Gervais Street

Gervais Street 4/30/2014

Over here

Under the log

You will find the missing pieces

Of me and you

And everything else.  

We search endlessly 

But never find a thing

Until no one can find us

And we are dead. 

Life is strange

And living hurts

Even though it shouldn’t

All because

We are wounded by others 

Their apathy and their greed.

They strive on and on

And talk themselves

Into a circle 

Clawing and shoving each other

For just a little more. 

How would they react?

If they ever truly knew

How worthless it all is

The money and the power. 

If you are in the way

Then you had better watch out

Because now you are marked

And now you will die..

No one needs a cut out

And no one loves

A loose end

Knowing just enough to be a problem

But never enough

To save yourself.

If it’s all in the details

Then they won’t miss a thing

Staying up thinking

About your money

And your throat.

It’s not newsworthy

And no one says a word

That the good are sacrificed

Every hour

And every day. 

Nothing is

As it appears

And now that you know

You have no value

Or  protection. 

Others stare at a chessboard

And strategize their conquest

As they play a game

With other people lives.

They move money

And they rig the system

Selling us out

And giving us away.

Blowing up their friends

To frame their enemies

Anything to get what they want

Everything and everywhere.

Before you can think it

And before you can know.

It has all been divided up

And given away.

All of this

That I have done

Has all washed away

Under the bridge

And out to sea. 

Lost in the vastness

Of the ocean

The small pieces

Sinking to the bottom

Impossible to find. 

I hope these words

Are not wasted

And I hope

That they

Find their mark.

Because everything else is gone

And everything else is lost

Erased like it never happened

And I never lived at all.

The good was never enough

And the bad

Came with a price

A price I could never pay

And much too heavy to lift.

But what I had

Was not what I needed

And what I needed most

I would have never pursued.

Now I am empty

And now I am spent

But even this is a blessing

Because now I know

And now I am ready.

Ready for anything

And ready to speak

Letting the words roll out

And tumble into space.

With nothing to lose

And everything to gain

Because the best part is always ahead

And beyond. 

The search goes on

And so also do I

Because the search

Is the treasure

So let it go on

And burn forever. 

VOIP

VOIP     4/25/2014

Yes, I got the message

But I was not the only one  

A harbinger of destruction

For all of you and me.   

Cut off the switches

And get out of Dodge

Because this ratchet

Only works in one direction

And it’s never worked before. 

It’s time to push back

And break the gears apart

Because the truth is like a hammer

Smashing every lie. 

You can get up and pretend

Or you can just roll over

And sleep

But either way

It won’t change a thing. 

Whatever we do

It always wears off

The newness fades

And our attention wanders. 

The heart eventually gives out

From all of the strain

No matter what we try

Or what we take. 

Programed to fail

For the horror of it all

We surge forward

But always fall back.

We are just wasting our time

Treading water

Upside down in a tank

Bumping up against the glass

Over and over again.

The struggle can seem hopeless

And defeat inevitable

But even small numbers

Have proved that false

Time and time again.

They can come at you

With everything they have

But he who stands firm

Shall have the greatest gift. 

Water flows down hill

And the earth rots all flesh

But the spirit can do the impossible

Through faith and tenacity.

I burn

And I suffer

But I remain unbroken

Strong enough to move mountains

With words.

Something has happened to me

At first almost imperceptible

But growing every day

As one cell at a time

Awakens.

We are all here for a reason

And I was made for this

Knit together in darkness

And forever linked to you.

Nothing can stop us

Except maybe ourselves

With nothing to fear

But dread and regret.  

Lift and Turn

Lift and Turn 4/22/2014

You might not have heard

About the tragic horrors

Lucky enough to survive

Another day

And another hour. 

Some men bring life

And some only death

But now that death is destroyed

All the good shall live.

The innocent are murdered

And no one dares to notice

The jarring juxtaposition

Of hope and hatred.

Nothing can fix

A man without a soul

And no amount of regulation

Can create

What never was. 

If it wasn’t you

And it wasn’t yours

You can relax and breathe

But only the foolish

Will close their eyes

Or look the other way. 

Take all that you have heard

And take all that you are told

And turn it over

Exposing the writhing mass

Of truth and terror. 

Because even the best of liars

Cannot hide it forever

The disgusting reality

Underneath a rock. 

Perhaps we are lucky

And perhaps

We have been spared

But heaven help us

When the wheels come off.

It’s good to think and contemplate

How it feels to be someone else

But it’s also good to turn things over

And examine the other side.  

Things look different

When you challenge the status quo

Especially when its forbidden

And discouraged. 

But he who lies

Is already dead

And he who follows

Blind and dumb. 

Better it is to speak the truth

Even if it hurts

Because humility heals

And pride falls. 

Bolt Cutter

Bolt Cutter 4/21/2014

The circular blade

Spins sideways

Biting into bare metal

Sparking, cutting,

And churning through. 

I am going to turn this over

And I am going

To get away fast

Too old to waste another minute

And nothing left to lose. 

Our minds are full of memories

And every day there is more

But some can only dump it all

And run the other way.

The best things

Cannot be seen

Because what is unseen

Has always been greater

Than what we see

Or what we know. 

Some things stay hardened

But others shrink and soften

Useless, dead, and powerless

To do what we must

And do what they did.      

But that is life

And that is the test

While we remain

And endure. 

I am a double man

Appearing as the same

With one half weak

And the other strong.  

We all need love

But some, only have the need

As they always cling to others

For validation and survival.

But the good should learn

That there is always more

Locked away inside

And begging for release.

We could do it all

If only we would try

And we could change everything

If only we believed. 

But we cower

And we melt

Giving way to time

And circumstance. 

It is time to break through

And it is time to break away

And run at full speed

Using everything we were given

To smash what remains. 

The spirit burns

And awakens the flesh

Making anyone

Ten times ten thousand.

Now is the best time

Even if, it feels the worst

Because now we know

And now we see. 

We can remain as clay

Or we can be as bold as iron

Forged, fired, and hardened

And growing every day. 

Break the ice

And bust down the door

Because nothing can be won

Without ridicule and risk.

  

One Moment

One Moment   4/18/2014

The sun beat down on my neck

But I did not want

To raise my head

As if my presence could make a difference

Or that my face

Might offend.

A drink in hand

I walked around the woods

While the kids played and shouted

Happy one moment and sad the next

Running and quarreling. 

I am not the same

And I never will be again

But, now that I can see

I can merely watch,

And listen.

In my mind I walk backwards

And smell the water and the dirt

On summer days

That I thought would last forever.

Time does not stand still

And no one can

Slice it small enough

To capture the present

In a slide of glass.  

We are left in limbo

Stuck inside of a membrane

Trapped on one side

And longing for the other. 

It is hard to pretend

And it is hard to care

About all the things

That I know,

Do not matter

And never will again. 

I have tried

To get what I want

But as soon as I found it

It always falls apart.

If I never have

What is missing

How will I know?

And if I have it all inside

Who else can understand?

Suddenly I feel the breeze

And the ducks cry out

From the pond

And everything feels

Like a dream.

I think of my mother’s heavy curtains

And the smell of her perfume

Golden beams of sunlight

Dancing with particles of dust.

My boy laughs

And I laugh back at him

As he shakes me awake

And looks in my eyes.

It is enough

That we love each other

And I hug him tightly

Guilty but happy

That I am loved.