Valentines Day Massacre

The dreamer 2/14/2011

There is nothing worse than shame
When your name means nothing
And you feel like trash
Without any money or hope
And you are all alone.

Its makes you think
And travel backwards in your mind
Remembering your own words
And eating every single one.

You think of the future
And it makes you afraid
About what can happen
In a blink of an eye
And about the sudden horror
That takes everything you love.

There is nothing quite so painful
As having to beg and borrow
Making excuses for just another day
Or anything just for peace.

It makes you want to give up
And it makes you want to run
Diving into a deep black hole
And never coming back.

There are those who live in glass houses
And there are those who love to pretend
But they live on borrowed time
And thrive on the grace of God.

I too have lived
And I also have loved
But I have lost so much
That it’s painful to remember
What it means to breathe and laugh.

We are not half as important
As we think we are
And our times are not as unique
As we imagine.

To the world we are just a number
Something to categorize and use
A machine whose value is money
One that will expire, break down and die.

We are not loved as much as we love
And no one wants a man in need
For they listen only to take
And they give only to steal.

Only God listens
And only God loves perfectly
Never giving up
And never giving in.

He never tires
And he never runs
But waits with open arms
Ready to forgive
And laughing with joy.

They say that we are like his children
And I cry out his name in the night
Save me from this horrible ruin
And make me whole again.

Raise me up out of the ashes
And help me to change
To grow into a good enough servant
And be a worthy man.

Revelation

An untitled revelation 2/11/2011

Some moments last longer than others
And some seem to last forever
Echoing throughout our lives
Often revisited
But never reconciled.

Feelings of guilt and regret
Remain frozen in our minds
Growing and multiplying
Lest we forget.

The new man is like the old
But no man living can remember
And many are led astray
To see what they want to see
And have what they want to have.

But the truth is the same
And nothing we see can change it
Because we have already read the warnings
But are too tired to fight.

Evil never gives up
And even the fallen
Long since disembodied
Live now as men
Inhabiting the vacant
And deluding all they can.

Changing with the wind
And afraid of the truth
Architects of ruin
And destroyers of men.

The world teeters on madness
And random thoughts beguile our hearts
As we drift in boredom
To destinations unplanned.

There are many who knew
But even they grew weary
For even the good are human
And are weak for food.

We all need love
And we all need meaning
But deception rules the world
And many die unsung.

You can see the clouds
And you can hear the thunder
But not all seek shelter
And not all shall survive.

We are human
And all hearts can be heavy
But it is what we do
When we are lonely
That will matter in the end.

Not all promises are good
And all paths do not lead to God
But man just makes apologies
For all the wrong reasons
And at all the wrong times.

The guilty never think they are wrong
And evil always blames something else
Hiding in the shadows
Behind a mask
Or behind a bomb.

They cry out against Gods people
And we think they are the same
But man gets what he deserves
And fools vote for oppressors.

Evil is growing
And men in high places
Only worship themselves
Basking in false glory
While the good toil and suffer.

They tell us we are Gods
And they tell us to look inside
But all they see is vanity
And all they know is hate.

They say they fight for honor
But there is no honor in their murder
Nothing holy
And not a single martyr.

God looks down
At what he has always seen
And what he has always known
A drawn out pageant of death
As the devil claims his own.

We have tasted of the glory
But impatience has worn us down
Tired of the obligations
We fall for almost nothing
And wither on the vine.

It is hard to hold the line
When you have nothing left to give
And it’s hard to say no
When they know your every dream.

We all have weaknesses
And evil men know them all
Anything to look good
And anything to win.

We travel far in pursuit
Of what we never had
Always trying to recapture
What we think is missing.

The sun can shine
Even in winter
But not everyone can walk
And not everyone can smile.

There are things
That are wrong
And God would never lead us
To act against his word
And live against his laws.

We cannot believe in part
For it is true or it is false
And nothing evil can ever live
In the world that is to come.

No amount of lies
And no amount of pretending
Can ever change the truth
Or make it go away.

Even though we die
Those who believe shall live
And even though we suffer
We are not the first
And this is not the end.

Death of a Good Man

Transitions 2/8/2011

In memory of LT

Life is full of chances
And chances are full of meaning
As if anything is purely random
That we breathe
And survive.

We don’t always think
About how lucky we are
Eternal beings immersed in life
Transient souls
On a journey through time.

We are born against all odds
At a specific point in time
Struggling to walk and learn
Unique and dependent.

Our parents chosen for us
In a cosmic game of numbers
With a result wholly different
And one of a kind.

We share the building blocks
But each have a different soul
A mere vessel for the spirit
To come and flow throughout.

One day someone knocked on your door
Out of all the places
And out of all the times
A man connected by the thinnest of dreams
A messenger with a prayer.

Just down Old Peachtree
In another house
I moved in
Without any reason
And without any plan.

I never knew what it felt like
To have God fill my heart
As I was busy putting up pictures
And painting all the walls.

It was the same year
That I got married
And it was the same year
They knocked on your door.

He started something bigger
And lived just down my street
A chance I would have missed
If not for a newspaper
Thrown in my yard.

There are so many messages
That we simply pass over
Never looking and never knowing
But for some larger reason
She looked and decided.

She walked in
But I trailed behind
Always unsure and nervous
But she knew she needed something
And I came in behind.

You were there
Against all the reasons I know
And you welcomed lost strangers
As if they had never left.

I will never forget the warmth I felt
And I will never forget the home I found
A precious gift of great value
A hearty laugh and a warm heart.

I didn’t really fit in
Bu that didn’t matter to you
And I drank up all the love
And didn’t give much back.

I was quiet and unsure
So I liked to listen
But in time I too spoke
And you listened.

You called me
When my mother was dying
With good advice and kind words
And, I was sustained.

We found a home there that day
And for many days after
I enjoyed real fellowship
And felt real joy.

My knowledge and my faith
Were strengthened
And I am better
For having known you.

And you prayed for me
When I came in wounded
How I will never forget that day
As much lost as I was found
With all my dreams in ruins.

Looking back
I see how fragile love is
And I see how precious time can be
Like the sparks from a sparkler
On the fourth of July
Lighting up the kids faces
For just a fraction of time.

I have fallen backwards
And now my home is gone
The pastor we all loved is gone
And my family moved away.

I was so very empty
And I was so very sad
Wounded to the very soul
And wanting to die.

I had lost so much
That the despair was overwhelming
And I thought that everything
Had lost its meaning
And it seemed foolish to go on
Living with the ghosts.

Time has past
And I regret not returning
And I pray for those still there
But know they are blessed.

A life well lived is a great treasure
And a heart well used
Is God’s greatest joy
Bigger than its years
And remembered always.

A new life has started to stir
And soon I shall have a son
Another chance and another life
In a family of unknown multitudes.

You are in a better place
Than any we have known
Ready for God’s next commission
Well earned and ready to go.

I hope to see you there
And I know
You will welcome me again
A good man and a great friend.

Leftovers

Leftovers 2/4/2011

If I am silent
Then you’ll just have to guess
No sense in speaking
When all has been said
And you already know enough.

It is useless to explain
Because it would take to long
And It is useless to try and bargain
Because all the deals are done.

You can’t see the future
If you’re always looking back
But what was
Is still yet coming
Just the same as it ever was.

Take the end
And mark it backwards
Just to trace where it began
But I already know when and where
Seven years backwards
Both the beginning
And also the end.

I can’t turn back time
And I can’t change the end
At best we just postpone
But it always ends the same.

There is no honor without loss
And there is no wisdom
Without suffering
Nothing like living through life
That will either prove you
Or break you.

So what do we learn
If we are still left standing
That there are worse things
Than cold indifference
And far worse horrors
Than bruises on our pride.

It is almost certain
That your life will pass unnoticed
Unhonored and unsung
Dissolving into nothingness
And surging out to sea.

Wisdom comes in the knowing
That even the mighty must fall
And that you don’t need all the answers
If you know where to find them.

When I pledged my life
And surrendered my soul
I had no way of knowing
Just how much man could take.
And what it meant
To be alone.

I still believe
But I know that it hurts
Because it’s the only thing I’ve found
That cannot be lost
When everything else is gone.

There are things we like
And there are things we hate
But it is all just a puff of smoke
Nothing quite as useless as wasted emotion
And nothing half as foolish.

I have made my choice
And I have lived the difference
But never will I be the same
Never again to know false safety
And never again secure.

Man can take
But he will never keep
Not what belongs to God
Never ours to steal or squander
His alone to honor or bury.

I made my choice
And it wasn’t a hunch or a feeling
Nothing for which man could wager
And nothing that he could corrupt.

I know where drifting will take me
For I have taken that path before
Flowing downstream forever
To the end of stagnant waters
Where death and waste reside.

Every day I get another choice
And I get another chance
In a million small steps
Not always easy
And not without pain.

With time my heart has softened
And the doubts slowly fade
Knowing that I am worthy
To God if not by man.

It is one thing to make mistakes
And it is another to sin
But God can forgive me
But only if I make the change
And make amends.

Man listens to man
But only to get what he wants
But seldom does he listen for God
Because he doesn’t see any reason
To gamble on what cannot be seen.

I make mistakes
And I have paid the price
But God forgives the honest
And God forgives the true.

Discipline by cruelty is not strength
And money by lies is not a treasure
Love by manipulation is doomed
For a man without a conscience
Has already died
No matter what he tries to prove.

A man must live by the truth
And a man must live without deception
For better it is to die in faith
Than to live without a soul.

He who believes has life
And no man shall ever take it
An everlasting joy and purpose
Better than what he leaves behind.

If we refuse truth
Then we reject God
And therefore are lost
Already judged, condemned,
Twice dead and forgotten.

Nothing can happen for decades
But then the decades
Happen in a day
Nothing half as certain
As the end that you already know.

We could die any day
So what is there to fear
Better to laugh at useless hatred
And know what it reveals.

I have killed bigger giants
And all the lions have no teeth
Nothing to fear or dread
Save another wasted day.

Today we are alive
And God loves us still
With a home that no one can take
And a heart that cannot die.