Blood will tell

A better version 

Blood Sample    6/22/2017

Sometimes I think of dreams

And they become memories

Shifting from time to place

And scattered like pearls

At the bottom of the ocean. 

I did not know

All that I had

And now that I know

It is too late. 

Looking backwards

Across the dimensions

I can see, what could have been

Lost along the way. 

But even if I found it

What would I be now

A completely different man

In a completely different world.   

The self, shaped by events

Both happy

And sad
Fat or wounded

Sick or strong. 

Perhaps this is the best

That I ever might be

With nothing to offer

But blood on a page.   

Living and loving

Winning and losing

Each half a treasure

Waiting to be

Discovered. 

Turning and turning

To see the other side

I breathe deep on the shore

Spent by the struggle

Head above water. 

Wounded

But rich

In a way

That can’t be measured

The potential spirit

Unleashed, and unafraid.   

Regret hurts

But the longing

Is worse

Grabbing you by the guts

And pulling them out.   

I try

But in the end

It will never be enough

And so I just keep on

Sitting 

And bleeding. 

Each drop 

Squeezed out

The hard way

One beat

At a time. 

Approval and praise

They are nothing at all

Nothing but dangling carrots

For others peoples greed.

But God,

God is the truth

And shines above all

The one thing we cannot lose

No matter how hard

We try. 

I gave up

And I gave in

Tossing and turning 

Alone on the couch.

Nothing but a white worm

Crawling along a razor

With nothing left to lose

And no will

To fight. 

Sleeplessly sweating
Through a long dark night

In a haunted house

Of numberless dreams. 

Years have passed

Since that night

But it was then

That something changed

And something broke. 

Someday we will know

And someday we will see

At last fully understood

And fully free. 

Until then, we wait

And fumble in the dark

Chasing after mirages

And running from doubt. 

In a perfect time

And in a perfect place

None of this will matter

All forgiven

And all forgotten.