too beautiful to hold.

I still dream of the past
So vivid and real
And I want to them to be true
To wake up in a different world
Where everyone and everything
Is as beautiful as the beginning.

A world where we never lose
The joy in our heart
And every single moment
Is full of generosity
And kindness.

Where even the quiet moments
Are like heaven
As I lay awake and listen
To the sound of her breathing.

A world where there is no emptiness
And no hole in my heart
With someone who understands
And knows.

I would do anything
To relive all the days
To repair all the damage
And be a better man.

You can be chained to the present
Or you can be chained to the past
Because the future is something we avoid
Pitiless and foreboding.

We are all prisoners of something
And none of us our free
Pacing backwards in our minds
Or dreaming pointless dreams.

I still don’t know which is better
To hold on
Or just to let go
And no one ever returns
To tell us for sure.

The dead spin is over
And I have started over again
A new beginning
And a second chance.

I am happy
But I’ll never be the same
Marked for lie
And permanently scarred.

I have shaved my beard
Because she wants it that way
What was once blondish red
Turned prematurely gray
All the color gone
And faded away.

Maybe she thinks I need a change
Or that I need to forget.
Because I was feeling tired
And older than I am

Always looking backwards can make you sick
And regret will steal every smile
Robbing you of every joy
Killing you every day.

I have a new family
And I love my baby very much
But he deserves better than me
And all the blackness that follows.

I try to imagine new dreams
But I’ve lived enough to know
That nothing lasts forever
And everything falls apart.

I started writing in the lonely hours
In the middle of the night
With a whiskey in my hand
But it took seven years
For me to know
And for me to share.

I send these words out
And let them crawl
In unknown directions
To whoever may read
And whoever may know.

Our daughter has her eyes
And now she is eleven
The little girl I love
The only thing that remains
Of the love I won
And lost.

The future is a mystery
And I’ll never be the same
But I will make the best of it
No matter what it takes
And no matter who knows.

Manslaughter

Manslaughter 12/2/2011


My mind is like a dark mansion
A house with many rooms
High on a rocky cliff
On a silent mountainside.

It is a house of splendor
With crystal chandeliers
And deep velvet curtains
Heavy tables and silver candelabras.

But it is also a house of horror
Haunted by the ghosts of the past
Both the living
And also the dead.

There rooms full of boxes
And the boxes hold memories
Some of them left opened
And some of them closed.

It is full of hidden treasures
And secret rooms
A refuge in times of trouble
And solitude for the soul.

Its walls are made of stone
Thick with history
Impregnable
And steep.

In the great hall
The hearth is burning
And my conscience sits before it
Brooding about the day.

His eyes reflect the fire
But his mind is somewhere else
Visiting the past
And haunting the future
Full of regret and sorrow.

The weapons hang on the walls
And torches keeps the passages lit
Because here it is always night
Blacker than black.

In the depths of endless winter
A remote and icy fortress
With blood in the mortar
And horror in the cellar.

Some of the rooms
Are quiet and dusty
Left exactly
As they touched them last
A silent reminder
Of love and loss.

But in the dungeon
Rests the deepest darkest self
Locked down tight
And straining against the chains.

He has suffered
And cries out in agony
Tortured by a thousand cuts
And planning his revenge.

Waiting and waiting
For what it seems like forever
Waiting for the guilty to visit
So he can devour them whole.

I have the secrets
And I know the reasons
Hidden in oak chests
Unsearchable and safe.

I know when
And I know how
The secrets that were hidden
That they think no one knows.

The secret is the proof
And the proof can make you sick
The kind we always wonder about
But then quickly
Suppress the thought.

I know what was done
And I know how
But the worst is the reason
Just as simple as it is low.

I wait by the door
For the lid to come off
When all of this passes away
And truth rises
Justified at last.

I am pale as a ghost
And blood is smeared on my face
But my eyes are burning
And my heart is solid iron.

If war shall come
Then I am ready
And if God should bless
Then I shall smile.



Trash 12/2/2011

You can make it look pretty
And you can teach it to speak
But you can never make noble
What is dead in the heart.

You can take mud
And mold it into something
But only God can give it life
And summon a spirit.

The world is full of mud
And we sit on mountains of trash
Empty, wasted and dead
The lifeless and the putrid.

You can make money
And you can establish law
Setting up little kings
With titles and glory.

But you can’t make a man
Out of nothing
And no one can give them humility
Or wisdom.

This ship was built to sink
And all the towers shall fall
Built to hold the temporary
Just for looks
And just for show.

Disposable reminders
Of temporary existence
Here today
And gone tomorrow.

We can make excuses
And we can praise the foolish
Lifting up fools
And putting down the good.

But all is fake
And make believe
The truth behind the lies
And the lie behind the scenes.

Though we are thrown away
And ridiculed
A man is never wasted
If he keeps his soul.

But a man of deception
Though he may bask in glory
Is nothing but vanity
Empty and useless.

I have lost more
Than I have gained
But I am not the only one
And I am not the last.

But what I have lost
Was never mine
And what I have gained
Remains forever.