Tidal Pool

Tidal Pool                      9/16/2015

If I had what I wanted

I wouldn’t be here

Far away

And already gone. 

And if had done,

All that I dreamed

Then I would be dead

Wasted on the road

To nowhere.

I thought that I was safe

And that is what I clung to

The security of belonging

And the normalcy

Of acceptance. 

But how can we stop

What is greater than ourselves

Plucking us out

And throwing us down.  

I held on, as tight as I could

And I tried to stop the bleeding

Because that was all I knew

And that was all I had. 

Yes, I loved her

Perhaps more than I should have

More than my own life

And more than my own soul. 

Without her

There was nothing

Having never once considered

Who I was

Separate and alone.  

I had seen eternity

And I dove straight in

Drowning in her eyes

For what it seemed like forever.

But the dominoes fell

One after another

Cutting me off

And cutting me down. 

Wounded deeply

And left out to bleed

Disheveled and discarded

In the great wide open. 

A black veil descended

And colored the world

Marking my every move

And stealing my every pleasure.  

Falling down

And bleeding out

Under the weight of a loss

Far too heavy to lift. 

I did not know then

What I know now

Because who can ever grow

With everything they wanted.

Now I see

And now I know

That dreams are only dreams

And feelings, are only feelings.

In a time of lies

The truth becomes the enemy

Punished at every turn

No matter how disgusting. 

And in a time of deception

Even the good fall

Extorted and engineered 

An inch at a time

Giving in, and giving up.