Two Decades

Twenty One Years                    4/28/2017

Things were different then

And I lived with an urgent intensity

And everything I felt and saw

Was exciting, vivid, and raw. 

The highs and the lows

Tossed me about

As if a stormy sea

And I felt ever swell

Sweet and salty.

But with time

Things change

And if we are lucky

We grow to understand

Discerning wisdom

From recklessness and fear. 

I didn’t know

And I hadn’t learned

The value of patience

And the power of prayer.

Unaware of the perfection

That sometimes means

Saying nothing at all

Listening rather than speaking

And accepting

What we can’t control.

With time and distance

We can examine the scars

And see from the burns

Where we flew too high.

It is then we begin

The journey

Of the long night of the soul

And see stimuli, perception

And reaction. 

Some times

We make mistakes

And sometimes

Others do as well. 

But how we take it

Looms ever larger

That what is done

Or said. 

As we become

Ever more mindful

Of all possible perspectives

And limitless potentialities. 

That is the victory

The day we turn it over

Taking all the pain

And flipping it over!   

Blood Test

Blood Test             4/26/2017

Every day

We inch a little closer

Always on the run

Out of breath

And under the gun. 

The ground falls away

And we have nowhere to stand

Now that its spread

All across the land. 

An incurable disease

Of willful negligence

The guilty few

Full of pride

And intransigence. 

We crawl across a razor

But can’t see the truth

Because truth is a crime

Forbidden and unspeakable

Deep down you know

And what you see is reality

Outside and inside

Down the hill

And over the line. 

Many live in fear

Because they dare not share

For loss of reputation

Or livelihood.

Self-censoring

They live in a lukewarm bath

Gradually heated

And cooking us alive. 

Impossible is the future

Of constant control

Continuously supervised

From the cradle to the grave.

Endless as the propaganda

And tepid as a half truth

The good weakened

And the weak

Emboldened. 

Once I thought I had value

And once I thought I was worthy

But it took a long time to know

That I was nothing but a dirty rag

Used up and thrown away.

Wisdom did not come easy

And it didn’t happen over night

Dying to self

A little more

Each and every day.

Words can heal

But they can also injure

Creating invisible wounds

That never heal. 

Always oozing blood

And sapping our strength

The scars and memories

Indelibly imprinted

And seared.

I remember how it hurt

And I guess I always will

But I also remember

What I have said

And all that I have done.

What I want

I give away

And what I desire

Returns with time

Perfect and free.

All of the hurt

Is only hurt

But what we have

Is the gift

Ten times

Ten thousand.

Give it now

To whomever will receive

The blessings you have

Flowing through

An eternal spring

Of living water.    

Starfire

Starfire                     4/24/2017

Sometimes memories

They are just too heavy to lift

And dreams well

They are only dreams.

Nothing but dazzling snowflakes

Spinning in our imagination

Gossamer perfection

Too perfect to touch.

Half asleep

And half awake

The words come

Even though I forget

Before I write them down.

Beauty is everywhere

But only the mindful

Can see

The gifts of God

Pure, perfect and free.

I have had it all

And I have lost

More than I remember

But what we have is precious

And irreplaceable. 

There is a reason

That the words flow

And there is also a reason

That they are read. 

Larger than me

And larger than the world

The gift spreading outwards

In ten thousands directions. 

Welling up inside

We must let them out

Even if we never see

Any impact

Or meaning. 

God knows

And he will make us full

One day all of us

Feasting forever. 

Kick and Flip

Flip                     4/20/2017

Even if loss

There is beauty

And even in rejection

There is laughter.

We see the good

Or the bad

Based on the heart

Turning over even defeat

Into sweet victory.

I didn’t know it then

But there were many things

Hidden from view

As I reacted without thinking

Either angry or sad.

I had to let go

Of many cherished things

And I had to swallow hard

Forcing down chunks of glass.

It hurt

And it hurts

But not every day

As I slowly learned

How to walk

And how to breathe. 

In time

All things fall

Into place

Once we learn

Who to ask.

It didn’t come fast

And it didn’t come easy

But in patience all is returned

And all is known.

Happiness happens

And we rejoice

In the smallest

Of victories.  

Comforted by the knowledge

That only comes with contentment

As we lay down in bed

At peace with the world

And at peace with ourselves. 

Turn it over

And see how it looks

Viewed from the other side

Where our choices matter

More than ever before.

We are the critical piece

And we alone possess the power

To change and grow

In life and love. 

Ask

And ask again

Because he who waits

Also knows.

Nada

Nada                  4/20/2017

Out on a limb

With the weight

Of the world

Must stronger

Than a twig

Dark and depressing. 

Sunken into dirt

We lift up the rocks

As long as can

Against the grain.

When there was hope

We could lift mountains

Even in uncertainty

And even with nothing.

But now we look

And find hopelessness

Scanning the landscape

Of addiction

And despair. 

Nothing but empty buildings

And garbled words

All conversations alien

And Unintelligible. 

No more Christmas lights

And no more Halloween

As the standards fall

And traditions fade.

Strangers in a strange land

Out of place

And out of time

Unwanted reminders

Of what was.

Unwelcome

And vilified

The always demeaned

And easily attacked.  

Lining their pockets

And managing our decline

The pretenders of fortune

With blood on their hands. 

Enriched by suffering

And protected by walls

The gatekeepers of influence

High and mighty. 

Helping their friends

And punishing the truth

We see only in part

While others laugh

And gloat. 

Vision is limited

But helps to search

As long as you are ready

To learn

And to know. 

Once you make the leap

There is no turning back

The view behind the curtain

Terrifying

But true.