10:53

Ten minutes and fifty three seconds 10/5/2012

Ten minutes and fifty three seconds
The conversation
We ever had
On a Monday night in a hotel room
So long ago.

Life is long
But death lasts longer
And we are but a pin point on a line
That stretches on forever.

No matter how much will we have
We cannot make it bigger
And no matter how much we lie
Entropy always wins.

Everything dissolves
And everything decays
Breaking down
And falling apart.

Engines stop running
And the gears freeze in place
Drilled out and thrown away
Without words or tears.

I have done many things
But none will last longer than me
And I have tried with all my heart
But I have not moved an inch.

My love has gone wasted
Passing over almost unnoticed
Hidden inside of my heart
And running circles
In my brain.

My words have not been enough
And neither have been my actions
As I am nothing but an option
Interchangeable and disposable.

So what are we to think
And what are we to do
When everything we counted on
Is stolen and taken away.

Set adrift without supplies
And left to the doldrums
Without any hope
And humiliated every day.

That is the question
That I have contemplated
As I twisted in the wind
More dead than alive.

It took a long time
And I know it will never be easy
But love can never be
Something you have
But only something you give.

It may disappear
And never come back
Or it may remain dormant
For days, months or years.

But love is not something
That we give just to receive
And it cannot be something
We use to fill our soul.

Because nothing of this world lasts
Neither the good nor the bad
And there is no need for a thankyou
If we ever loved at all.

It isn’t about me
And it’s not about the words
But rather it is the wisdom of knowing
Even after it is too late.

To love anyway
And give freely
Without a promise
Or a plan.

Without reservation
Or pride
But in letting go
With all your might.

Watching the clock

Chronovision

10/4/2012

Some days just drag on forever
And we are grateful when they end
Wasting hour upon hour
Pursuing the most meaningless of tasks.

And you have to wonder
Why it even matters
When most of it is pointless
And all done for show.

I an effort to produce
We think ourselves in circles
Spinning our wheels
To stand out amongst the others.

Churning out ideas
That have all been used before
And making up examples
Slightly different than the last.

I kept odd bits of nostalgia
And business cards in my desk
Accumulating over time
Until they become too painful
And I had to throw them away.

We embellish our lives
And ignore our mistakes
Thinking we are in a movie
Where everything is cool
And means something to everyone else.

But reality is hard
And it grinds us to dust
Mangling our bodies
And crushing our spirits.

We can wear ourselves out
And never scratch the surface
Growing old in the process
Of becoming someone else.

As many have before
Many shall sleep in the dust
Without ever understanding
The deeper meanings.

Forever striving to be understood
But never understanding
Wasting away
Unknown and unexpressed.

Only God can know
The hidden heartbreak
And the greatest losses
Of gifts and treasure
Unused and unexplored.

But even the smallest of openings
Can lead to great opportunities
If only we could see
And grasp.

We are here
And now is as good a day as any
To share our gifts
And take a risk.

Alien Breed

A new breed 10/3/2012

Stuck through the middle
And pinned to a board
Paralyzed but living
And dead to the world.

Suspended in fluid
For everyone to see
An alien in a strange land
Alone and far from home.

Sectioned for analysis
And dissected for study
Nothing but a biohazard
With my lungs pulled out.

This is the feeling
Of a man in the world
As we travel through time
On a one dimensional sheet.

Never able to escape
Except in death
Praying for eternity
And diving in blind.

So much for this place
Carreening from one disaster
To another
And slowly spiraling downwards
With our wings on fire.

If you fit in
Then you are the problem
And if you believe the lies
Then you are lost.

The status quo
Has made us aliens
Outnumbered
And surrounded.

Strangers in our own land
And visitors in another culture
Mere spectators to a civilization
Wasted and rotten.

As for me
I no longer wonder
Because now that I know
Letting go is easy
And the end
Is welcome.

Outlier

American Confetti 10/2/2012

This is the zero point
And this is zero hour
As we take up our hands
And let go of the burdens.

For we have been burdened
And weighted down
With heavy loads of guilt
And hypocrisy.

Straining against the grain
And slowly trudging uphill
Against every kind of lie
And every kind of hate.

Once again
The news is the same
Worthless, changeless
Dead and done.

Nothing but worthless propaganda
Dropped from a plane
A false reality
Created in bubble
Where wrong is right
And right is wrong.

Protected and immune
They live off the fruit
Doing nothing
And producing nothing.

Famous for being famous
And less useful than a shovel
Always wading in shallow waters
With their heads in the mud.

Always searching for an angle
No matter how ridiculous it seems
To skew reality
Any which way they will.

Evil men laugh
At the foolishness of many
Gladly giving away
Their best defense
And their last dollar.

Obligated to a future
That will never come
Not for the innocent
And not for the good.

At zero point
All the past is blown away
Stripping away the waste
Until nothing remains.

But even in the end
There is always a beginning
Another chance to learn
And another chance to rise.

To birth an idea
Once again
True to our best instincts
And wiser for the loss.

Another chance is coming
When we can take destiny
In our hands
But not without risk
And not without a fight.

But far better it is
No matter what shall happen
When you stand for what is right
Even if it hurts
And even if you fail.


Outlier 10/2/2012

You have heard this before
And you will hear it again
The same words in a different order
From different people
All meaning
The same exact thing.

The more things change
The more they stay the same
As predictable as the sun,
The drizzle and the rain.

It’s as if I could have dreamed the day
Without having lived it
The same thing over and over
And over again.

That the humble are forgotten
And the honest rejected
Perhaps for different reasons
But always the same.

The powers that be
Shall always shall find a reason
To brush the truth under a rug
Preferring the path of least resistance
Just to get what they want.

We know by now
Not to take it to heart
Valuing our soul more
Than what man can give.

But still it hurts
And still it stings
The cruelty of man
Beyond our understanding.

I stand and I walk
And there is no need for more
No need for validation
Or false recognition.

I am as good as I ever was
Even when I hurt
And even when I lose
Never more noble
Than when I am forgotten
And unrecognized.

I still don’t know why
And I guess I never will
About what is wrong
And what is the cause.

What is it about me
That makes me different
A stranger in a strange land
And an alien in bowl.

I sit here and type the words
And even though I know better
It still hurts
And I guess it always will.

But I can either slink away and hide
Or I can remain in place
Being my best self
In spite of the wounds.

I can remain defiantly me
Painting with bold colors
Telling the truth
And loving with all my might.

I am my own man
And I belong to something higher
With nothing left to win
And nothing left to prove.

Passing through the world
And spreading far this spark
To be thy own self
One of a kind
And forever.

Dark Matter Duality

Dark Matter Duality 9/28/2012

If my feelings had a color
Then they would be flat black
Just as dark as they are dull
And just as dead as they are depressing.

Yesterdays luster has all faded away
As the sun beats down
And bleaches out the skull
Leaving me all dried out
And empty.

A post apocalyptic refugee
Living out of the trash heap
That we call civilization
Still smoking and smoldering.

Deep down you know the feeling
When you awake
From a restless night
Fighting your exhaustion
As you shuffle through the day.

Dark matter is everywhere
But in between each second
A whole world awaits
Unseen and undiscovered.

We go because we must
And we live because we love
But inside we are thirsty
And hungry for more.

But the meaning we crave
Is elusive and hidden
Always beyond our reach
And but not our imagination.

The longing never ends
As we run out of ideas
Exhausting ourselves
And dead in our tracks.

There are no easy answers
And there is no one problem to blame
Because the worst is always there
Hand in hand
With our best.

But the best part still lives
That part the world cannot own
An indomitable spark
Belonging to God.

But all of us live
In dual worlds
One black
And one invisible.

We shall disappear
And come home
Slipping away
Into the light.

Past the black
And into reality
Beyond the tired
And the old.

The Hatching

The Hatching 9/25/2012

Born in secret
And hidden in the shadows
Taught in hatred
Far away
From you and I.

Planted, groomed
Watered, and fed
To supplant and destroy
From the inside out.

Who is to blame
When the truth is hidden?
And who is to account
When the truth comes out?

Some are silent
And some are threatened
Anything to hide
The secrets and motives.

The light of truth
Struggles to penetrate
When men are held
To different sets of rules.

A fraud and a liar
Will lie just enough
To get what he wants
And do what he must.

Bought and paid for
With hatred and contempt
With no history to judge
And no truth to criticize.

A pill for the foolish
And a placebo for the ignorant
With an empty heart
And an empty soul.

Nothing is more blind
Than the followers of hatred
Smiling as they march
On their way to the end.

But their envy and resentment
Cannot a great man make
And all the praise in the world
Can’t change the truth
Or summon a soul.

Shallow as the skim on a pond
The loyalty of appearance
And the folly of blame
Because in the end it’s up to us
To rise or fall.

The good have been set up
And sacrificed for nothing
As evil men plot in secret
To steal what is left.

Many will curse
And many will shout
At the betrayal of many
For profit and power.

Bought and sold for nothing
And led around by the nose
Told what to say
And told what to think.

Whom you can insult
And whom you can harm
As long as the beasts are fed
And blood is spilled.

But blessed is he
Who connects the dots
Knowing a man from his benefactors
And his heart from his hate.

Their plans shall come up short
And collapse in an hour
As the last bastion responds
From places unknown.

Destroying all
And laying them to waste
In one iron bolt of lightning
And a gigantic rod of death.

Look into the molten sea
And see the things to come
As pictures emerge from the shadows
Showing us the horde.

We have our hands
And we have our hearts
Now is the time to decide
For whom do we live.
And to whom do we serve.

Channeling

Channeling 9/24/2012

It took a long time to know
That I do not matter
That I am at best
Just a sack of dust.

Of no great importance
And of no great position
Nothing but an average slug
Trying to make it home.

But If only I had known this sooner
I would be far greater
A lot less wounded
And a lot more healed.

Caring more about others
Than I did about myself
I would have been more loving
And a lot less selfish.

Giving without expecting
Brings peace to the heart
Feeding the soul
And growing the soul.

But for some reason
I was not ready
Not before I had learned
And not before I had suffered.

Words are cheap
And even sacrifice
Can be a joke
When it’s all done
To gets something back
That we never earned.

Because even these words
Are not about me
And I am just a channel
Transferring thoughts.

An impulse courses through me
Like a spark down a line
Burning a trail of powder
On its way to the end.

Carving out the words
As they come to mind
And praying to know the difference
Between what I think
And what is best.

The truth is hard
But running away
Never works for long
And lying it just like killing yourself
In a million small ways.

I am given myself away
And I have never felt better
Because nothing is more important
Than truth.

The doors to the past
Have closed and cannot open
But I can still choose
Where it is
That I go.

My name does not matter
And my love for others
Is undiminished by distance
No matter when or where
I shall see them all again.

I don’t have to own
And I don’t need to possess
Not be the man
That I know
I should be.

In ten thousand years
You shall know who I am
And then I will be the person
That I am training to be.

Then all this will make sense
And then we will understand
With just enough time
And forever more