Dark Matter Duality

Dark Matter Duality 9/28/2012

If my feelings had a color
Then they would be flat black
Just as dark as they are dull
And just as dead as they are depressing.

Yesterdays luster has all faded away
As the sun beats down
And bleaches out the skull
Leaving me all dried out
And empty.

A post apocalyptic refugee
Living out of the trash heap
That we call civilization
Still smoking and smoldering.

Deep down you know the feeling
When you awake
From a restless night
Fighting your exhaustion
As you shuffle through the day.

Dark matter is everywhere
But in between each second
A whole world awaits
Unseen and undiscovered.

We go because we must
And we live because we love
But inside we are thirsty
And hungry for more.

But the meaning we crave
Is elusive and hidden
Always beyond our reach
And but not our imagination.

The longing never ends
As we run out of ideas
Exhausting ourselves
And dead in our tracks.

There are no easy answers
And there is no one problem to blame
Because the worst is always there
Hand in hand
With our best.

But the best part still lives
That part the world cannot own
An indomitable spark
Belonging to God.

But all of us live
In dual worlds
One black
And one invisible.

We shall disappear
And come home
Slipping away
Into the light.

Past the black
And into reality
Beyond the tired
And the old.

The Hatching

The Hatching 9/25/2012

Born in secret
And hidden in the shadows
Taught in hatred
Far away
From you and I.

Planted, groomed
Watered, and fed
To supplant and destroy
From the inside out.

Who is to blame
When the truth is hidden?
And who is to account
When the truth comes out?

Some are silent
And some are threatened
Anything to hide
The secrets and motives.

The light of truth
Struggles to penetrate
When men are held
To different sets of rules.

A fraud and a liar
Will lie just enough
To get what he wants
And do what he must.

Bought and paid for
With hatred and contempt
With no history to judge
And no truth to criticize.

A pill for the foolish
And a placebo for the ignorant
With an empty heart
And an empty soul.

Nothing is more blind
Than the followers of hatred
Smiling as they march
On their way to the end.

But their envy and resentment
Cannot a great man make
And all the praise in the world
Can’t change the truth
Or summon a soul.

Shallow as the skim on a pond
The loyalty of appearance
And the folly of blame
Because in the end it’s up to us
To rise or fall.

The good have been set up
And sacrificed for nothing
As evil men plot in secret
To steal what is left.

Many will curse
And many will shout
At the betrayal of many
For profit and power.

Bought and sold for nothing
And led around by the nose
Told what to say
And told what to think.

Whom you can insult
And whom you can harm
As long as the beasts are fed
And blood is spilled.

But blessed is he
Who connects the dots
Knowing a man from his benefactors
And his heart from his hate.

Their plans shall come up short
And collapse in an hour
As the last bastion responds
From places unknown.

Destroying all
And laying them to waste
In one iron bolt of lightning
And a gigantic rod of death.

Look into the molten sea
And see the things to come
As pictures emerge from the shadows
Showing us the horde.

We have our hands
And we have our hearts
Now is the time to decide
For whom do we live.
And to whom do we serve.

Channeling

Channeling 9/24/2012

It took a long time to know
That I do not matter
That I am at best
Just a sack of dust.

Of no great importance
And of no great position
Nothing but an average slug
Trying to make it home.

But If only I had known this sooner
I would be far greater
A lot less wounded
And a lot more healed.

Caring more about others
Than I did about myself
I would have been more loving
And a lot less selfish.

Giving without expecting
Brings peace to the heart
Feeding the soul
And growing the soul.

But for some reason
I was not ready
Not before I had learned
And not before I had suffered.

Words are cheap
And even sacrifice
Can be a joke
When it’s all done
To gets something back
That we never earned.

Because even these words
Are not about me
And I am just a channel
Transferring thoughts.

An impulse courses through me
Like a spark down a line
Burning a trail of powder
On its way to the end.

Carving out the words
As they come to mind
And praying to know the difference
Between what I think
And what is best.

The truth is hard
But running away
Never works for long
And lying it just like killing yourself
In a million small ways.

I am given myself away
And I have never felt better
Because nothing is more important
Than truth.

The doors to the past
Have closed and cannot open
But I can still choose
Where it is
That I go.

My name does not matter
And my love for others
Is undiminished by distance
No matter when or where
I shall see them all again.

I don’t have to own
And I don’t need to possess
Not be the man
That I know
I should be.

In ten thousand years
You shall know who I am
And then I will be the person
That I am training to be.

Then all this will make sense
And then we will understand
With just enough time
And forever more

Just a little sting

Just a Little Sting 9/21/2012

What is it in our heads
That makes us hate ourselves
But never enough to change
And never enough to awake.

We live in dull depression
Or maybe it’s just me
Reeling from one day to the next
And running in place.

I have covered the miles
And I have suffered the wounds
But even though I grow
The world has ever changed.

I am detached
And I am desensitized
Immune from the shock
From what I see and hear.

I used to look away
Because it was easy to pretend
That none of it was true
And life would go on.

But no matter where I looked
Things just got worse and worse
And I tried to numb myself
And sleep it all away.

In the end you cannot embrace darkness
Because the end of it is death
Not when you still have faith
And a reason to live.

Life has started over
But I am still
A product of the past
No longer as unaware
Or innocent.

A part of me has died
Murdered in my sleep
Remembered only in pictures
One dimensional and perfect.

By some trick of the mind
Long after the pain passes
We only remember the good
And dream of reconciliation.

Even though I am stronger
And even though I have learned
I will never be that man again
And it hurts, just as much as ever
In a whole new and different way.

Only someone who has lived it
Could ever know this truth
But to whom do I share
What even I cannot understand.

I have asked
And I have prayed
But only God knows
When or how.

Everything has a beginning
And even this heartbreak
Must have an end
But where it will leave me
I cannot see or predict.

Time passes and beats us down
But my heart still longs
For all that I believed
And all that I knew.

I still love
But it is duller and guarded
And I still dream
That all is forgiven
And everything healed.

I can no longer follow my whims
And waste away the days
So here it is to forgiving
And long last looks.

I have written down the words
And slipped them under the door
Asking to understand
The unthinkable
And see everyone again.

If not now
Then on a better day
When time and disappointment
Mean nothing
And all we have is forever.

I will see them then
And everything will be known
All things said
And all wrongs forgiven.

Sawlog Survivors

Sawlog Survivors 9/20/2012

The whirlwinds came
And lashed against the walls
But still they stood
Year after year.

Howling winds
And bitter blizzards attacked
But still planks held
And remained in place.

The rains and the heat
Of countless summer days
Bleached out the wood
And backed in the sun.

But still the buildings stand
Relics and ruins
Haunting the conscience of a nation
Long forgotten
And alone.

They have been abandoned
But they are not forgotten
As I drove by endless mile
After endless mile.

Ghosts may fly in
And fly out
Holding on to the past
And refusing to let go.

With names unknown
And stories unremembered
Yet still they remain
Loyal and defiant.

It was here that they struggled
And it was here that they died
Building something out of nothing
Never willing to leave
Memories dark and dusty.

I have left
But a part of me remains
The strongest part
Unreconstructed and free.

God gave us a heart
And infused us with spirit
With hands to build
And the vision to create.

Many shall come
And many shall go
but even the masses cannot stand
Longer than truth
And longer than God.

So shall stand
The witness in the fields
Undefeated,romantic,
Haunting and perfect.

Ghost Flame

Ghost Flames 9/19/2012

A ghost flame is invisible
But it still burns the same
Cooking the flesh
And killing the nerves.

And you can’t see a man’s spirit
But just because you cannot see it
Doesn’t mean
That it’s not there.

It can burn
Either hot or cold
But still it lives
And still it breathes.

I am dead on the outside
But burning within
As my body grows tired
The spirit grows stronger.

A man who has tasted freedom
Will resist the yoke of slavery
And a man who has tasted death
Will cherish every moment.

The world drags us down
And divides us into parts
Breeding resentment and hatred
Every chance it gets.

Welcome to zero hour
And welcome to the show
Where nothing is at it seems
And the tail wags the dog.

The atmosphere is heavy
And weighs down on the good
Crushing us with obligations
And useless requirements.

Mobs roam the streets
And prey on the defenseless
But no one will tell the truth
About who or why.

The reasons are as obvious as the sun
The same as they always were
Furiously burning in the sky
And boring through space.

Others may lie
And others may apologize
But apologies are for the guilty
And political convenience.

Life without freedom
Kills the spirit
And crushes the soul
A fate worse than death
That lasts only a moment.

Fear and hatred last forever
But so also does love
Strong enough to tell the truth
And brave enough to fight.

Bored to Death

Bored to Death 9/18/2012

It is a rain day in the city
And a cold gray drizzle
Has darkened the day
Leaving the streets black and shiny
Wet and slick.

I plow on
And plug through a letter
Sending out e-mails
And read the news.

Nothing is new
And nothing is a surprise
Because everything that happens
Has been a long time coming.

My words are few today
Because all my friends are far away
Some of them living
And some of them dead.

So I set back and think
And wallow in my depression
Drinking coffee cup after cup
Trying to warm up my blood.

If you are open to hear it
Then I will give you my best
The unvarnished truth
As I have seen it
And as I have lived it.

But it’s not easy
And it’s not without risk
Because statism is king
And to resist it
Means ostracism and mockery.

You can hear the reaction
Before you even say it
As if it comes in a can
The same old hash
We have all had before.

Reflexively spewed
By the self proclaimed intelligent
So smart they are stupid
And so foolish they are dead.

They must hate something
Because they sure hate themselves
Condemning the future
With each safe assumption.

They love to cast aspersions
And they love to mock the good
Excusing all sorts of murder
Without blinking an eye.

A suicidal tendency
Must run in their veins
Because they seem to prefer madness
As long as it is easy
With someone else to blame.

Giving up their freedom
And giving up their past
Losing everything that matters
Their future, their faith and their name.

What a wonder to behold
The undeniable shallowness of man
Obsessed with the surface
And neglectful of the soul.

They can make up a story
But they will never hide the truth
At least not forever
Blessed but dumb
Self absorbed and dead.

Eyeliner

Eyeliner 9/17/2012

I could have died right there
Drowning in her eyes
Happily riding the whirlpool
Deeper and deeper
Until the end.

But smoke, mirrors and alcohol
Will do that to a man
Dragging us in
And dumbing us down.

Images, express feelings
And feelings excite our emotions
Piercing the heart, like a needle
Full of burning poison.

But we go anyway
Willfully flinging ourselves upstream
Only to fall backwards
Again and again.

No matter how wise of powerful
We are still
Childish at heart
As immature as we are noble
And as vulnerable
As we are strong.

We hold on to things
That have no value
Because of sentimental attachment
Pulling us like an anvil
Tied to our waist.

We look at the world
Through reflections
And we look at ourselves
As we wish we were
Following our desires
Like a moth to flame.

But I have gladly flung my heart
And I have happily watched it burn
As sweet as it is painful
And beautifully wasted.

Of Giants and gnats

Of Giants and gnats 9/14/2012

There is nothing worth more
Than defending those you love
And there is no greater folly
Than forgetting the past.

Animals roam
Looking for prey
But only the foolish wait
For them to attack.

A wise man does not seek
To subjugate others
But he will defend his beliefs
To his very last breath.

He does not murder the innocent
And he does not mock the truthful
Rejecting ignorance
At every turn.

It is one thing to live in darkness
But the greater shame
Is in the spreading of it
Crushing those who seek the light
Every chance you get.

Always attacking the defenseless
And always defiling the good
Man debased into savage
Ignorant and violent.

I shall make no excuses
And I shall make no apologies
Not for who I am
And not for what I believe.

Let the animals rage
For they are known
For what they do
And let the shadows gather
For this is all they have.

The day of reckoning is coming
And nothing shall stop it
Rolling back the heavens
To reveal the truth.

The curtains pulled back
And all the masks lifted
Reflecting the truth
In the hearts of men.

What would we be
If we did not face the threat
Nothing but self destructive fools
Blind and dumb.

No amry of hatred
Can every have a chance
No matter how many
And no matter how cruel.

Now is the time to awaken
And let the giant roll
Crushing all before him
Until they are no more.

Getting out of Dodge

Getting out of Dodge 9/13/2012

A cold wind sweeps across the plains
And the smell of cattle
Stings the nostrils
And nauseates the stomach.

The last time I was there
It was the same
Desolate, abandoned
Dead and cold.

You could feel the dirt in your teeth
And the sun could not be seen
Even though you can see forever
Nothing but endless nothingness
All around.

I drove by the old schools
Where I had spent my youth
Countless hours upon hours
Long ago and far away.

There was no future there
Not for me or anyone else
Even though there should have been
In the perfect world
That we almost had.

Sometime you don’t even know
All that you have
And sometimes all the blessings
In the world
Are as useless as dust.

The good guys become the bad guys
And pure evil gets a pass
Frontier wisdom
Wasted on the sons
Too gifted to worry
And too rich to want.

The past seems far away
But they understood
Better than me
And better than you.

Facing death every day
That had to scratch and claw
Just to eat
And just to survive.

They knew what to do
And they knew how to do it
Because no one ever did it for you
And no one ever should.

You had to fight
And fight furiously
To beat back the odds
Of nature, beast and man.

Justice had to be done
And often it was
Back when the truth mattered
And was settled
Under the sun.

The old house was built
And now its falling apart
A disintegrating ruin
Moth eaten and dry.

Where are they?
Now that we need them
Men of iron
Standing in the street.

Born and bred
In the heart of the heartland
In a place and a time
Long forgotten and dead.

I have left
But a part of me remains
Still standing
And waiting.

They can burn the brush
And they can terrorize the town
But every minute
The sun still rises
Higher in the sky
And closer to noon.

Shadow Box

Shadow Box 9/12/2012

Faces in the smoke
And the future in the water
Symbols and clues
To who we are
And what we will be.

Reflecting backwards
Everything makes sense
But like so many things
The truth is uncovered
After it is too late.

Even a small fire
Produces smoke
And where there is death
The smell shall linger.

I also wonder
At the foolishness of man
So full of vanity
That he can’t see his mistake
Or take notice
Of the end.

Still frantically trying
To live like he always did
Long after
The ships have sailed.

Busily crushing the good
Just for being good
While they praise
The weak
And the violent.

Tip toeing through a minefield
That they themselves created
All because they hate the truth
And themselves.

Self loathing is not new
And lying is as old as a fossil
Nothing new or special
About selling the rope
That they will hang us with.

We can go along for the ride
And coast downhill
Ending at the bottom
Of self inflicted wounds.

Some people can see farther
Because they know where to look
Remember where they have been
And who that they should ask.

And there is no need to read tea leaves
Or stare into a crystal ball
Because an animal is an animal
And God is God.

We aspire to greatness
But fail to exercise responsibility
Sleeping with the devil
And turning our back to the wolves.

But the lamb is stronger than he looks
And this time is for keeps
Riding high upon the clouds
With vengeance on his lips.

Matterhorn

Matterhorn 9/11/2012

Secret thoughts
And secret memories
Race through our minds
As we cradle life in our arms
And death in our heads.

We are tools
And compartmentalized machines
Each with a job
And each with a duty.

Dependent on others
But ignorant of the whole
Just a part of something larger
And horrific.

Used up and thrown away
We are a means to an end
Only as valuable as we are useful
And bribed with the status quo.

Our future is leveraged
And all our labors stolen
As oligarchs manage our decline
Profiting every inch of the way.

A civilization of suicide
Leaning forward into oblivion
Rotting from the inside out
Unrecognizable and foreign.

Teetering on the edge
Of self indulgent waste
Used up as collateral
For a debt
No one can pay.

But the good shall survive
Even in this
And even now
No matter what
And no matter when.

Though evil may dance in the street
And even though he may mock and murder
God shall snatch away his life
Gone in an hour
And never remembered.

Today is another day
And there are no surprises
As the paint starts to peel
We shall see the true colors.

A secret few
Will make all the difference
Larger than life
And stronger than death.

The Warren

The Warren 9/10/2012

Life is a walk down a hall
With doors on either side
And every time you open one
Another one closes.

Doors open and shut
Either by sliding or slamming
As we make our choices
Or as we fall idle
Someone makes them for us.

I could have been anything
But I am just a figurine
Walked down the hall by a giant hand
Laughing all the way.

There was the room
I used to live in
Where I indulged every whim
And was rotten to the core.

But I was tossed out
And the door slammed behind me
Leaving me with worms to eat
With no way out
And no way home.

Trapped in a room with no exit
Leaving me to feel my way
In a darkened room
Full of shadows.

Looking back across the thresholds
I am struck by the contrast
Some of them fortunate
But others full of heartache.

As painful now
As they were then
And I can still feel the ache
And painful desperation.

In one,I am naked on the couch
Strung out and shaking
All alone in a freezing house
And wanting to die.

In another I am with my family
Driving through snow covered mountains
Telling each other stories
And laughing.

In another I am waiting by the door
With a vodka in one hand
And death in the other
Burning with vengeance
And praying to be attacked.

Alone in the heart of darkness
And ready to defend my castle
All that I had left
With less and less and less.

Next I search the ruins
With a flashlight in hand
Inspecting my yesterdays
To salvage and remove.

Next I am here
Sitting at my desk
Unknown and unused
A secret waiting to happen.

A man inside a compartments
With more compartments in his head
Some secret and some public
Just drifting from one to another.

I may leave the room
Or just stay here forever
Because I am the same
No matter where I go
Or who I see.

I am the same as the little boy
Hiding behind his mom
Safely protected by a family
Long ago and far away.

Still the same
But altogether different
Built up by the good
And scarred from the bad
Transformed by wisdom
And saved by grace.

Urban Excavation

Urban Excavation 9/7/2012

I grew up
In a haunted house
And now I whisper
From behind the wall.

I am a puff of smoke
Drifting across the hall
In a stream of freezing air
Passing through the walls
And sinking through the floor.

I may come or I may go
But either way
I don’t really care
Because enough is enough
And I don’t scare.

This house is about to fall
Because its been rotting for years
From the inside out
And the bottom to the top.

Caked with dust
And thick with cobwebs
Abandoned, empty,
Lonely, and dead.

A Victorian castle
Ravaged by time
Full of secrets
And deadly truth.

Nothing is as beautiful
Than beauty left in ruins
Beaten, and weathered,
Haunting, and glamorous.

Heavy with the past
Half remembered and lost
A monument to man’s barbarity
Shrouded in fog.

Full of hidden knowledge
And rife with danger
A scintillating mirage
Of the way we were.

As good a place as any
To wait for the call
Ready to answer the slaughter
Of countless sheep
Over the wall.

I have all the time in the world
Time enough to live
And time enough to wait
Just waiting for something to stir
Rise and awake.

Broad Daylight

Broad Daylight 9/6/2012

The heavy lifting is over
And now I am tired
Barely able to stay awake
As my fingers
Punch at the keys.

I have given my all
And now here I sit
Resting my eyes
And letting it flow.

I hope these words
Find some ears
Before they dry up
Dead in my throat.

Spreading far and wide
And into divergent places
No matter what they think
Or what they feel.

Some search to learn
And some search to watch
But the words are bigger than the man
And the man
Doesn’t mean a thing.

I am here
Immovable
And unknowable
A mystery and a riddle
Just waiting to be born.

In deep dark places
Others think and plan
Far away from you and I
Yet so much closer
To the end.

There is what you see
And there is what you don’t
As we watch the one hand
The other
Springs to action.

Nothing could be clearer
And nothing more obvious
Than foolish pride
And suicidal neglect.

Heading downhill
In a irreversible dive
With little time left
To bail or die.

This is the question
And this is the hardest test
Because even the greatest glory
Shall come from blood.

You can spin it
Anyway which way you can
But the truth shall emerge
Between the fingers of the hand.

The sky is full of stars
And they watch us
Day and night
With more knowledge
Than we know
And more perception
Than we think.

Wisdom is the difference
Between learning
Where you should go
And what you should avoid
Who you should follow
And who you should fight.

All I can do is ask
And all I can do is write
One of many of the lost
Ready to come home.

Others may seek
Our head on a platter
But these veins carry more than blood
And this heart
Will never give up.

Look now
And do not forget
Because not every man gets
More than a second chance
And no man knows
What tomorrow shall bring.

The Peacemaker

The Peacemaker 9/5/2012

I could say anything
But that doesn’t make it true
And what I have lived makes no difference
If I never learned
How to love.

Its not about struggle
Because all of us try and fail
But rather it’s the motive
And the reason.

In this world there is hatred
The kind that you can feel
Burning from the eyes
And consuming the soul.

It comes from resentment
And it comes from blame
As we curse others
For all that we see.

But the difference is not blame
And it is not guilt
But rather it is our actions
Or inaction.

You can smooth out the path
And you can bury the truth
But you can always tell an imposter
From the look on his face.

Soon the mask will fall off
And soon he shall spend his fury
Laughing while Rome burns
And the armies march.

The air is thick with anticipation
As the days painfully pass
While we struggle harder and harder
To hold up the world.

There is something coming
A slow and creeping horror
As ancient meanings surface
About who and what we are.

A window has opened on history
But only for a time
As nations rise against nations
To plunder, murder and steal.

Say your payers
And pay attention
Because blood is in the water
And the writing is on the wall.

Everything Else

Everything Else 9/4/2012

We were born perfect
Uncorrupted and innocent
But then we opened our eyes
And knew.

We grow and we learn
And it helps when you are loved
Because we can forget the bad
As long as there is good.

I was far more fortunate
Than I ever knew
Because we always take for granted
Everything we have.

You could have told me all day
About what it meant
To be loved
But how could I have understood
What it was
I always had.

There was always the safety
Of family and friends
And there was always a net
In case I fell.

I could be as selfish as I wanted
And still never pay the price
Even though I was warned
I never saw the end.

Reality sneaks up
On the good and the bad
But it cuts deeply
The unsuspecting
And the careless.

It cut me in half
And there was nothing I could do
Because all the love in the world
Couldn’t stop the bleeding.

I thought I was caring
And I thought that I was giving
But I didn’t know a thing
On my way to harvest
That I never deserved.

We live off the fruits
That others have planted
And we stand on the shoulders
Of the dead, beneath us.

We read about suffering
And we read about sacrifice
But never do we realize
How patient evil is.

It waits in our hearts
And it sleeps in our heads
Just waiting for the right moment
To tear us to pieces.

Some men pretend they are strong
But they are the weakest of all
Because only the strong can be gentle
And the only heroic
Can be humble.

Always competing with each other
And always competing with God
Setting up our names
As if they mattered at all.

Aspiring to titles and awards
No matter what the cost
And always trying to wear
Someone else’s crown.

We pass along the praise
And we pass along the problems
Without the courage to question
Or the tenacity to confront.

I had to lose almost everything
To see the difference
And I had to shrink down to nothing
To ever know myself.

Yes we are a different creature
A strange and dangerous monster
Intelligent enough to know
And rebellious enough to kill.

Born with a hole in our heart
That longs for eternity
But, if only we knew
Enough to believe
That we are loved.

I hid myself
In a faraway place
Just as lost as I could be
But it was there that I finally knew
Who I was.

Little by little
We are coming home
And all that is lost
Will return
Ten times a thousand.

We will be together
And all will be forgiven
Everything understood
And everything healed.