I see her now
Through the glass
With smudged makeup
And tangled flowers
Her eyes closed
And lips parted.
A strange vision
Distorted by time
Like so many others
Fragile and smoky.
I do not know
How I should feel
As yesterday grows
Ever more distant
And poignant.
Did I really even know her?
And did I even really try?
Taking her
And everything else
At face value
And completely for granted.
Flattened memory
Viewed through time
Trapped in transparent amber
And floating in space.
I wake up
And I cannot breathe
Uneasy in my own skin
Shaky and alone.
My mind racing ahead
But also lagging behind
Almost never in the now
And losing everything.
I almost made it
And now I wonder
Where I am today
Am I sleeping still?
Or just afraid of my shadow.
It seems like a dream
The previous lives
Spreading out ward
Like rings on a tree.
Life goes on
Where we are placed
Plucked out of one reality
And dumped
Into another.
If I had won
I would have just kept on
Doing what worked
Unthinking and unwise.
But when you lose
You must reconsider
Unless you are crazy
And cast to the winds.
I had to think it through
And pick up the pieces
Even though they were sharp
And cut my skin.
Analyzing who I was
And what I had become
Miserable and lonely
And desperately afraid.
I wanted to keep sleeping
And wake up
When it was over
Preferring the dark comfort
Of mindless oblivion.
But oblivion is a choice
That no man can live with
A endless nightmare of horror
And addiction.
Killing you slowly
One millimeter at a time
As you take everything with you
In a black hole of death.
It is painful to get up
And it can hurt to try
Feeling every pain
And every anxiety.
A harsh way to awaken
But the only way to go
If you really want to live
And love again.
The world is not the same
Because it is deader than ever
Almost completely taken over
By barbarity and greed.
But we
We are can still save each other
If we learn to question
And walk it through.
It hurt
And I thought I might die
But the longer I tried
The more I wanted
To live.
This is nothing
But eternity is everything
So we can either choose to risk
Or give up
And wither.
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