4/27/2011
Sometimes I can smile
But sometimes I can’t
But it doesn’t really matter
As long as you know the truth.
I grasp at the smallest of pieces
Just trying to scrape out enough
Even though there is no reason
Where nothing at all remains.
They say a broken heart can kill you
And they list a million ways to try
Bu they do not know how it feels
And they do not know why.
I tried to hold on
And keep the past in place
Thinking that it was a nightmare
And dreaming I was awake.
But living with ghosts is not easy
And time drags on without hope
And it hurts just to write my name
Knowing that I am forgotten
And my face covered with shame.
There is more than one way to die
And there is more than one way to kill
And those who know the spirit
Know that it is the worst to lose.
It is harder when you know all the secrets
And I’ll never understand what it is
That could make me so repulsive
And my heart so deficient.
I have retraced all my actions
And I have remembered all my sins
Numbered all my faults
And tried to kill them
One by one.
They didn’t go easy
And sometimes, I fight them still
At war in the wilderness
That lives, inside of myself
I have relived
Even the smallest of moments
But still I wonder why
About what is really wrong with me
And what I can ever do.
There are some things
That I know, I could never do
Not and go on living the same
Knowing its cruelty and horror
Now that I have lived
And now that I know.
I drag this past behind me
Because the memory
It’s just too heavy to lift
Crushing me down
Everywhere I go
And everywhere I live.
Useless, worthless
Unwanted and sick
Avoided like poison
Undesirable and dead.
We can always think of reasons
To seek comfort and ease
But deep down, we know what is true
And we die every day.
If you have lived
Then you should learn
The difference between
The false and the true
And know what is staged
And see straight through.
If I have seen it once
Then I can see it again
And not only the beginning
But also the end.
If God can show us tomorrow
Then he can surely do it again
And everything I saw has come to pass
Just like he said it would.
Some people live in glass houses
But they keep the truth in secret
Showing the world what they want
And pretending it’s not there.
Man cannot give
What he does not have
But man can never take
What he cannot own.
I have backed into a corner
And tied myself to a tree
Still standing but without any hope
And I shall fight until I can fight no more
To die with honor
All that I have left.
We waste our lives
With bland amusement
Never knowing and never understanding
What it means to truly live
Or truly love.
Even the longest nightmare must end
And even the mightiest of empires
Have crumbled to dust
No matter how far they conquer
Time conquers all.
It is a struggle to be a man
And it is painful to be good
But even the grasping man
Most cruel and shallow
Must die in the end.
No one knows the hour
And the future stretches
To a distant unknown horizon
Nothing but a pin point
Far away and ignored.
The actions of a good man
Are seldom self serving
But even the gifts of the evil
Come from someone else’s pain.
They have lied and they have stolen
And they have manipulated and murdered
Killing the spirits of the good
And mocking all their pain.
I did not come to make demands
And I did not come to make threats
But I came only to ask
And maybe explain
With nothing and no one
Broken as I could be.
That was the day
That I was interrupted
A rude and cruel usurpation
Just to prove possession
Somewhere they shouldn’t be.
That was the day
That I knew the end was coming
Oh how close they were
Without even knowing
And without even understanding.
They have started a fire
A fire that cannot be put out
Burning in the pit of my heart
A cold and deadly secret.
You have to look a little deeper
And you have to check under the table
Because their hands are hidden
And they think you’ll never know.
Jesus turned over the tables
And he will turn them over again
Because the world is upside down
And backwards
But not forever
And not for long.
They wish me death
And they have murdered my spirit
Manipulating the truth
And obfuscating the facts
Parading their treasure
In a transparent masquerade.
If I am useless
Then I am ready
And If I am worthless
Then let God Judge.
God knows the liar
And God knows the coward
Cruelly provoking
And controlling
But just for a moment
And then he is gone.
I saw it before it happened
Even though they called me their friend
A witness to their cruelty
And a witness to their end.
The end is coming
Just as sure as hell awaits
I can feel my heart beating faster
Ready for the moment
And ready for the day.
Your day is coming
And you will be gone forever
Forgotten in the glory
Like you never lived at all.
I have seen your name missing
And I have seen your name erased
Not only once but forever
Your pride and your shame.
You like to swindle
And you like to steal
And you think you are clever
And care less who you kill.
Those who sow
Shall also reap
And a bitter and bloody harvest
Turns golden In the sun
Dripping with fruit
And just about to fall..
Sometimes I can smile
But sometimes I can’t
But it doesn’t really matter
As long as you know the truth.
I grasp at the smallest of pieces
Just trying to scrape out enough
Even though there is no reason
Where nothing at all remains.
They say a broken heart can kill you
And they list a million ways to try
Bu they do not know how it feels
And they do not know why.
I tried to hold on
And keep the past in place
Thinking that it was a nightmare
And dreaming I was awake.
But living with ghosts is not easy
And time drags on without hope
And it hurts just to write my name
Knowing that I am forgotten
And my face covered with shame.
There is more than one way to die
And there is more than one way to kill
And those who know the spirit
Know that it is the worst to lose.
It is harder when you know all the secrets
And I’ll never understand what it is
That could make me so repulsive
And my heart so deficient.
I have retraced all my actions
And I have remembered all my sins
Numbered all my faults
And tried to kill them
One by one.
They didn’t go easy
And sometimes, I fight them still
At war in the wilderness
That lives, inside of myself
I have relived
Even the smallest of moments
But still I wonder why
About what is really wrong with me
And what I can ever do.
There are some things
That I know, I could never do
Not and go on living the same
Knowing its cruelty and horror
Now that I have lived
And now that I know.
I drag this past behind me
Because the memory
It’s just too heavy to lift
Crushing me down
Everywhere I go
And everywhere I live.
Useless, worthless
Unwanted and sick
Avoided like poison
Undesirable and dead.
We can always think of reasons
To seek comfort and ease
But deep down, we know what is true
And we die every day.
If you have lived
Then you should learn
The difference between
The false and the true
And know what is staged
And see straight through.
If I have seen it once
Then I can see it again
And not only the beginning
But also the end.
If God can show us tomorrow
Then he can surely do it again
And everything I saw has come to pass
Just like he said it would.
Some people live in glass houses
But they keep the truth in secret
Showing the world what they want
And pretending it’s not there.
Man cannot give
What he does not have
But man can never take
What he cannot own.
I have backed into a corner
And tied myself to a tree
Still standing but without any hope
And I shall fight until I can fight no more
To die with honor
All that I have left.
We waste our lives
With bland amusement
Never knowing and never understanding
What it means to truly live
Or truly love.
Even the longest nightmare must end
And even the mightiest of empires
Have crumbled to dust
No matter how far they conquer
Time conquers all.
It is a struggle to be a man
And it is painful to be good
But even the grasping man
Most cruel and shallow
Must die in the end.
No one knows the hour
And the future stretches
To a distant unknown horizon
Nothing but a pin point
Far away and ignored.
The actions of a good man
Are seldom self serving
But even the gifts of the evil
Come from someone else’s pain.
They have lied and they have stolen
And they have manipulated and murdered
Killing the spirits of the good
And mocking all their pain.
I did not come to make demands
And I did not come to make threats
But I came only to ask
And maybe explain
With nothing and no one
Broken as I could be.
That was the day
That I was interrupted
A rude and cruel usurpation
Just to prove possession
Somewhere they shouldn’t be.
That was the day
That I knew the end was coming
Oh how close they were
Without even knowing
And without even understanding.
They have started a fire
A fire that cannot be put out
Burning in the pit of my heart
A cold and deadly secret.
You have to look a little deeper
And you have to check under the table
Because their hands are hidden
And they think you’ll never know.
Jesus turned over the tables
And he will turn them over again
Because the world is upside down
And backwards
But not forever
And not for long.
They wish me death
And they have murdered my spirit
Manipulating the truth
And obfuscating the facts
Parading their treasure
In a transparent masquerade.
If I am useless
Then I am ready
And If I am worthless
Then let God Judge.
God knows the liar
And God knows the coward
Cruelly provoking
And controlling
But just for a moment
And then he is gone.
I saw it before it happened
Even though they called me their friend
A witness to their cruelty
And a witness to their end.
The end is coming
Just as sure as hell awaits
I can feel my heart beating faster
Ready for the moment
And ready for the day.
Your day is coming
And you will be gone forever
Forgotten in the glory
Like you never lived at all.
I have seen your name missing
And I have seen your name erased
Not only once but forever
Your pride and your shame.
You like to swindle
And you like to steal
And you think you are clever
And care less who you kill.
Those who sow
Shall also reap
And a bitter and bloody harvest
Turns golden In the sun
Dripping with fruit
And just about to fall..
