She left her clothes
In the drawers
And her letters in a bag
All of it severed
And all of it gone.
The air and the dust
Became heavier
And my throat dryer
Ever since that day
Many miles ago.
I didn’t want to say goodbye
Even if I knew
There was no choice
A strange and painful feeling
Haunting my memory.
She got the clean slate
But I got the ghosts
Roaming through the house
Rattling the knobs
And climbing the stairs.
I slept with her sweater
Until her scent was gone
Even though it was useless
And even though it hurt.
The past is ever present
Even if banished from our minds
And that is something
I never mastered
Out of place
And out of time.
For her it was easy
Just another page
And just another chapter
One character killed
And another added.
These are the things
That we do not know
The other part of emotion
We cannot see
Or understand.
Cut off from view
In a walled off estate
Viewed only through dense shrubs
And guarded by dogs.
It all goes on
And she smiled
As if nothing had happened
Even when I was doubled over
Haunted by her ghosts.
In the end, I was dead
And naked in the morgue
Staring up with lifeless eyes
And covered by a sheet.
Nothing but a nuisance
To be fleeced
And used
A mere beast of burden
Sold for a song.
To look backwards now
Is to know the foolish loss
Angry at the potential
Wasted on the way.
The worlds wobbles
And life goes on
Long after we have given up
And twist in the wind.
They go through the motions
And pretend that they are good
Pious before the world
But cruel to the loved.
I really did try
And I really did pray
But even then, I was asleep
And not fully mindful
Of my own emotions.
The world is fractured
And the world groans
Under the weight
Staggered by the loss
By deception and hate.
Today I have decided
That I will finish it strong
Choosing love
Even if it hurts
Every single day.
Staring down
Dead level ahead
Protected by faith
And guarded by prayer.
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