The middle man 08/26/2010
Young men are impatient
And old men long for youth
But I just dream of normalcy
And the sweet sighs of safety.
If I ever lived
It was in two parts
One in which I was safe
And one in which I die.
We pursue shallow things
And drive here and fly there
But no matter what we do
There we are.
Before I can even understand
I shall be stooped and beaten
If I don’t die first
I shall be but a shadow.
The past seems ghostlike
Surreal and far away
A strange beauty half remembered
As the shadows lengthen
And I stare at the ceiling.
I keep on knocking
But no one ever answers
Every single day
And every single night
I keep on asking
But have no answer at all.
God says to keep trying
And I did try Lord, yes I really did
God said to keep on knocking
And ceaselessly I will.
It isn’t about my justice
That is not what I want
But God’s justice
He who sees the truth
And he who knows the reasons.
The weight of time like a mountain
Crushes me to pieces
And the silence is deafening
All alone in the world.
No one asks, and I tell no one
The spark comes
When I am half asleep
And when I try to write it down.
They fly away like embers and ashes
High above my head.
They come in perfect phrases
As I turn in my bed
In yet another sleepless night
Of anxious desperation.
In my thoughts I rise again
To knock upon the door
I knock and knock some more
And pray again and again.
The voice I once heard
Now I cannot hear
And I feel so very alone
As if the words mean nothing
Unused, unknown and unreturned.
My horror is clear
I can see it in the moonlight
But others cannot see
And still they sleep.
A scribe does not claim credit
He only puts on paper
What others have said
And the flame still inspires
But darkly in my soul.
The glass is smoky
And the fire is deep
But I live covered in ashes
With nothing and no one.
Young men are impatient
And old men long for youth
But I just dream of normalcy
And the sweet sighs of safety.
If I ever lived
It was in two parts
One in which I was safe
And one in which I die.
We pursue shallow things
And drive here and fly there
But no matter what we do
There we are.
Before I can even understand
I shall be stooped and beaten
If I don’t die first
I shall be but a shadow.
The past seems ghostlike
Surreal and far away
A strange beauty half remembered
As the shadows lengthen
And I stare at the ceiling.
I keep on knocking
But no one ever answers
Every single day
And every single night
I keep on asking
But have no answer at all.
God says to keep trying
And I did try Lord, yes I really did
God said to keep on knocking
And ceaselessly I will.
It isn’t about my justice
That is not what I want
But God’s justice
He who sees the truth
And he who knows the reasons.
The weight of time like a mountain
Crushes me to pieces
And the silence is deafening
All alone in the world.
No one asks, and I tell no one
The spark comes
When I am half asleep
And when I try to write it down.
They fly away like embers and ashes
High above my head.
They come in perfect phrases
As I turn in my bed
In yet another sleepless night
Of anxious desperation.
In my thoughts I rise again
To knock upon the door
I knock and knock some more
And pray again and again.
The voice I once heard
Now I cannot hear
And I feel so very alone
As if the words mean nothing
Unused, unknown and unreturned.
My horror is clear
I can see it in the moonlight
But others cannot see
And still they sleep.
A scribe does not claim credit
He only puts on paper
What others have said
And the flame still inspires
But darkly in my soul.
The glass is smoky
And the fire is deep
But I live covered in ashes
With nothing and no one.
Traveling accross the same grooves
Over and over again
The curse of loss
The curse of loss
And the agony of memory.
My want is ever before me
And my name is shamed again
So still I lift up my bloody hands
And knock again.
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