Blood Brothers Redux

I wrote this in 2004. I hadn't even read it in years until this morning. I did change a few lines at the beginning and I deleted the last stanza because it was too personal. I am not sure if I ever sent this to any of my friends or not. But either way, I am putting it out there now. By ironscribe

Blood Brothers
Slamming car doors and breaking glass
Reverberate with the music in my mind

And I am there once again
Getting out the booze

We hid in our coats
To pass around the alcohol

And kill a little time.

Moving with the shadows both inside and out
In doorways and hallways of unfamiliar towns
Looking for something both beautiful and kind
And heading for oblivion

With whatever we could find.

One more round to kill the pain
To banish the boredom and medicate the heart
One more trip around the bar
To see who’s there

And see how far.

Feeling indestructible

But living without a plan
I was looking for an angel
To cure my mind.

The meaninglessness of life can get you down
Ever searching the night for a soul to share
Never questioning the answers you are eating
Or stopping to notice

That your insides are bleeding.

This incredible thirst we feel
This insatiable need for love
Walking with the vampires of unintended consequences
Of immortal thoughts

And misguided offenses.

Standing in lines and lighting a smoke
Numbing my soul and warming my blood
A sweet electric pulse from my head to my toes
For a moment I remember

And start to compose.

This hunger for life we can’t seem to control
These thousands of glimpses we so eagerly stole
A burning heart and a warm pint of beer
In my memory still alive

Happy and dear.

Life can be brutal and it can be short
Looking for a reason to see the sun
Distracting ourselves with selfish pleasures
False as the glory and money we treasure.

A plastic cup and the sound of the tide
We went up to the rocks and she gave me a ride
The sound of tires and visions of hereafter
As my memory falls apart

And goes tumbling after.

The darkness that falls upon the despondent
Is like a curtain call for hope
Blinded by the velvety folds
We try to hard and go for broke.

Cynical comments of the witty and vain
Anything to impress the one we’re with
At the foot of the little gods of vanity and pride
Shattered by the consequences

Of when she died.

I remember a cold ride in her jeep
Whipping the blankets

We held over our heads
Curvy are the roads of fate we drive
Is it by chance or grace

That we arrive?

I remember the crowded rooms

Where our glasses clinked
I remember the bars were we laughed

And guzzled our drinks
The decisions we make in the glory of time
Are but fleeting moments of rebellious design.

This random love of conflicted emotions
A fickle heart of unremembered chances
Thinking I had forever to make up my mind
Measured backwards and crumbling with time.

On the wings of eagles high above the ground
Full of the blood of satisfied desires
These tumultuous days of hedonistic pleasure
Consuming all in ravenous fires.

Me and my brothers I remember quite well
Stuck in a place between heaven and hell
This gift of life that we held so lightly
Fading fast after burning so brightly.

The colors of memory both red and blue
Neon lights and a face in my brain
I remember her clothes black as midnight
Her hair was dark and her dress was tight.

I wonder why I turned out this way
I wonder why I wasted the days
A nighttime world of the lost and lonely
Looking backwards and repeating “if only?”

Interrupted destiny I couldn’t have seen
That I would ever sit down and write
Putting away the little gods one by one
And picking up the pieces

Bleached out by the sun.

I write for reasons I still don’t know
Given this grace without deserving
I’ve learned patience through trial and suffering
All for my own good

But still underserving.

The chances of these words coming out in my hand
Beyond the measure of the grains of sand
This growing of heart and soul
Forward fast towards a predestined goal.

I’ve paid the price for my mistakes
I should have prayed for guidance
Now I listen and can hear the voice
Guiding me always to the wiser choice.

Unselfish love without any cause
Generosity of spirit and forgiveness of heart
Giving without expectation
Without knowing

The end from the start.