Thursday Morning

Thursday Morning 3/8/2012

I underlined the words
And wrote in the margins
Trying to make sense of wisdom
The kind, I hadn’t learned.

I thought I understood
And I thought I knew
But that was then
And this is now.

That innocence is gone
And rots in the grave
Dead and buried with my youth
Never to return.

The creeping doubts came
And made me second guess
Creating a double minded logic
That helped me, fool myself.

I was young
And I felt so alive
And I never hurt anybody
Because I only hurt myself.

I thought that I was immortal
And that I was immune
Safely inoculated
From the tragedy
That others feel.

The chances being so random
And the odds so slim
That we bet against logic
And run headlong into madness.

There is a strange attraction
That draws us to the shadows
Even though we know better
Than to wander in the dark.

Gingerly we feel out the risks
And then when nothing happens
We think that we are safe
Venturing into the unknown
Without any fear at all.

When we step in the snare
We are shocked and appalled
Because only then do we notice
How far we have fallen.

Looking backwards
We can see the difference
And the contrast
But by the time we notice
It is far too late.

People say a lot of things
And everyone is full of advice
But in the end
We are both the cause
And the cure.

They say
That men don’t change
And they say
That they don’t care.

But even the most insurmountable odds
Can be beaten
No matter how hopeless
Or how pointless.

Wisdom comes
And now we understand
That there is more than what we see
And more than what we know.

That it is better to know who to ask
Then it is to know it all
And better to give
Without expectation.

We try and we try
But once we have slipped
Maybe we will learn
That being good
Is better than appearing good.

I have tried
And I have tried
And still I struggle
Uphill and far behind.

The days go by
And there is always something
That reminds me
Of where I was
And where I am.

But just because the world is upside down
Doesn’t mean it will last forever
And just because the good suffer
Doesn’t mean there is no God.

Thought the brass ring
May hang high above
I can still finish strong
Worthy and true.

Today, I shall try again
And I shall never give up
Even though I doubt
And even though I fear.