Sundial

Sundial                                          1/26/2016

If I had only known

I would never have cried

Subsisting on flat line

Of comfort and pride.  

But once we try

We either learn or die

Drawing back our hands

Burned and bloody.  

It isn’t easy letting go

But even then

The past follows behind

Softly whimpering in our ear

Calling us backward.

Pulling at our heart

And sapping all our strength

The old and familiar wounds

Always a part of me

And you.

The old wounding words

Always hurt the most

Ever fresh in our minds

And repeating on a loop. 

Breaking free is hard

And it takes constant effort 

Lest we continually fall victim 

No matter how far we travel

And or how long we live.

Even the hurt can feel safe

If you don’t know better

As we cling to the familiar

Psychologically entangled

Unconscious and dumb.

Wearing down our feet

On a well-traveled path

Effortlessly fitting in

The ruts in the road.

Physical, mental

And spiritual

The unseen assault

On body and mind. 

Interdependent and invisible 

The psyche and the brain

Poisoning our body

From the inside out.

The curtain has fallen

If you know where to look

Revealing at last

The collusion and deception.

Rigging everything,

For fun and profit

Hidden in the dark

Where we cannot see

And cannot know. 

With a thumb on the scale

They divide up the loot

Skimming off the top

And laughing all the way. 

Shameless and brazen

Oh how the masks have fallen

More obvious than ever

The game of the few.    

A new high for a new low

As we descend into hell

Fighting for survival

Against ever increasing odds.

The gates are open

And the lid comes off

All of it on purpose

Everywhere you look. 

But as time runs out

Speed becomes 

Of the essence

More and more poisonous

In a flood of hate.

A race against the clock

Doing all they can

Unopposed and ever more obvious  

The horrific embodiment 

Of death.  

  

Double Shot

Double Shot                             1/21/2016

Chaos comes

Death steals

Faith saves

And love heels.

The living doubt

The dead know

Laughing at us

Holding on

As they let go.

The truth is a cure

Which is why we run

Grasping at anything

To stay as we are.

We give

Just to get

And we love

Out of need

Wasted, empty

We fall and bleed. 

Ghosts dream of bigger things

While we look at dust

Traveling faster

And going farther. 

It is tragic

That we forget

But it is a horror

That we suffer again. 

Nothing is solved

As we run in circles

Proud, indolent

And hopelessly devolve.

Angry over the past

And anxious about tomorrow

We fail to experience

The here and the now. 

Unwilling to choose

The treasure we have

But flail instead

At the nothingness we want.

Because we cannot decide

The world chooses us

Dragging us downstream

Easy, stagnant, and dead.

The fence we sat on

Rots away

As we fall down

The path of least resistance

Without knowing at all. 

I made up my mind

And that was enough

The choice now

As it was then

Obvious as the sun. 

Blessed are those

Who persevere

Easy or hard

Loyal to the end.    

Gulag style

Ready or not                                           1/15/2016                                  

I saw the snake

And the snake saw me

So I cut off its head

And threw it away.

The match hits the powder keg

And it’s all blown away

Everything we knew

Gone in a day.

Long ago infiltrated

And long ago dead

The dried out husk

Collapsing inward

And burned away.  

Sleep not with a snake

Lest you be bitten

Convulsed in pain

Foolish and dumb.

A predatory reptile

That does what it does

Always watching

And waiting.  

The beasts are no different

And you can see it in their eyes

Increasingly brazen

And out for blood. 

Bolder and bolder

They no longer conceal

Who they blame

And wish to kill. 

Beneath the surface

The greatest horror transpires

Changing hands, and changing places

The means and the plan.

Cut, beaten, and savaged

The good are slaughtered like prey

Blamed  by the guilty

With a smile on their face. 

Come down the fire   

And consume them all

Trapped by their lies

And covered in shame.  

It does not matter

Who fears death

Because it comes anyway

The moment of which

No man can say. 

And some may not

But some others will

Unafraid of terror

And willing to

Warm Leather

Warm Leather               1/15/2016

Warm leather

And cold glass

Sticking to

And holding on. 

Looking backwards

I can see it

Viewed through Vaseline

Soft, fuzzy

And beautiful.

The steam rose

Encircled her face

As we huddled over coffee

So many years ago. 

Leaning forward in a black turtleneck

Her siren lips moving in a whisper

Better than perfect

Through a sideways smile.

We wandered through bookstores

And poked through antique stores

Hunting for treasure

Hidden and unique.

We didn’t know

And we didn’t fear

Half asleep

And unaware.

Brought together by something

Far stronger than we knew

But we chose to live it out

The wrong way around. 

It was then that I felt it

In the perfect dead center of the world

That we ruled the day

And we ruled the night.  

Blessed with a gift

And rich beyond measure

It was all wasted on the young

And unwise.

I thought I knew it all

But I didn’t know a thing

Barely scratching the surface

On what was

Or might have been. 

The film ends

And the tape runs out

No matter how perfect

Everything remains

Stilted and flat.

All of it nothing

Like me

Right here and right now

Meaningless and purposeless.

We all see differently

And we all go on

Afraid of the dark

Still just as deluded

The long way around.

There is no

Long lost love

There is only the choice

And the cost.

Flattened and captured

In a single bit of crystal

Oozing between my fingers

And spinning in my head. 

None the wiser

We still try

Still trying to grab

Little puffs of smoke.

I don’t know why

And maybe that is the answer

I tried

And that’s enough. 

five minute poem

Five Minute Poem                      1/14/2016

If I wrote in five minutes
What is it, I would say?
Except that life is beautiful
And deception unkind.

Living hurts
But in dying
We have no choice
And it won't matter how
Or when. 

We do not get to choose
Who or where
But here we are
Stuck together. 

You can't pick your parents
But they never picked us
We were and we are
Bound by something
Invisible.

A silver string binds us
The people I know
And the ones who read
Against all the odds of eternity
We share and think. 

There must be more
And there must be a plan
Because chance is never enough
And never was at all. 

Doubts come
And fears rise
Coming at us, in all directions
Distracting us
And wasting our time. 

If I loved
Then I made a mistake
But I cannot change it
And it doesn't matter now. 

I made a choice
And I lived it through
Even when it hurt
And even when I bled.

The seconds tick by
And my hands fly 
Across the key board
My brain barely ahead
Open and free.

I pray for wisdom
And I pray to understand
Holding on and letting go
Each in its own time.

This is no accident
That we loved
And it is not a dream
That I have lost.

A line is crossed
And we open up our hearts
An imperceptible step
Irreversible and complete. 

We reach out
Knowing the risk
And no matter how much it hurts
We keep going
And keep trying.

I have not forgotten
And I have not giving up
But rather I set myself apart
And look backwards
Over my shoulder.

I choose to let go
And I choose to let live
But right and wrong remain
Changeless and true.

I have been lucky
And I have been cursed
Squeezed dry
long before
I ever knew to ask. 

It no longer matters
If I get anything back
Because I do not do it for me
But rather for someone else
Far greater than I. 

I pray for many
And I pray for the dead
Just as present now
As they were then. 

One day
We will see
And one day
We will know.

All understood
And every wound healed
Completely free
And truly alive.  

Bewitching Hour

4 am                                               1/13/2016

You could weep

Or you could run

But if you live in a dream

You will never know for sure. 

How many times?

Did we run to the ledge

Closer and closer to the fire

Without getting burned. 

We have danced

In and out

And we have laughed all the way

Standing on the shoulders of others

Long gone away.

It was a comfort

And it was easy

To waste the day

And waste the night. 

Living in the glow

And indulged by the gift

The soft and the dumb

Asleep at the wheel. 

We listened to a lullaby

That was never true at all

Nothing but pawns

To use and to sell.     

Oblivious to the beasts

Chained in the deep

Kept at bay

By the vigilant

And the strong. 

But in the night

Someone let them go

Sneaking them in

Out of hatred

And envy.    

Shrouded by lies

They crouch in the shadows

Watching and waiting

For a leg or an arm. 

Many are still asleep

Their minds soft

And their necks supple

Sacrificed to terror

Unfathomable and cruel.    

Better to see it now

Than it is to deny

Caught in the night

And caught in a lie.