Morbid Thoughts

Morbid Thoughts  1/21/2014

Some thoughts

Just cannot be captured

And they escape explanation

Or expression.

This visit me

As I lay down at night

Like tongues of flame

Licking at my brain.

If not written down

They disappear forever

Brilliant and irreplaceable  

As they rise up

Like sparks from a fire.

They can come to anyone

If only they knew to ask

But so many wallow in the dust

With their face in the dirt.

I have tried to recreate them

But it’s just like fumbling in the dark

Try as I might to translate

Ethereal inscriptions

Of raw inspiration.

Everyone gets tired

And everyone longs for something else

But it is all for nothing

If it leads you down a hole.

The sadness passes

And so also does the anger

If you realize what it is

And what will come. 

Let them all

Run with the line

Dragging it as far as they can

Deep into the black.

For they also

Shall be pulled back

And jerked onto the deck

To flop in the sun

Secrets and all. 

Tumbled

Tumbled 1/17/2014

Some blessings

Are not what they appear

And some of the greatest gifts

Are not treasures at all.

Experience makes us remember

And comfort makes us forget

About what it feels like to try

And come home

With empty hands.

It is easy to hate

And hold in contempt

Those we have seen fall

And wallow in despair. 

We think we are better

And we think we are immune

But all of this 

Can disappear in a moment

And leave us
With nothing left at all.

Sunny day friends

And situational ethics

Determine many decisions

And guide many hearts.

Here for one day

And gone the next

As indifferent as it is cruel

The fake smiles

And dismissive arrogance.

So who am I?

To be angry

And what is there to resent

Or regret. 

For I have had the glory

And I have had the grace

To learn how far

Even the mighty can fall

And still stand alone.

Yes I have been forgotten

And yes I have felt betrayal

Sold out for almost nothing

Mocked, trashed, and discarded. 

I know what it feels like

And I can see what it means

Because approval and rewards

Mean nothing

If insincere or unearned. 

Yes the world is corrupted

And yes sometimes

The liars win

But they are just dust

Like me and like you. 

They will never understand

And they will never know

Lost in themselves

And shallow pursuits. 

Comfortable and complacent

Bought off and paid for

As they compromise away

The one precious thing

That the good, can never lose.

Club Zero

Club Zero  1/16/2014

Everyone we meet 

Is not the same

And no man is more guilty

Than he who lies, and kills

Regardless of hardship

Or comfort.

Now the world is dormant,

Frozen, and gray

But soon, new growth will emerge

And hang heavy

On the tree. 

We have grown accustomed to the changes

Than knock us around

And now we are numb

To the mounting atrocities

And diminished dreams. 

If we were the first

Then maybe it was ignorance

But what can you make of man

Who has done this all before?

The easy road is folly

It always was

And it is now

Begging us downwards

In the back of our minds. 

The first little steps are painless

But that has never been enough

Has evil pleads with us

Down the slippery road to hell. 

It is no surprise

But it is the same old feeling

That gnawing knowledge

That you are the hated

Just because you are.

Here I sojourn 

And here I remain

Without money or privilege 

But only conscience and faith.

 

But I am also, the forgotten

Held back

And passed over

Again, again, and again. 

But if someone should speak

And if someone should question

What will happen?

And what will it achieve?

Nothing but more hatred 

And more ridicule.

I know who I am

And I know what I have done

As I have suffered through

Every mistake

And thoughtless omission.

But, if we don’t needs man’s forgiveness

Than why should we seek his approval?

Nothing but a pointless pursuit

Disappointing and dumb. 

The world has no power

And even death is an allusion

Hiding as it does

In the dimension of shadows.

Let it all fall apart

And dissolve in a fire

Gone forever

Wasted and dumb. 

The spirit remains

Unstoppable and pure

Burning forever

Inside of my heart.

It is time to know

Who it is 

We truly are

And the season is coming

For all to be found. 

I am not giving in

And I am not giving up

Though I may be wounded

And surrounded by death. 

Rise up

And see the truth

Now more than ever

Cold, eternal, and clear. 

Lay hold of the crown

The kind not made by man

Higher, stronger, and more noble

The gift of life

Forever and complete.

 

Sojourners

Sojourners   1/15/2014

Today I shall kill myself again

Just like I have

Ten thousand times before

Killing him whenever he stands up

And gets in my way.

We are lost in a maze of mirrors

And we can never find a way out

Because we can’t remember

How we got in.

Perhaps we choose

Or perhaps we don’t

But either way

I think

And I am.

No two situations are the same

And yet today plays out

Just like it always has

And just like it always will.

We are the archetypes

And this is our life

A soul inside a brain

And a brain inside a body.

The spirit comes

Like a burning flame of fire

Transduced by the synapses

Like memory through a crystal. 

We can sense the fear

And we can sense the problems

Because deep within we remember

And deep within we know.

A mutual destiny

Holds us together

As we experience the world

In the here and now.

This is only what we make it

And nothing lasts forever

As good as we decide

Weigh and measure.

There is nothing to fear

But doubt and desperation

Because even now we have forever

To love and to reason. 

Let us think on that

And speak again

In ten thousand years

Long after we know

And truly see each other.

The Hub

The Hub 1/14/2014

I have crossed over

And now I stare backwards

At myself as a shadow

Still struggling along

And dragging my bones behind me.

The dead do not care

Because they are free

Soaring above

Or diving below.

I have shed my skin

But I can never get away

So it comes along with me

Like an empty shell.  

I am vacant

And I am adrift

Still going through the motions

Like nothing has changed.

I sit at a desk

And I answer the phone

Pretending that it matters

And pretending that I care.

But I have long since left

As I have long since known

That all of this

Is a waste

And worth nothing at all.

The reports and the details

Are nothing but an exercise

A hoop and a hurdle

In a dog and pony show.

Made up to measure

And made to justify

The problems we have created

Just worthless propaganda 

And tired old lies.

Do not be surprised

When it all falls apart

Because that is what

We have always done

Over and over again. 

Sometimes I wonder 

If I am the only one

Dead enough to be free

But alive enough

To try.  

 

Lean closer

And whisper in my ear

Tell me that you love me

And everything's okay.

I have come so far

But it will never be enough

Because debts and punishment 

Follow you everywhere.  

Explanations are useless

And arguing is a labor 

Because all of it is wasted 

On the unknowing 

And the blind.

Others churn away

And claw at each other

Selling their souls over nothing,

But a few dollars more.  

Pinning their hopes 

And all their aspirations 

On the promise of a promotion 

And a lapel pin.  

Never knowing 

Or even understanding 

That all of it is empty 

And all of it is dumb.

Without sincerity 

All effort is fake

And without true love

All is posture and pride.

The world is haunted
Because it is dead
An empty vacuum 
And a promise
Unfulfilled.