Crush Point
There is nothing more powerful
Than dreams you never live
And there is nothing more painful
Than a life unfinished
Killed, cheated, cut short or stolen.
We hold our own through effort
And I have grown old in failure
Swinging against the wind
And stabbing at the shadows.
I have looked inside
And seen nothing but death
A gaping black hole
Too big to heal
And too deep to forget.
We are conceived in darkness
And grow in a dark dank cocoon
Struggling to be born
And then dying every day.
There is a deep desperation
In the hearts of men
A kind of dull pain
That nothing can ever mask
And nothing can ever cure.
A long suppressed longing
That we hope will go away
But it never does
And we suffer in silence.
History is long
But we have forgotten much
Lost in the mists and fog
Like it never happened at all.
We don’t ask about eternity
Because we don’t want to die
But the long death pageant continues
And our names are lost to time.
Sometimes we see
And sometimes we know
But we seldom act
And forget who we are.
I think of the truths in gray moments
When half awake and half asleep
But the best slip between my fingers
Before I can ever write them down.
The longest night has passed
An occulted black solstice
That took so long to come
Awaited by the centuries
Of long passing shadows
Slowly moving
And circling over itself.
The first day of winter
And the first day of the next
Every day just another grain of sand
One day closer
To an eternity
We cannot see.
Christmas has come
And the snow fell on cue
But the magic was missing
And my heart was numb.
We choose to believe
And faith is not a feeling
For all law is based on God
A universal truth that cannot be broken
For feelings lie
And change with the wind.
The deep sea holds secrets
That even the dreamers cannot find
And my heart has a memory
That even hope cannot restore.
I am lost in the details
The small minutia of the day
Endlessly amassing
And as useless as dust.
To believe
Is to make the choice
And to love
Is to see it through
Much more than being
And more than ease or comfort.
My soul was troubled
And I just could not sleep
So I stepped outside
A cold and solitary witness
To the first night of winter
Both a beginning
And an end.
Winter has begun
And now the year has passed
And that night
I searched for the moon in the clouds
As it hid in the shadow
Of a tired and burdensome earth.
A distant ring of obscured reflection
A milky filmy ring of shadow
An ominous shade of blood
And a ghostly shade of white
Piercing through a hole in the clouds
A silent and distant warning
Known but to God.
Other souls are restless
But many pretend to sleep
Hunkered down for the winter
Preferring not to know
How long or how far.
When I didn’t think
And when I didn’t care
Nothing ever happened
And I felt fine.
But the day I believed
Everything started to change
And everything I loved fell apart
Spiraling downwards
Until I wanted to die.
Now I fear tomorrow
Because it will be like today
With no reason for hope
And no chance for relief.
Life has a horror
The kind that you hear
And the kind that we see
But never do we think
It possible
That it could happen to you
Or could happen to me.
But my sorrow
And my anger
Is but water on a stone
Running off in all directions
Useless and wasted.
I have been lost
And I have been wandering
Away from the past
And away from tomorrow.
I used to dream of the wonder
Of hidden doors
Leading to rooms of treasure
Of endless possibilities
Just waiting to be explored.
But now they are smaller and blacker
And all the doors are locked
And all the windows barred
Every action decided and determined
By want, desperation, and need.
I am alone
So very much alone
Like a secret in a tunnel
Deep within myself
Waiting for something to happen
Or just anything at all.
I am like a prisoner
And a slave
Marked, judged, and sold
For too low a price
And mocked for everyone to see.
I have tried to wash off the mark
But nothing can change the past
Burned into my skin
And seared into my brain.
The world crushes us
And reduces us to nothing
Judging, mocking and stealing
Until we are used up and dead.
If God is near
Then his silence is deafening
And I am afraid and lost
With every new day
Just another Struggle to survive.
I tried with all my heart
But I never had enough
And I meant every single word
But could not carry them through.
In my head
The truth is easy
But my heart melts within
Unable to give what I do not have
And unable to live without regret.
More debt than money
And more want than dreams
Under pressure from so many
And never having enough.
I tried to sell my things
But no one would buy them
And I tried to put off the bills
But there was no grace.
Tomorrow comes
And the sun still shines
On the wicked and on the just
And I trudge on against the wind
With much on my mind
But nothing in my heart.
I am no more alone
Than I was ever
In the middle of the longest night
The same I’ve had forever.
The Lord wore a crown of thorns
But I have a mask and antlers
My choice alone to wear with honor
What others have meant for shame.
The future is like the past
But the past has been forgotten
Trapped under eternal ice
Until all has been dreamed
And all has happened.
We do not know
And we do not understand
Reeling from one day to another
Just another night lost in our selves
And another day fumbling in the dark.
The stars in the heavens
Spread out in all directions
In a distance I cannot measure
And filled with what I cannot see
A deep black eternity
For a greater purpose
Than any I can guess.
A strange kind of anticipation
Seems to permeate the air
And a deep sense of foreboding
Seems to follow close behind.
That the future is blind
With nothing left to reason
Only clear once it has past
When all our plans have crumbled
With only the end left to feel.
Man rises and plans his perfection
But it is nothing, but a crack in time
Nothing remains of ancient grandeur
And nothing is left
Of the peasant or the king.
The midnight sun shines off the moon
But tonight our shadow falls
Reaching out to a distance
Just enough to blacken the glow.
The world is full of terror
But the heavens are heavy with prayer
As the good and evil suffer
And cry out in despair.
We are not
What we were meant to be
And that is the cause
Of the longing in our hearts
That familiar dull ache
That we always seek to cure.
An invisible struggle
Against the weight of time
Crushing us into dust
And destroying all our dreams.
We give in
And we give up
Surrendering ourselves
Each and every day.
I have suffered a fatal wound
Yet I live for some other purpose
Both alive and dead
And both blessed and cursed.
The hours tick by
And the end comes for all
Inevitable the consequences
No matter how clever or cunning.
Yes it is coming
Just as sure as the sun
The day of bright shining truth
For some an unthinkable judgment
And for others an eternal reward.
The world begs
For a beautiful poetic death
With Gods eyes leveled at our heads
Burning away all our injustice
At long last purged of vanity
And once again as new.
.
There is nothing more powerful
Than dreams you never live
And there is nothing more painful
Than a life unfinished
Killed, cheated, cut short or stolen.
We hold our own through effort
And I have grown old in failure
Swinging against the wind
And stabbing at the shadows.
I have looked inside
And seen nothing but death
A gaping black hole
Too big to heal
And too deep to forget.
We are conceived in darkness
And grow in a dark dank cocoon
Struggling to be born
And then dying every day.
There is a deep desperation
In the hearts of men
A kind of dull pain
That nothing can ever mask
And nothing can ever cure.
A long suppressed longing
That we hope will go away
But it never does
And we suffer in silence.
History is long
But we have forgotten much
Lost in the mists and fog
Like it never happened at all.
We don’t ask about eternity
Because we don’t want to die
But the long death pageant continues
And our names are lost to time.
Sometimes we see
And sometimes we know
But we seldom act
And forget who we are.
I think of the truths in gray moments
When half awake and half asleep
But the best slip between my fingers
Before I can ever write them down.
The longest night has passed
An occulted black solstice
That took so long to come
Awaited by the centuries
Of long passing shadows
Slowly moving
And circling over itself.
The first day of winter
And the first day of the next
Every day just another grain of sand
One day closer
To an eternity
We cannot see.
Christmas has come
And the snow fell on cue
But the magic was missing
And my heart was numb.
We choose to believe
And faith is not a feeling
For all law is based on God
A universal truth that cannot be broken
For feelings lie
And change with the wind.
The deep sea holds secrets
That even the dreamers cannot find
And my heart has a memory
That even hope cannot restore.
I am lost in the details
The small minutia of the day
Endlessly amassing
And as useless as dust.
To believe
Is to make the choice
And to love
Is to see it through
Much more than being
And more than ease or comfort.
My soul was troubled
And I just could not sleep
So I stepped outside
A cold and solitary witness
To the first night of winter
Both a beginning
And an end.
Winter has begun
And now the year has passed
And that night
I searched for the moon in the clouds
As it hid in the shadow
Of a tired and burdensome earth.
A distant ring of obscured reflection
A milky filmy ring of shadow
An ominous shade of blood
And a ghostly shade of white
Piercing through a hole in the clouds
A silent and distant warning
Known but to God.
Other souls are restless
But many pretend to sleep
Hunkered down for the winter
Preferring not to know
How long or how far.
When I didn’t think
And when I didn’t care
Nothing ever happened
And I felt fine.
But the day I believed
Everything started to change
And everything I loved fell apart
Spiraling downwards
Until I wanted to die.
Now I fear tomorrow
Because it will be like today
With no reason for hope
And no chance for relief.
Life has a horror
The kind that you hear
And the kind that we see
But never do we think
It possible
That it could happen to you
Or could happen to me.
But my sorrow
And my anger
Is but water on a stone
Running off in all directions
Useless and wasted.
I have been lost
And I have been wandering
Away from the past
And away from tomorrow.
I used to dream of the wonder
Of hidden doors
Leading to rooms of treasure
Of endless possibilities
Just waiting to be explored.
But now they are smaller and blacker
And all the doors are locked
And all the windows barred
Every action decided and determined
By want, desperation, and need.
I am alone
So very much alone
Like a secret in a tunnel
Deep within myself
Waiting for something to happen
Or just anything at all.
I am like a prisoner
And a slave
Marked, judged, and sold
For too low a price
And mocked for everyone to see.
I have tried to wash off the mark
But nothing can change the past
Burned into my skin
And seared into my brain.
The world crushes us
And reduces us to nothing
Judging, mocking and stealing
Until we are used up and dead.
If God is near
Then his silence is deafening
And I am afraid and lost
With every new day
Just another Struggle to survive.
I tried with all my heart
But I never had enough
And I meant every single word
But could not carry them through.
In my head
The truth is easy
But my heart melts within
Unable to give what I do not have
And unable to live without regret.
More debt than money
And more want than dreams
Under pressure from so many
And never having enough.
I tried to sell my things
But no one would buy them
And I tried to put off the bills
But there was no grace.
Tomorrow comes
And the sun still shines
On the wicked and on the just
And I trudge on against the wind
With much on my mind
But nothing in my heart.
I am no more alone
Than I was ever
In the middle of the longest night
The same I’ve had forever.
The Lord wore a crown of thorns
But I have a mask and antlers
My choice alone to wear with honor
What others have meant for shame.
The future is like the past
But the past has been forgotten
Trapped under eternal ice
Until all has been dreamed
And all has happened.
We do not know
And we do not understand
Reeling from one day to another
Just another night lost in our selves
And another day fumbling in the dark.
The stars in the heavens
Spread out in all directions
In a distance I cannot measure
And filled with what I cannot see
A deep black eternity
For a greater purpose
Than any I can guess.
A strange kind of anticipation
Seems to permeate the air
And a deep sense of foreboding
Seems to follow close behind.
That the future is blind
With nothing left to reason
Only clear once it has past
When all our plans have crumbled
With only the end left to feel.
Man rises and plans his perfection
But it is nothing, but a crack in time
Nothing remains of ancient grandeur
And nothing is left
Of the peasant or the king.
The midnight sun shines off the moon
But tonight our shadow falls
Reaching out to a distance
Just enough to blacken the glow.
The world is full of terror
But the heavens are heavy with prayer
As the good and evil suffer
And cry out in despair.
We are not
What we were meant to be
And that is the cause
Of the longing in our hearts
That familiar dull ache
That we always seek to cure.
An invisible struggle
Against the weight of time
Crushing us into dust
And destroying all our dreams.
We give in
And we give up
Surrendering ourselves
Each and every day.
I have suffered a fatal wound
Yet I live for some other purpose
Both alive and dead
And both blessed and cursed.
The hours tick by
And the end comes for all
Inevitable the consequences
No matter how clever or cunning.
Yes it is coming
Just as sure as the sun
The day of bright shining truth
For some an unthinkable judgment
And for others an eternal reward.
The world begs
For a beautiful poetic death
With Gods eyes leveled at our heads
Burning away all our injustice
At long last purged of vanity
And once again as new.
.
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