Night Owl

Night Owl  12/10/2013

Some nights

Are longer than others

And you toss and turn

Over and over again. 

Unable to sleep with your brain on fire

Racing with fevered thoughts

Too tired to rise

And too troubled to sleep.

I never look at the clock

Because what good would that do

As the bewitching hours

Fill me with dread, and loathing.

So much has passed me over

Yet so much doubt remains

As I force myself to keep going

And do it all over again.

Last night was a windless night

Black, sultry, and thick

The kids slept

But I was awake.  

My son sleeps peacefully

So young and full of life

With everything ahead

And nothing to regret. 

But the world he enters

Is fraught with danger

And hidden horror

Just waiting around the curve.

One mistake

Can cost you everything

And one miscalculation

Can burn you alive.

He can see things

That I can’t

And he knows things I cannot know

Still innocent enough

To imagine and dream.

He is trusting

And he is pure

As good as anyone could ever be

And so much more. 

He talked to Angels

And he saw my father

Saying goodbye

For the last time. 

But I am guarded

And I am wary

Looking in every direction

And watching every move.

Unable to see the forest

For the trees

And stuck on the details

Eating me alive.

For him life is simple

For me it is all consuming

As I worry about the future

And ruminate on the past.

What should I tell him

And would it ever be enough

About how precious is every smile

And how miraculous every breath.

God protect him

And keep him near

For this world is fallen

And spinning out of control.

Limping to the end

It drags its dead along

On another journey

Of tragedy

All over again.

We live

But never learn

And we talk
But never change

Still just as dumb

As we are afraid. 

God help me

To appreciate love

More valuable than ever

Priceless and divine.