Clockwork

Clockwork           6/29/2017

Under the earth

And under the sea

Partially buried

And rusting away. 

The secrets of the past

Sunk in the deep

Hidden in the abyss

Dead and forbidden. 

Memory fights

Against forgetting

Crumbling with time

And willful ignorance. 

The powerful get away

Because of who they buy

And who they cannot buy

They intimidate or kill.

Assured of victory

They ride on high

Lifted by the ignorant

And the shallow. 

Paid off cheap

To jump and follow. 

Bought and sold

Like a herd of cattle. 

Covered by others

Despite obvious corruption

The creatures of the deep

And masters of deception. 

They stack the deck

And stage us a show

Just to keep it all going

For another day

And hour. 

But there is nothing

So well hidden

That it will not be revealed

Every single lie

And every single murder.

The wheels turn slowly

But they are turning now

Closer and closer

To the final call

Of truth and disclosure.

A sideways smile

Sideways Smile              6/22/2017

All out

And all down

In a single great effort

We try

And we fail.

Leaping up

Without stretched arms

Straining as far as we can

To grasp

And hold. 

Inside our head

It is the same

As we build thoughts

In buildings

That no one can see. 

I string the words together

And hope they convey

This feeling

Of exertion and emotion

Raw, painful,

And beautiful. 

The sheer blast

Of who we are

More than what you can see

And measure. 

That slippery

And illusory feeling

That passes in an instant

When time

Stands still. 

A scar upon memory

That never goes away

Long after dreams pass

And anger fades.

At full cry

The bloom is vivid

And the world beautiful

Breathtakingly perfect

And immortal. 

And that is why

I try

Even though

Words fail

And my fingers slip.

I drink it up

And I drain it down

All of it good

Rich, thick, and pure.

Everything we see

And everything we have

Will one day

Disappear

And dissolve.

But the gift

That precious spark

Burns forever

Even in heartbreak

And even in the dark. 

The flicker

Is in the blood

And now I feel it surge

Fast and hot

And dripping on the page. 

Living well

And living full

Finishing strong

At the top of the hill. 

Gravity has no power

And death no longer smiles

Already defeated

And already afraid. 

It is me that smiles

And it is me that bleeds

A full blooded ghost

With everyone I love

And everything I need. 

Blood will tell

A better version 

Blood Sample    6/22/2017

Sometimes I think of dreams

And they become memories

Shifting from time to place

And scattered like pearls

At the bottom of the ocean. 

I did not know

All that I had

And now that I know

It is too late. 

Looking backwards

Across the dimensions

I can see, what could have been

Lost along the way. 

But even if I found it

What would I be now

A completely different man

In a completely different world.   

The self, shaped by events

Both happy

And sad
Fat or wounded

Sick or strong. 

Perhaps this is the best

That I ever might be

With nothing to offer

But blood on a page.   

Living and loving

Winning and losing

Each half a treasure

Waiting to be

Discovered. 

Turning and turning

To see the other side

I breathe deep on the shore

Spent by the struggle

Head above water. 

Wounded

But rich

In a way

That can’t be measured

The potential spirit

Unleashed, and unafraid.   

Regret hurts

But the longing

Is worse

Grabbing you by the guts

And pulling them out.   

I try

But in the end

It will never be enough

And so I just keep on

Sitting 

And bleeding. 

Each drop 

Squeezed out

The hard way

One beat

At a time. 

Approval and praise

They are nothing at all

Nothing but dangling carrots

For others peoples greed.

But God,

God is the truth

And shines above all

The one thing we cannot lose

No matter how hard

We try. 

I gave up

And I gave in

Tossing and turning 

Alone on the couch.

Nothing but a white worm

Crawling along a razor

With nothing left to lose

And no will

To fight. 

Sleeplessly sweating
Through a long dark night

In a haunted house

Of numberless dreams. 

Years have passed

Since that night

But it was then

That something changed

And something broke. 

Someday we will know

And someday we will see

At last fully understood

And fully free. 

Until then, we wait

And fumble in the dark

Chasing after mirages

And running from doubt. 

In a perfect time

And in a perfect place

None of this will matter

All forgiven

And all forgotten.   

Blood Sample

Blood Sample               6/22/2017

Sometimes I think of dreams

And sometimes memories

Can become a dream

Lost like scattered pearls

At the bottom of the ocean. 

I did not know

All that I had

And now that I know

It is almost too late. 

Looking backwards

Across the memories

I feel for what I could have been

And lost along the way. 

But even if I had

What would I know now

A completely different man

In a completely different time. 

We are shaped by events

Both in winning

But also in losing

Through the suffering

As well the fat. 

Perhaps this is the best

And that is what makes me think

Bleeding out

On a blank page. 

I have lived  

And I loved

Losing and gaining

Precious treasures

Sparkling in my mind. 

Thrown on the rocks

I breathe deep upon the shore

Spent by the struggle

Head above water. 

The treasure is missing

But also inside

The kind you cannot measure

Steal

Or hide. 

Regret hurts

But the longing

Is worse

Grabbing you by the guts

And twisting. 

I tried

But even in trying

It will never be enough

And in the end

I still sit

And bleed. 

These words

Each one is a drop

Squeezed out

The hard way

One beat

At a time. 

Approval and praise

They are nothing at all

Nothing but dangling carrots

For others peoples greed.

But God is the truth

And shines above all

The one thing I cannot lose

No matter how hard

I try. 

I gave up

And I gave in

Turning over and over

Alone on the couch.

Nothing but a white worm

Crawling on a razor

With nothing left to lose

And no will

To fight. 

Sleeplessly sweating
Through a long dark night

In a haunted house

Of numberless dreams. 

Years have passed

Since that night

But something changed

And something broke

Split in half

And up in smoke. 

I am full

Even if wanting

And now I wait

Even when alone. 

Someday we will know

And someday we will see

At last fully understood

And fully free. 

Until then, we wait

And fumble in the dark

Chasing after mirages

And running from doubt. 

In a perfect time

And in a perfect place

None of this will matter

All forgiven

And all forgotten.    

Useless

Useless           6/21/2017

Useless as a dirty rag

Indifferently dropped

And then forgotten

Lost to time

Worthless and limp. 

That is the feeling

Much worse than hatred

To be forgotten

And wasted.

Some will hate

With searing intensity

But what is worse?

Than to be casually

Discarded

Like a Kleenex.

The feeling stays

With me

An invisible burn

Inside my head.

I cannot forget it

And though I walk

I am damaged

And reduced.

A worm

In the shadows

Of darkness

Dragging myself over glass

Slow and painful.  . 

Follow the razor

And maybe you might see

The stunning reality

For you

And for me. 

That in the end

To them

We are nothing

Nothing but a commodity

And a burden. 

Praised when needed
And jettisoned at will

The individual reminders

Lost along the way. 

Kept lowly

By the gatekeepers

And the fake elite

Managers instead of leaders

One dimensional cutouts

Venal and dim.

People keep talking

But all of it

Is nothing

Sinking deeper and deeper

Into dust. 

Measuring this

And measuring that

We track and we grow

All of it useless

And dead in the snow. 

Once I dreamed

And once I planned

But all of it was a lie

And all of it a joke. 

Nothing but

An evaporated mist

Rising up

And blown away. 

We live

And we lose

Unaware

Of the meaning. 

Slotted in

And slotted out

In an ever tightening

Channel

Heading for something

We do not understand.    

Unprepared and unaware

We do not know

Who to ask

And what

To believe.   

But even in loss

The good still win

Because they know who

And they know how.