Double Double

Double Double 6/28/2013

Dumb is the day
Hot, horrible and heavy
Weighing down on my chest
As I walk along the street.

It does not matter much
That I am tired
Because today is another day
And we all must, keep trying.

Last night
The storm came
With long rolls of thunder
And flashing bolts of light.

I didn’t pay much attention
As I rushed to the car
And only caught the reflections
In my rearview mirror.

I made it home
And I put the kids to bed
Another day and another night
Alone in the world.

This morning the humidity
Rose like smoke from the street
Amid the fallen branches and leaves
Spread randomly in my path.

The old life has gone
But now I live again
Never again so safe
And never again so sure.

I tried to do it on my own
But I never got that far
So now I humbly wait
Just to see
Where I can go.

They say that lightning
Cannot strike twice
But of that, I am not so sure
Because many have led double lives
Here and also there.

I am here
And I was there
Both equally alive
In a different slice of time.

Each one, just as real
And each one, just as dumb
But now I know
And now I understand.

Nothing will ever be perfect
And with that, I am content
That no matter what happens
God knows
And remembers.

Double lightning
May yet strike again
But even this
I shall survive
Still just as good
And still, just as worthy.

It has cut me through
And split me in half
Separating what was
With who I am.

We can grow
From the inside out
And we must die
In order to live.

The old will be forgiven
And all the wounds healed
Better, and brighter than before
Flashing with light
And streaking across the heavens.

Deeper and Deeper

Digging Deep 6/27/2013

The hole is deep
And it always gets deeper
Because we have dug for a long time
And no longer
Can we climb out.

At some point you know
What matters to man
Nothing but comfort and safety
Even if it hurts
The good and the free.

But they always come back
When it has to be paid
But no matter how much we give
It will never be enough
To pay the bills
Or cover up the truth.

Today is another day
And we are too busy to think
Weighted down with a future
We may never live to see.

Nothing more than an end
To someone else' s needs
A cog in the machine
Useful as long as I am compliant
And work until I am dead.

But nothing works without the cog
And without the engine
All movement stops
And rusts in the sun.

Someone had to think
And someone had to write
Creating something out of nothing
For others to use
And enjoy.

A good man will always be needed
Whether his is appreciated or not
And that is the crucial point
No one can see.

All you have to do is
Stop feeding the beast
And he will soon learn
What it is
That he must do.

Beasts survive
At the kindness of the good
And the good shall survive
No matter what.

Though our money can be taken
And our secrets searched
No man can ever duplicate
What the God has inspired
And his spirit creates.

The power is ours
If only we knew it
In a million countless ways
To overcome the world.

Nothing is forever
And neither is this
and what seems inevitable to man
Can change in a moment
If we believe
And if we pray.

The Back Room

The Back Room 6/26/2013

Sometimes the pieces are small
And you just can’t find them
But sometimes patterns are so big
They're impossible to ignore.

And it doesn’t matter
What anyone said was intended
When the good will suffer
And the horror shall spread.

Its not like
We are the first
And even now
If you can search,
Then you can know.

None have survived
Division or lies
And none have endured
Corruption and greed.

Just because you can buy a crown
Doesn’t make you a king.
And just because some have power
Doesn’t make them a leader.

Remember the fools
Who have wallowed in dirt
Clinging to promises
And cowering in fear.

It is on their heads
That all of this, shall fall
Long after they die
Others shall suffer,
Starve, and cry.

Worship a man
And see where it leads
As they leave you to twist
And jerk in the wind.

The good men raced to help
And then they waited to die
Left to hang by the evil
Without remorse or honor.

Their end shall come suddenly
Unexpected and sure
As they fall into the hole
That they themselves have dug.

The good shall live
And the privileged shall fall
Fat off the spoils
Unearned, unappreciated
And undeserved.

Quicker

Quicker 6/25/2013

I breathe easy
Because now I am a stranger
No longer trying to understand
What will never make sense.

The demons no longer
Tug at my heart
Pulling me in different directions
No longer able to drag me backwards
And down into hell.

Now they just sit on the fence
And stare at me
When I leave
Just waiting for me to give up
And just hoping
That I will fall.

There is no other reason
Than the obvious truth
That evil men
Do not want your kindness
But only your death.

They are as relentless at they are low
With no threat beneath them
And no conscience to guide them
With hearts full of contempt
And minds full of hatred.

Promises from them, are nothing
But transparent puffs of smoke
Given just to get
And then dissolving into air.

Working behind the curtain
And using every trick they can
To seduce the stupid
And persuade the good.

They accuse and they scream
And have cost many a dream
Chasing the truth from debate
And diluting it with lies.

But even this
You should know will come
Because it was there all along
And right under our nose.

And the worse that it gets
The quicker will come the end
When all that was lost
Is reclaimed
And restored.

Yes the demons still wait
And sit on my fence
Staring straight at me
As I leave for the day.

But something has changed
No matter how hard it gets
And even though they laugh and jeer
I stare straight back at them.

Apple Mouth

Apple Mouth 6/24/2013

Apple cider, juice, and moonshine
Tastes like apple pie in my mouth
Soothing on the tongue
And burning in my stomach.

A day in the country
Hidden from the world
Tucked away in the woods
Peaceful and green.

I can’t go back
But today, I can laugh
Sitting back and watching the kids play
Just like I used to do.

The sounds of their voices
Echo in my ears
Trickling down easy
Just like it should.

There is no better place
And there is no better reason
Than loving the moment
No matter what you have
Or what you lost.

It all comes back
In unexpected ways
Fuller, richer
And deeper.

I’ll run this road
Over and over again
More than I ever wanted
And better every time.

Crossing Over

Just coming back from the funeral, it was a 2,637.8 mile drive and a real journey of the soul.

Crossing Over

Highways can be hypnotic
And memories can be a treasure
But all of it depends on how you think
And what you do.

As the landscape changes
From verdant green
To tumbleweeds
And the hills flatten out
Across the prairie.

The endless miles stretch out
Ahead and behind
Narrowing to a point
In the dead level distance.

As I drove along
Alone in my thoughts
I tried to remember
A world long forgotten.
And often ignored.

I am holding onto my father’s back
As he crawls across the floor
Laughing with glee
As he snorts like a horse.

I can still feel the warmth
Of his skin
And the texture of his hair
Rising and falling
Without a care in the world.

He took us snow sledding
And he took me to the bank
As I watched him across the decades
Talk, joke,
Help and heal.

Those days are gone
And now, I am the father
More than aware
Of all that I am
And will never be.

The shots rang out
In three sharp volleys
Echoing over
The fields of grain.

The flag was shown
And then it was folded
Given by a grateful nation
To the last
From the first.

I wrote a poem
But I did not read it
Because sometimes words
Are just not enough
And seem useless and forced.

At the end
My little boy walked forward
And gently rubbed the box
Waved and said “bye bye”
Just as if, he was there.

Goosebumps spread out
As I felt a rush of air
As my son said
“Yes, Yes”
Over and over again.

The world spreads out
Pitted, warped, and skewed
Slanted against the good
Every step of the way.

But as men we live
And as men we die
From here until forever
To love, live and try.

The white stones
Stretch out before us
In perfect rows
Known and unknown
Sacrificed and immortal.

Their lives elongate
And lengthen like shadows
Far above what we have known
And far greater
Than what we have done.

I held my son
And kissed his cheek
Soft, sweet and pure
And I looked into his eyes
Everything shared
And understood.

The world is, what it is
But I shall do what I can
Taking my place
In the rows of time.

God put that spark in your eye
And he gave me the spirit
That flows through
His heart
A gift we don’t deserve
But can never lose.

There Lived a Man

In memory of my Father 12/25/1923 -- 06/12/2013

There Lived a Man
6/13/2013

My father died in his sleep
Peacefully leaving this world for good
Severing the last link
Between me,
And yesterday.

He was born into
The greatest generation
Men who fought against tyranny
From the Beaches of Normandy
To the home islands of Japan.

They who knew the hardships
Of depression and want
But who built a wealth
That astounded the world.

They didn’t need to ask permission
And they didn’t ask for any help
Building a new world
All by themselves
For others to waste
And misuse.

My father taught me the truth
And he taught me
The difference, between right and wrong
And never to blame or make excuses
For what I myself
Had done wrong.

From my earliest memories
Riding on his back
To the last time
I saw his face
He was, and is
The greatest man
That I ever knew.

There is no way to count
All the wisdom he gave
And his intelligence and judgment
I respect more every day.

He was not a respecter of persons
And he treated everyone the same
But my father always knew
That respect was earned
And no one should be preferred.

He gave me a gift
More precious
Than anything I have
An unconditional love
That I can never lose.

No one ever taught him
What it was to be a man
An orphan of the dust bowl
All alone in the world.

He never knew his father
But I sure knew him
There with me
Every step of the way
No matter how many times
I fell.

He taught me how to ride a bike
And he taught me to clean a fish
But the best thing he ever gave me
Was the courage
To do what was right.

He was a humble man
Who never took credit for a thing
But I was always so proud of him
When strangers told me
All that he had done.

I love you Dad
And I miss you
The world is now even more colorless
Than yesterday
And more pointless
Than today.

Now my parents are gone
And with them passes the age
Like so many others
Suspended in time.

Now we carry on
The burden
All by ourselves
Facing new enemies
And new tyranny.

There is no one, else to ask
And it is up to us
To step off the boat
And storm the shore.

That he is in a better place
I have not a single doubt
Finally receiving his reward
For a life well lived
And fully served.

The Secret Sun

The Secret Sun 6/12/2013

What does it take?
To open up our eyes
When ambitious men
Mortgage our dreams
And sell out our kids.

Dealing in back rooms
For a little more money
And a scratch on the back
Destroying the future
For those yet unborn.

Oblivious to the will
Of those who did the work
And compromising with evil
Every step of the way.

Honest men are scrutinized
And persecuted
While murderous leeches
Are coddled
And praised.

The shadow has come
And blocks out the sun
As evil men act without check
To hunt down the innocent.

Silently stalking
The sacrificial lambs
Just for their beliefs
And just for their faith.

Ridiculing the good
Who would dare speak the truth
All for a hatred
No man can cure
And no murder can satisfy.

You could see it coming
From a million miles away
And the inability to act
Has condemned us all.

It all leads to something
As you follow the snake
From the tail to the head
And the head to the tail.

And it just might be
As simple as it looks
A long and drawn out death pageant
From now until the end.

The bottom feeds the top
And the top rots the bottom
Growing inside
One cell at a time.

You could not have dreamed it better
This long slow suicide
Bleeding out drop by drop
At first a trickle
And finally a flood.

I look to the horizon
And I can see the secret sun
Black as death
And burning us away.

Not much is left
To stop what is coming
Because many did nothing
And stood to the side.

Their hearts have withered
Because they loved position
More than people
And surrendered their principles
One day at a time.

There is no place left to hide
Once the rebels are crushed
As we stand against the wall
Condemned, slaughtered, and dead.

But count me, among the good
Even if I must lose
Because love is greater than death
And the Lord has conquered the world.

Dead Finger

Dead Finger 6/11/2013

You don’t come here
And expect to see the sun
Passing over our heads
Behind a thick gray soup.

And I did not sleep
Through the night
In order to waste the day
Even though I have
And will again.

What I was, is gone
Now and forever
But what I am
I was meant to be
Long before
I was born.

And it does not matter to me
If someone should follow
Or if they should go
But what matters is the process
Of imagining who you are.

Without curiosity
And freedom
What would we be?
Nothing but a sack of flesh
That shrivels up and dies.

We all search for meaning
And we all want to understand
But for some it is not enough
As they seek to possess
And control.

They do not rest
And they do not laugh
But neither can they build
Or create.

Their hell is all around us
And it creeps in every crack
Rising into the air
Like a poison gas
To subdue and kill.

Its tendrils like fingers
Reaching in our mouth and nose
To snuff out our life
One thought at a time.

But even this is not new
And it should not be a surprise
Because we always knew
Deep in our hearts
The lies from the truth
And the light from the darkness.

Evil men can lie and steal
And evil men can hate
But they will never grow
And they will never be great.

I can survive in the dark
And I can wait if I must
Because nothing lasts forever
And it is they
Who have lit the fuse.

All this and more
Shall all fall down
Breaking apart
And come crashing down.

In the meantime
I will set myself apart
And remember your words
Surrounded by their promise
And keeping them forever
In my heart
And on my lips.

The Exit Ramp

The Exit Ramp 6/10/2013

Its ok, if I don’t understand
Because someday I will
And its ok, If I don’t know
Because someday
It will all fit together
And then, I will smile.

At the end of the show
I have to go outside
And face the world
Indifferent, cruel, and cold.

And it doesn’t matter
What men may say
Or how well, they have spun
The wool over my eyes.

We will walk home
And watch all the people
As they show us the truth
Again and again.

I can see what they do
And I can see what they want
The opposite of what they say
Today, and tomorrow,
Just like yesterday.

You can see it
From miles away
As they keep doing the same thing
Predictable and dumb.

The good are bad
And the evil are good
All puffed up before us
And swaggering across the stage.

But all they do
Is shake up the bottle
And kick it down the street
Never acknowledging what they do
Or what it costs.

The lid comes off
As it always does
And then what will they say?
And what will they do?

Its ok, to make mistakes
As long as you admit them
And its ok, to be wrong
If you are strong enough
To change.

But some have dug a hole
And backed themselves into it
Desperately clinging to a lie
That was never true at all.

I can’t speak for them
And I can’t speak for you
But only in the now
Can I speak for me.

Nothing is better
Than living in the truth
No matter how much time
We have wasted
Or how far
We have strayed.

Pride has killed many
And it still lurks in our hearts
Watch it all around us
And see what it does.

It only hurts a little bit
To say that you are sorry
And men that never can
Will never learn a thing.

Here I am
And here are you
And today can be the greatest day
If only we can learn
And grow.

Refraction

Refraction 6/7/2013

Shine a light through a diamond
And tell me my dreams
Because nobody can guess
What even I
Did not make.

No one knows completely
The thoughts of another
Even though some may try
And some may guess
They will never know for sure.

The blood pumps through the body
And the air flows through the lungs
But thoughts move through our brains
Between memory, conscience
And soul.

My spirit moves freely
Inside and out
Flowing through me
On its way to somewhere else.

There is nothing brilliant about lying
And there is nothing intelligent
About resentment, hatred, and jealousy
Because a truly great man knows
That it’s not about him
But rather everyone else.

There is a gift in giving
And a joy in forgiving
A transformative power of rejuvenation
Nurturing the soul
And feeding the spirit.

What I do
Is ask
And what I believe
Makes it real
Making me more than
What you see
Immeasurable, uncontainable,
And free.

Eyes and Ears

Eyes and Ears 6/6/2013

It shouldn’t be a surprise
That men do evil
When they get everything they want
And never earned a thing.

Power corrupts
But men without a conscience
Are the worst of all
As they indulge their passions
Of hatred, jealousy,
And revenge.

And fear is the means
That changes everything
Because when men need money
Their loyalty is bought.

When your privacy is lost
Then everything you do
And everything you say
Is captured and recorded
For reasons unknown.

But even a fool should know
That it’s not about safety
Because how many can see?
That warnings go unheeded
Until after the murders
And after the bombs.

So what is the threat?
Of free thinking men
And what is the risk?
Of independent minds.

That is the question
That we must ask ourselves
As we decide
Who we are
And what we want.

Fear is a cancer
That grows on the inside
Slowly and silently
Killing us all.

Driving our thoughts and driving our words
As friends turn on friends
And even the strong
Succumb to depression, addiction
Or suicide.

But to lose fear
Is to live
No matter what happens
And no matter what is lost.

Hopelessness is the aim
Of the mindless drones
As they push every day
To control who we are.

I stepped out of the coffin
When I decided to live
And I jumped out of bed
The day I decided to believe
More carefree than ever
Without anything to regret,
Or lose.

Choose a path
That does not waste a day
Carefully considering
Where you go
And what you do.

Evil will be evil
Even though
They could change
But good shall survive
Through faith
And love.

Tree Tops

Tree Tops 6/5/2013

Some wander in the desert
And some run naked
Through the trees
But I had to climb a rock
Before I could ever understand,
Open my eyes, and see.

Things are not always
As they appear
And it takes more than effort
If your heart is proud.

When I tried to have it all
I was left with nothing
And when I gave up trying
Everything fell into place.

For some life if a chess game
And they carefully consider their moves
While others give into their emotions
And charge straight ahead.

But there is no perfect way
And there is no beautiful ending
If all you care about is proving
How worthy you are.

I have dreams
That may never come true
But I also have blessings
That I never knew to ask.

All around you and me
There is always joy and beauty
If only we stop, look
Accept, and pray.

It is now,
As I look across the tree tops
That I realize the truth
That I have lost nothing
And have everything I see.

Nothing has ended
And even now
We live through each other
Everything and everyone
Just waiting,
To return.

A Random Road

Random Road 6/3/2013

Some things are random
And some are easy
But many things are convenient
If you do not care
Who it hurts.

For them life is simple
As they drift through space
Using whatever they find
For everything they can.

But to care,
Is to question
And plot it out,
In your mind
Following every lead
And connecting every dot.

Even good things
Can sour and spoil
If the motives are wrong
And the goal is evil.

Circumstances can change
And many are those
Who go with the flow
Moving with the crowd
And wherever it goes.

And many are those
Who fear to see
Preferring instead
To hide behind a lie.

Turning away their face
And pretending not to hear
The elephant in the room
And the wolf in the bed.

But gone are the days
When we could pull up the covers
And make it all go away
Safe in our rooms
Protected and immune.

I also think of the past
Every now and then
And I also mourn for the world
That has all but disappeared.

I don't know why
The road has led me here
But here I am with you
And this is where we are.

We can be angry
Or we can be sad
But there is still more to gain
Than anything
We have lost.

But as we live
We can still choose
Either to play dead
Or sit up.

There is nothing to fear
Except for death
Unavoidable,inevitable
Eventual and black.

But if we shall die
Then we might as well live
Staying in the present
With all of our might.

Love is stronger than death
And good is greater than evil
No matter how it looks
And no matter how it seems.

No one is lost
Except for those who surrender
Destroying for themselves
What no man could take.

Pass around the cup
So that all of us may drink
One of many
And of many immortal.

We shall find the answers
When we need them the most
And we shall have all the strength
That it takes
To win.

Their certain victory
Shall all blow away
Gone in an instant
Because we lived
And because we tried.

The power of love is stronger
And how our hearts have grown
Ten times stronger
Than what we were
The day, that we first knew.