Exit Wounds

Exit Wounds 2/14/2012

We all have feelings
And we all suffer pain
But not all shall go quietly
And not all shall fade away.

I know what it feels like
To seek eternal slumber
And pull the covers over
To forget about the day.

To know the pointless desperation
Of another wasted day
Unwilling to pretend another moment
That I ever cared at all.

I remember the blackness
And I remember the hole
That place of dark comfort
Away from the world.

It was there that I gave up
And retreated into myself
Without anymore love
And without any more pain.

But it was there
That I had to decide
Whether it be the end
Or another beginning.

To either die
Or live
And either give up
Or rise again.

There are always reasons
And there are always obstacles
With enough justification
To either stay or leave.

But in the end
It’s not about me
And everything I do
Effects everyone else.

My feelings are transient
And the suffering an illusion
Nothing but the death throes
Of a false sense of self.

We all feel sick
And we all want love
But what we need
Is something authentic
And more meaningful
Than dreams.

Any man can escape
But all men must pay the price
Sooner or later accountable
For every single debt.

Any man can cry foul
And any man can run away
But in the end
We either stand up
Or hide.

Staring into the setting sun
I said Damn the world
My face set like stone
And my eyes burning with rage.

I took a swig of whiskey
And broke the bottle on the patio
Just wanting to do something unequivocal
And something real.

I was looking for something
Something undeniable
Something that could not be argued
And not be analyzed.

Something that no one could manufacture
Or label
An undisputed measurement
Of who I really am.

Because that is what we do
We argue and we limit
Qualifying every belief
And compromising every inspiration.

Critiquing the lives of others
And defending the indefensible
While the cities burn
And the world is lost.

I consumed all I could
And I hardened my heart
Willing to kill
And ready to die.

I drank with the devil
And gambled with a demon
Screaming bloody words
Into a great white void.

But I didn’t find what I wanted
And no man can burn the world
Without burning himself
And dying in the flames.

Reduced to the terrors
And burning up with fever
Chilled to the bone
And crying out in pain.

Maybe they looked at me and wondered
And maybe they laughed at my loss
But I am larger than I was
And twice as determined.

As for me
I have made my decision
To take up my life
And live it truly again.

People are not options
And life isn’t multiple choice
Because nothing is more noble
Than to stand
And see it through.

The Bleeding Edge

The Bleeding Edge 2/10/2012

Sometimes you get what you want
And sometimes you don’t
But the older I get
The more I wonder
Which is better
And which is worse.

Even the most innocent are taken
And even the most guilty prosper
But faith has its own rewards
As mysterious as the deeps.

For those who have lived
And held the hands of the dying
Knowing how much it’s worth
For they pray for eternity
And can feel what it means.

What I never thought possible
Has happened
And all the eggs in my basket
Have all but disappeared.

I wish I could understand it
And I wish I could explain it
But there will always be things
That are senseless
And dumb.

The journey is the truth
And the truth is at the end
A pursuit and not a destination
Both a beginning and a solution.

To know joy is to gallop
With the wind in your hair
Over and under
And around
Full of spirit and fire.

To stretch out your heart
And take on the risks
Even though you are afraid
And have nothing left to save.

Yes the worst can happen
And catch us without warning
But so also can love
And so also can grace.

The burning edge travels
And drags hell with it
Bringing it into our hearts
To bleed us away.

But either way
Here we are
Linked together by words
Traveling the world
With invisible wings.

It is as good a time as any
To know who we are
To grab hold of our highest calling
And never let go.

Join me in the fray
Because life is for the living
And far better it is
If lived in the open.

There is nothing left worth fearing
Because life will happen
Ready or not
So we might as well be happy
And laugh along the way.

Tonight could be the greatest
Or tomorrow could be the end
But it is not ours to measure
Or our right to wager
What will or what may.

Ride along with me
Fearless and free
Because there is little left to keep
But so much to give away.

Depreciation

Depreciation 2/8/2012

If I lived it once
Than I shall say it again
That I had a great future
That is all behind me now.

Like so many others
And like so many dreams
We are cut off midstride
And crushed before we start.

A senseless world
Is an accident of fate
An evil influence
On unsuspecting minds.

Working its way in
And crawling into our minds
Like a parasite
Draining all our blood
And skewing our ideas.

We all want love
And we all want to belong
So we all fall into line
Meekly accepting our beliefs
From liars and frauds.

Not many grow to question
The man behind the curtain
Investigating their true motivations
And all the implications.

Distracted by the shiny objects
Dangled in our face
As the hand behind us
Draws a sharpened knife.

No one wants to be accused
As we see others attacked
So we hide behind the acceptable
And wait.

Fear is the enemy
And silence is death
Because without deliberate truth
We forfeit the future
We should have had.

A static world
Incrementally degrades
Devolving into a chaos
That accepts tyranny
And death.

For any great treasure
And any great privilege
Unappreciated and unattended
Withers and fades away.

Wasted, looted, and destroyed
Have been the greatest of wonders
Lost, forgotten and buried
In the inevitable sands of time.

So also am I
As I was walking in my sleep
Deluded into complacency
By my own easy comfort.

But a new day is here
And it has never been more clear
That to speak is necessary
And to act a necessity.

Vengeance

Vengeance 2/6/2012

Life and vengeance
Can be what we make them
Sweet as honey
When done with a smile.

It can be the truth
Forced down a liars throat
Or just desserts for the guilty
Poetic enough to immortallize
And pass down through the ages

It is the ability to maintain composure
Even when taunted and ridiculed
Surrounded by enemies
And attacked from behind.

The act of getting up
And going to bed
Patient through the endless days
That painfully stretch out
From here to Armageddon.

Putting one foot
In front of the other
And weathering the storm
With as much dignity and honor
As you can lift.

To smile when wounded
And stand when crushed
Holding your head high
Even when you are betrayed
And want to die.

All who have really lived
Know what it feels like
To be cut off unjustly
And left to bleed out.

But only the good
Shall come to know
And maybe even understand
What it means to triumph
Even in loss
And even with nothing.

To lose and remain undefeated
And bear the heavy burdens
Finishing what you started
Even though it hurts.

We are more than we appear
And every man has a killer inside
A cold dark place
That cries out for release.

Beaten down
And repeatedly denied
Screaming for blood
And begging for satisfaction.

That is the test
And that is the question
A decision for the wise
When, where and how.

Because someday
All this must end
The good and the bad
Settled at last.

To clarify the doubt
And pay off all the debts
Balancing the horror
With punishment.

We are marked
By our suffering
But even this too
Shall all pass away.

Because we suffer
Not only for our sins
But the sins of others
The good held up
And cut down to pieces.

It is time to be unbreakable
And it is time to inventory the soul
Searching out what is wrong
And making it right.

Time to confront evil
And stare it down
Unflinchingly
And without apology.

To make the tough choices
And do what it takes
Before the worst comes
And it is too late.

Bait and Switch

Bait and Switch

Diversion 1/3/2012

Cold is the silent death
That lurks beneath eternal ice
Frozen since before we knew
Under pressure and ready to blow.

Every man has secrets
And every man has a skeleton
Haunting the places
That he dare not go.

If we knew all
Could we face the day
And if we got what we deserve
Would we be here at all.

We search and we search
But never seem to find
When we should have known all along
And trusted in the truth.

We have gone far from here
And found many hiding places
But nobody knows for sure
What remains deep and buried.

We reach out to the heavens
And dig deep into the earth
But we still cannot weigh the spirit
Or measure the human soul.

But we have seen enough
Enough that we should know
But still we doubt
And still we ridicule.

We hedge our bets
And conveniently forget
Covering up the truth
Beneath the dust of time.

It is wise to be careful
And not be deceived
Because the biggest lie is coming
Leading us off a cliff.

They tell us to look through
The eyes of others
But neglect to see the truth
That the time has come
To see for ourselves.

A man must think of the future
And he must protect his children
Because the hatred and the horror
Is as real, as it can get.

A half a truth cannot save us
And half a life is not enough
Before the truth is hidden
And our future frozen solid.

A frozen lake is in our hearts
But life still lives below
Hiding the secrets
Where our eyes can’t see
Crouching in the darkness
The proof we cannot see.

When they say look up
Then you had better look down
Because behind your back
They have turned it all around.

Beware the discoveries
And beware the claims
For nothing is impossible
But all things are suspect.

If nothing else
Let us read the words
Of those we follow
Because the truth is there
If you want to see.

The void calls
And it is easy to fall
Off the cliff
And down the river
Like buffaloe for eating
And diamonds in the dirt.

Moonlight Madness

Moondust 2/2/2012


The moon is full of ghosts
Hiding during the day
And glowing in the night
Hiding secrets that no one knows
And pulling at the oceans
To cause the ebb and flow.

There are hidden places
And there are hidden motives
Hidden in plain sight
Dark and mysterious.

Silvered angel hair
Covers the ground
And all the possibilities of time
Converge in my brain.

For it is there
That the battle has raged
Long before I understood
And long before I knew.

From the deepest thoughts
To flights of fancy
My ideas have led to emotions
And emotions to action.

We are both connected
And disconnected
Separated from birth
But sharing a universal heart.

God has called us
But he does not force us
Because it is the choice
That makes all the difference
Between the one and another.

There can be no good
Without evil
And there can be no forgiveness
Without sin.

The souls of men have flown away
And reside in the secret places
Hidden from our eyes
But not beyond our touch.

The ancients knew
And they tried to tell us
But history is lost
By deception and feelings.

A cornered beast fights hard
And the decisive times have come
When there is no longer time to choose
Which side you are on.

The haunting moon knows
And speaks of the ages
Guiding me in dreams
To many forgotten places.

There is more than one kind of madness
And the truth is more shocking
Than what we can guess
Both for the good
And the bad.

But God has given us the message
And the Lord has given us the key
By flesh and blood
The passage to eternity.

Defiance

Defiance 2/1/2012

Took a long wordless walk
Just to think
And absorb the feeling
Back past the old haunts
Of concrete, steel and glass.

A lot has happened
And a lot has changed
Because I am not the same
And never will be again.

Gone is the man
Who woke up with a plan
And gone is the youth
Who woke up and cared.

That man full of passion
Who thought well of himself
Who dreamed about small things
And lived in his emotions.

He was a slave
Enslaved by the world
Without even knowing it
And lashing out irrationally.

Angry at all the indifference
And resentful of the smallest slights
Wasting all his energy
On useless argument.

Depending on others
To worry about the obligations
Because he was too busy
Wasting all his treasure.

Bored by the details
And lost in himself
Always looking to escape
And avoid all the pain.

Now I am different
And now I don’t care
Neither above nor below
But beyond.

Beyond the reach of angst
And numb to the cold
Unimpressed by their ambitions
And turned off by their pride.

The neglected buildings
Crumble and fall
Dripping rusting pieces
Onto the sidewalk.

Eventually they will disappear
And be replaced by the new
Fake glass monuments
That were only built
To sink.

It can take a long time
To truly know thyself
Coldly assessing all the damage
And connecting all the dots.

But it takes more
Than knowing how we fail
Because without renewal
Or learning
We just do it
All over again.

I had to lock away my heart
In order to keep it
And I had to kill all my pride
In order to survive.

You can never grow
If you never learn the truth
Not only the good
But also the bad.

Taking the slow and deliberate steps
To live in reality
And appreciating every moment
Of friendship and love.

Stepping off the treadmill
And forgetting the grid
Leading by following
And understanding the difference.

It is not about
Having every answer
And its not about
Winning every point.

It’s about making the effort
And never giving up
Knowing how to give
And knowing who to ask.